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love_peep

love_peep

Specialist
May 26, 2023
313
I have a pretty strong depression because of which I have not been working for 5 months and money and food are running out, but I don't see the point in life. Since money will not give me anything, except to help other people who really need money. I'm tired of the eternal apathy of everyday weariness and bad sleep. every day is like hell for me. And thoughts about stb do not leave me. I just can't enjoy what I liked before, I see the world in gray and dark colors and I'm not comfortable with it. I feel much worse at night than during the day. I wonder if it's just me or someone else. Tell us about your experience. And if you do not have depression with suicidal thoughts and eternal guilt in your soul, then I can only envy you and wish you good luck in the future
 
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A

astamyr

Member
Jul 10, 2023
30
I don't have a diagnosis, but I've been in apathy for about half a year, the therapist says I'm in a depressive episode, but meds only helped me sleep, which is why I'm constantly late for work and on my free days I can sleep until lunch, which is generally good, it allows don't feel pain and don't think while i sleep lol
I don't know why I wake up in the morning and every evening I hope that I really won't wake up
I understand you OP, I can't get any emotions from the activities that I liked before, at most - I just fill time with them while waiting for the end
Close to trying tsb, I will prepare as much as possible to avoid fail
i still need a job to have money to be able to leave as peacefully and comfortably as possible
ironic, maybe work is what keeps me here

unfortunately i can't give any advice, coz I don't know how to deal with this, but I feel what you are saying and I wish you the best
 
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sorrowful

sorrowful

My exhaustion knows no end
Feb 13, 2023
282
Been sectioned for accidentally overdosing and having a history of suicidal thoughts and ongoing depression. Whole thing has been traumatic, the way they treat mentally ill people as prisoners. This world is not a place I want to continue living in. It is cruel and inhumane, how you can just be stripped of your basic rights and humiliated until they have had enough of you.
 
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love_peep

love_peep

Specialist
May 26, 2023
313
I don't have a diagnosis, but I've been in apathy for about half a year, the therapist says I'm in a depressive episode, but meds only helped me sleep, which is why I'm constantly late for work and on my free days I can sleep until lunch, which is generally good, it allows don't feel pain and don't think while i sleep lol
I don't know why I wake up in the morning and every evening I hope that I really won't wake up
I understand you OP, I can't get any emotions from the activities that I liked before, at most - I just fill time with them while waiting for the end
Close to trying tsb, I will prepare as much as possible to avoid fail
i still need a job to have money to be able to leave as peacefully and comfortably as possible
ironic, maybe work is what keeps me here

unfortunately i can't give any advice, coz I don't know how to deal with this, but I feel what you are saying and I wish you the best
I haven't figured out yet in these 4 months how pills don't help fight her, the psychiatric hospital didn't help me either, thanks for sharing your experience, I hope you get what you deserve really, I wish you good luck and further success, thank you
Been sectioned for accidentally overdosing and having a history of suicidal thoughts and ongoing depression. Whole thing has been traumatic, the way they treat mentally ill people as prisoners. This world is not a place I want to continue living in. It is cruel and inhumane, how you can just be stripped of your basic rights and humiliated until they have had enough of you.
I was not long ago in such a hospital and I can say that it's hell I was put there because of an attempt ctb and it is very terrible that we do not have the right to quietly leave this world
 
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AllFoxedOut

AllFoxedOut

Arcanist
Jun 7, 2023
473
Been sectioned for accidentally overdosing and having a history of suicidal thoughts and ongoing depression. Whole thing has been traumatic, the way they treat mentally ill people as prisoners. This world is not a place I want to continue living in. It is cruel and inhumane, how you can just be stripped of your basic rights and humiliated until they have had enough of you.
I've been sectioned too. sending you love, doll <3
 
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sorrowful

sorrowful

My exhaustion knows no end
Feb 13, 2023
282
I was not long ago in such a hospital and I can say that it's hell I was put there because of an attempt ctb and it is very terrible that we do not have the right to quietly leave this world
So sorry you had to deal with a similar thing. We should have the right to leave as we choose, and not be punished for wanting to do so. Unfortunately it seems as if society will remain hellishly pro-life.

I've been sectioned too. sending you love, doll <3
I am also sorry. Sending love back to you. We all deserve peace. 🤍🤍
 
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H

Hollowman

Empty
Dec 14, 2021
1,828
Not good, I'm sick and tired of everything.
 
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A

astamyr

Member
Jul 10, 2023
30
Been sectioned for accidentally overdosing and having a history of suicidal thoughts and ongoing depression. Whole thing has been traumatic, the way they treat mentally ill people as prisoners. This world is not a place I want to continue living in. It is cruel and inhumane, how you can just be stripped of your basic rights and humiliated until they have had enough of you.

I haven't figured out yet in these 4 months how pills don't help fight her, the psychiatric hospital didn't help me either, thanks for sharing your experience, I hope you get what you deserve really, I wish you good luck and further success, thank you

I was not long ago in such a hospital and I can say that it's hell I was put there because of an attempt ctb and it is very terrible that we do not have the right to quietly leave this world

I've been sectioned too. sending you love, doll <3

I feel so angry every time I hear people suffer in institutions like this when they just want a little understanding and love
please know that you are not alone
 
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sorrowful

sorrowful

My exhaustion knows no end
Feb 13, 2023
282
I feel so angry every time I hear people suffer in institutions like this when they just want a little understanding and love
please know that you are not alone
Simple words like these mean everything to me right now. Thank you truly, much love. ❤️
 
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love_peep

love_peep

Specialist
May 26, 2023
313
I feel so angry every time I hear people suffer in institutions like this when they just want a little understanding and love
please know that you are not alone
Oh , thanks for kind words its that to me need right now
 
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Zegers

Zegers

Enlightened
Dec 15, 2021
1,758
I feel a bit better at night, in the morning when i go out i feel very disconnected. There's no point.
 
