plans to CTB (ongoing thread)

[godforbidpain]

okay. im starting to settle on february, before the month ends at the very least. i've got two methods i will combine. i'm starting to think of which specific people to leave last messages, the social medias i use don't have delayed direct messages so i *will* have to send those messages before i go.

i've also made a plan to write a small will (i don't have valuable belongings anyways, just sentimental stuff), write some last diary entries, and i want to call 911 *right* before CTB just so they find me instead of some random poor untrained civilian. i don't want to traumatize anyone, but someone has to find me eventually.

i feel a weird sense of both numbness and excitement. anxious, also.

 

[godforbidpain]

method will be full body suspension. i will also consume a big dose of a drug that'll make me relaxed.

things to do, days before:

- visit site to check stability of anchor point, check for privacy
- buy 12mm thick rope, blades
- practice knots (noose knot and knot for anchor point)
- do partial suspension test
- make sure last messages for relevant people are written beforehand, ready to be sent
- eat lightly, have an empty stomach right before
- REMEMBER TO WRITE CONTACT INFORMATION NOTE to be found in my person

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I know you don't want to hear this, but I think those two things you insist on doing will result in you being "saved" like it or not.

 

[godforbidpain]

I know you don't want to hear this, but I think those two things you insist on doing will result in you being "saved" like it or not.

yeah, i've been rethinking it and i might not do that. i don't want to risk being saved, although im still worried for whoever finds me.

 

[Jello Biafra]

yeah, i've been rethinking it and i might not do that. i don't want to risk being saved, although im still worried for whoever finds me.

I found my best friend, my wife of 24 years, hanging in our bedroom when I woke up one morning. Full suspension using an extension cord, approximately 2 hours after she did it.

Other than the emotional shock of losing her, there was nothing traumatizing about the way she looked. It simply looked like she was standing there but sleeping.

 

[jimcarrey]

yeah, i've been rethinking it and i might not do that. i don't want to risk being saved, although im still worried for whoever finds me.

I wouldn't worry too much about whoever finds you. I would just look to what comes after this world.

 

[godforbidpain]

I found my best friend, my wife of 24 years, hanging in our bedroom when I woke up one morning. Full suspension using an extension cord, approximately 2 hours after she did it.

Other than the emotional shock of losing her, there was nothing traumatizing about the way she looked. It simply looked like she was standing there but sleeping.

goodness. . . thank you so much for your insight, and i'm so very sorry about your lover. i hope you've been able to find some peace, somehow

I wouldn't worry too much about whoever finds you. I would just look to what comes after this world.

yeah. . . it honestly doesn't scare me much, what comes after life. . . i don't believe in extremes like heaven and hell. maybe i'll be reincarnated into some other life form, with absolutely no memory of this life. or maybe, there is nothing after death. i think that'd be nice too.

 

[Jello Biafra]

goodness. . . thank you so much for your insight, and i'm so very sorry about your lover. i hope you've been able to find some peace, somehow

Thank you for the kind words - I really appreciate the sincerity.

Shortly after she passed, the only thing that brought me any comfort whatsoever was the thought of joining her - I was going out of my mind because I had just lost the ability to walk and most of the use of my hands. With her gone, I couldn't get to work or even tie my shoes. So I literally lost everything, including my income.

This desperation that I felt, without a single person to call for help, culminated in a truly bizzare experience that rocked my world and instantly and entirely gave me the strength to move on. Because of that, I completely lost my fear of death, and started to look forward to it. Now, I only fear failure.

 

[Realog11]

goodness. . . thank you so much for your insight, and i'm so very sorry about your lover. i hope you've been able to find some peace, somehow

yeah. . . it honestly doesn't scare me much, what comes after life. . . i don't believe in extremes like heaven and hell. maybe i'll be reincarnated into some other life form, with absolutely no memory of this life. or maybe, there is nothing after death. i think that'd be nice too.

same maybe I will be reincarnated into a better life

 

[godforbidpain]

UPDATE: rope has been acquired. 10mm. i will now practice the necessary knots. and also, now i know who i'll be leaving last messages for.
i need to finish up some details like analyzing the decided place thoroughly so i won't be seen. still need to write very very long message for my boyfriend.