Venting physical deterioration

[nails]

i feel like shit all of the time. i take care of myself and try to do what i can to feel better, but it's still so bad. my mental health is the worst it's ever been, that's obvious and there's really no need to go into it now; but my physical health is sinking right along with it. that's how it usually goes, my physical health always worsens with my mental health, even if i'm taking good care of myself. it's just the worst it's ever been.

i've stopped working out, but i do get plenty of movement in. i get at LEAST 11k steps a day, and my job requires even more physical activity on top of that. i'm not just rotting in bed all day.
eating is a huge struggle now, everything just makes me feel sick. over the last month or so, i've sorta developed a fear of puking, so this constant nausea is really stressful. any food that even slightly worsens the nausea is out of the question. i eat the same "meals" (i guess some of them are too light to be considered meals) everyday, and those meals are healthy and nutrient-dense. i really can't bring myself to eat anything else outside of those meals, so i just drink a lot of water and take glucose to avoid fainting.
i don't even want to mention sleep, it's so bad. i said it in a different thread, the last time i properly slept was either january or february. falling asleep is such a struggle. no matter how tired i am, i just can't do it most of the time. as soon as i try to fall asleep, my mind floods with so many horrible thoughts and sad reminders of why i'm so depressed. i only manage to fall asleep when my body crashes and gives into the exhaustion. still, i wake up so many times throughout the night. i was on medication for sleep, but i'm not on it anymore. i haven't been to a doctor in a long time, i just can't.

my physical health is making everything worse. work is so much harder, just getting out of bed is awful. any task feels like an enormous burden. i get a lot of nosebleeds, the smallest things cause intense bruises, i'm always lightheaded, my lips are usually colorless or blueish, my hair is falling out (not balding yet tho). everything i do brings so much pain because my body is constantly aching. i can't even sit or breathe without hurting. i probably already look like a corpse, lol.

any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated

 

[waqs]

im in a similar situation ngl.. what ive found to be helpful is finding a reason to get out of bed, most of times being my cats. i dont trust anyone in my family to properly take care of them so i use that as a reason to at least get out of bed, and once im out of bed i feel like its not worth the hassle go all the way back into my room so i can get back into bed to rot.. so i start just doing shit like showering or whatever else ive been neglecting to do that week. maybe you can find a reason like my example.. i hope all goes well for you.

 

[unluckysadness]

It sounds awful, sorry for your situation Can you take sick leave ? You should maybe stop working for a few days. You seem to experience burnout.
It's normal to feel suicidal with all your struggles. Try to slow down at work if you can. I wish you the best.

 

[nails]

im in a similar situation ngl.. what ive found to be helpful is finding a reason to get out of bed, most of times being my cats. i dont trust anyone in my family to properly take care of them so i use that as a reason to at least get out of bed, and once im out of bed i feel like its not worth the hassle go all the way back into my room so i can get back into bed to rot.. so i start just doing shit like showering or whatever else ive been neglecting to do that week. maybe you can find a reason like my example.. i hope all goes well for you.

i'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with something similar. tbh i only get out of bed because i have to go to work, do chores, or take care of my cats. it's exhausting and i struggle to see the point, but i guess i'm grateful that i have something to do.
i hope things get better for you, thank you for responding.

It sounds awful, sorry for your situation Can you take sick leave ? You should maybe stop working for a few days. You seem to experience burnout.
It's normal to feel suicidal with all your struggles. Try to slow down at work if you can. I wish you the best.

sick leave isn't really an option. plus, work is really the only thing stopping me from bedrotting, lol. things should be slowing down at work, though—i'll look forward to that . thank you for the kind response, i'll be wishing you the best as well.