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psp3000

psp3000

Enlightened
May 20, 2023
1,564
do you ever have suicidal visions or thoughts on your good days because you see it as a sign that the time to go is here

or does this have to do with getting over SI and all of your fears and worries about death and the afterlife and your relationships with others
 
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cgrtt.brns

cgrtt.brns

wandering ghost (he/him)
Apr 19, 2023
844
thats an interesting question. i dont know for sure bc i havent thought about it much but i feel like its bc my brain wants my last moments to be good, so maybe it kind of takes it as a sign? or maybe bc i feel like i dont deserve good things so when they do happen i feel like i have to die if that makes sense.
 
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Pluto

Pluto

Cat Extremist
Dec 27, 2020
5,219
I find that on good days, it feels like I was recovering the whole time. And on bad days, it feels like I've going downhill the whole time. My whole narrative flip-flops which makes it hard to commit to anything.
 
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psp3000

psp3000

Enlightened
May 20, 2023
1,564
thats an interesting question. i dont know for sure bc i havent thought about it much but i feel like its bc my brain wants my last moments to be good, so maybe it kind of takes it as a sign? or maybe bc i feel like i dont deserve good things so when they do happen i feel like i have to die if that makes sense.
I understand this because I also feel as though I don't deserve good things which is why I am always worried when things are going too well for me because it will eventually all come to an end or something bad will happen if that makes sense
I find that on good days, it feels like I was recovering the whole time. And on bad days, it feels like I've going downhill the whole time. My whole narrative flip-flops which makes it hard to commit to anything.
I've been feeling this too as of late

to me it's kind of like where you have a dream that you're falling and feel the falling sensation (bad moments) just to wake up and realize you're still in bed (good moments or questioning if there's actually something wrong or if you're just too sensitive and dramatic)

makes me question if I'm suicidal or just in denial about it just because of a few good days and a few bad days
 
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