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anhed0nia

anhed0nia

Member
Jun 17, 2023
31
I've been depressed my entire life, I started talking about suicide when I was little and then I never stopped thinking about it. I can't take any medications for it because they all exacerbate my tinnitus, which makes me MORE depressed no matter what drug I'm on. I need to get back into therapy because it feels like the responsible thing to do, but I need a job first, and I'm afraid of what can be a long, slow, potentially damaging process of finding the right person. Talking to people who are not depressed can be hard because, for all their good intentions, they truly cannot understand what it is like and (in my experience) many of them will simply default to trying to convince you that you don't have any problems. I've kept a blog for years and I once wrote something that echoes some of your statements about the ugliness and flavorlessness of life. My dad found it and told me it was the funniest thing he'd ever read in his life. I don't think he was trying to hurt me, I think he was trying to ward off the awareness that I have serious issues, but it was extremely painful anyway. This is all just to say I appreciate what you're going through.
 
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sulli

sulli

Student
Jan 25, 2023
197
i'm on the right meds but even then they only take the edge off. still can't quite function like a human
 
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alonely

alonely

exists by being merely labeled
Jul 1, 2023
470
i'm struggling to be able to do anything at all. i am frustrated with it.
 
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EndJstifiesTheMeans

EndJstifiesTheMeans

Bad english, didn't go to school sorry
May 14, 2023
447
Really bad
Still think a lot about the girl i love, she now hate me, i can't endure hate by her.. really everything except her hate

Most of nights i can't sleep, and crying lot of times in the day
It's more than a year now and nothing changed
 
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A

astamyr

Member
Jul 10, 2023
30
Really bad
Still think a lot about the girl i love, she now hate me, i can't endure hate by her.. really everything except her hate

Most of nights i can't sleep, and crying lot of times in the day
It's more than a year now and nothing changed

I feel you so much! <3
 
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Bunnymmm

Bunnymmm

Member
Aug 29, 2022
31
I would say getting worse, due to increasing hatred of my body and friendships falling apart
 
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StolenLife

StolenLife

Warlock
Sep 19, 2022
740
I got used to my depression. It's currently paranoia that is the problem.
 
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Fadeawaaaay

Fadeawaaaay

Visionary
Nov 12, 2021
2,160
I self isolated and sleep all day
 
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P

pinkribbonscars

She’s lost control
Oct 7, 2021
148
My depression is episodic. No, I am not bipolar, no matter what stupid doctors try to push on me. I had a bad depressive episode two years ago, to the point of seriously considering CTB but I decided not to go through with it. I ended up snapping out of it, but another depression started slowly creeping up around April and now I'm back on SS. Lol
 
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FadingSunshine

FadingSunshine

Nothing lasts forever.
Jul 8, 2023
147
I let my depression live my life, now I feel like I can never get back to actually caring about my life. My depression took the form of loss of feelings and sometimes sadness, but now it's only loss of feelings. I would have to fake feelings when I was in a group, I would gauge other peoples responses and then react. Now I just have a constant carelessness about my life and what happens to me.
 
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vitbar

vitbar

Escaped Lunatic
Jun 4, 2023
495
For me it's ups and downs. Things got worse than ever before a few months back. Changed up my meds and have been feeling better on the whole. Still get bad patches though.
 
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L

LittleJem

Visionary
Jul 3, 2019
2,669
can't be ars'd to do pretty much anything. Like clean fridge which defrosted itself today or wash up microwave meal. Sleeping till 1pm, in bed till 3. Don't care about anything and miserable. This is on meds. Worse without them.

Today also headache for second day (unusual for me) and cramps.

People want to hear I've got better.

Am just missing drugs but they make me crazy.
here's a better description: every day is a miserable waiting room for when I can sleep again.
 
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C

Cute_&_Loving

I like trinkets:)
May 10, 2023
423
I don't believe I have a depression. Although I was diagnosed by our classically trained, old school psychiatrists.
Not gonna lie, I've been better. My last online relationships really shook me up. That's what I get for having a hope and believing others who tried to convince me death wasn't my only option.
Don't believe anyone, listen to your own inner voice.
 
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love_peep

love_peep

Specialist
May 26, 2023
313
Maybe you have Sleep apnea or UARS.
idk but i wake up a lot of times in night but i read it thanks
can't be ars'd to do pretty much anything. Like clean fridge which defrosted itself today or wash up microwave meal. Sleeping till 1pm, in bed till 3. Don't care about anything and miserable. This is on meds. Worse without them.

Today also headache for second day (unusual for me) and cramps.

People want to hear I've got better.

Am just missing drugs but they make me crazy.
here's a better description: every day is a miserable waiting room for when I can sleep again.
oh im so sorry that you feel it but i know what you told me about. i know this feeling
 
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C

chloramine

Mage
Apr 18, 2022
504
I'm back to struggling to get out of bed. My responsibilities just ended luckily because I was really starting to struggle to keep up, but now I have to focus on getting work again. I just want to stop, but I've at least got myself in enough of a dissociative state to somewhat function most days. It feels bad all the time and the few things I actually enjoyed and that provided me with some amount of socialization are also over unfortunately. I don't know. My thoughts are pretty disjointed and scattered.
 
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sensenmann

sensenmann

this will be the end of me
Jun 14, 2023
141
Shitty, more and more of the things that brings me joy are beginning to disappear, also I am tired all the time.
 
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