Discussion Overcoming resentment.

[usernameless]

I don't know if anyone could understand exactly what I'm going through in terms of resentment.

I know many people deal with resentment, but mine is often quite general, especially when I get into the depths of hopelessness, like I am feeling currently.

It's like I'm emotionally misanthropic, even though I don't believe in misanthropy.

I believe I have AVPD. Perhaps even more severe than most with that personality disorder, based on what I have read online from people with the disorder who still manage to live a life resembling some sort of normalcy.

Even that fuels my resentment. I despise those people who I perceive as better than me in some regard (which is most people since I am quite abnormal in a negative way... at least based on people I've encountered. There are probably people like me who refuse to even write about their experiences on the internet. Probably the narcissist in me).

It's very easy for me to feel resentment. I'll read posts on this forum and resent the author for exposing a particular aspect about their life that I envy. "I hate them. They are nothing like me."

Perhaps I was more amicable towards people in the past, but now I am quite the vile, hostile being.

 

[SoverignDreamer97]

"Control the things you can control, one step at a time." ~Suncha Ferreira (Victus Group)/Matthew 13:12

 

[usernameless]

"Control the things you can control, one step at a time." ~Suncha Ferreira (Victus Group)/Matthew 13:12

The problem is, I can control everything in my life. I am the master of my own destiny. Yet, I constantly fail and am the source of my own failure due to the mind that has been inherited to me by genetics and childhood.

So much envy. I've always been envious. It's one of the things I remember from when I was growing up. The person I would spend the most of my time with lived in a gated community and was better than me in every characteristic. I remember being so envious of him.

That has persisted in me to the present day. Now, I'm envious of almost everyone.

Such strong hostility towards everything is not conducive to growth at all. I am not friendly at all, although I don't exhibit my true emotions toward people IRL. Being this bitter, resentful, and hostile is not good for anyone.

 

[calebzz1]

I don't know if anyone could understand exactly what I'm going through in terms of resentment.

I know many people deal with resentment, but mine is often quite general, especially when I get into the depths of hopelessness, like I am feeling currently.

It's like I'm emotionally misanthropic, even though I don't believe in misanthropy.

I believe I have AVPD. Perhaps even more severe than most with that personality disorder, based on what I have read online from people with the disorder who still manage to live a life resembling some sort of normalcy.

Even that fuels my resentment. I despise those people who I perceive as better than me in some regard (which is most people since I am quite abnormal in a negative way... at least based on people I've encountered. There are probably people like me who refuse to even write about their experiences on the internet. Probably the narcissist in me).

It's very easy for me to feel resentment. I'll read posts on this forum and resent the author for exposing a particular aspect about their life that I envy. "I hate them. They are nothing like me."

Perhaps I was more amicable towards people in the past, but now I am quite the vile, hostile being.

Hey!

I was going to respond to this post yesterday but I usually get sidetracked due to my symptoms.

I totally understand where you come from, for myself I feel world-weary at 25 due to the complex visual impairment I face daily.

I feel like I'm becoming slowly bitter over time due to being so impaired visually and losing my ability to relate to others as well which is very disheartening.

I simply am locked out of so many of my old hobbies, whenever someone says that they played a video game for a thousand hours or a movie changed their life I can't connect and feel different.

If you have true visual impairment it never really ends, blessed to have the ability to engage with music, dance or listen to audiobooks but I don't want to do that all day.

I saw a neuropsychiatrist and will be getting an EEG soon, he didn't really let myself talk about how I feel but I'll be seeing another one on the side that is more geared for medication next month.

My patience to deal with people is pretty low, this YouTuber that I watch sometimes put it best here.

1:42 - 2:00



That's how I geniunely feel, we are similar in that we don't feel misanthropy exactly but also feel detached from reality in a sense.

I'm not perfect either.

I often wonder why people who engage in immoral activities such as drinking, taking drugs, smoking and engaging in promiscuous endeavors can have a way better life and can function on a higher level.

I hear people driving outside and think "Hmm, must be nice. I wish I had the opportunity to continue to learn how to drive, another route gone."

I wish I could be like those positive blind people but it's much easier said than done, what makes my condition torturous sometimes is how my vision blurs in and out.

I rarely get moments of alignment and most of the day feels chaotic.

My advice to you is focus on yourself, don't worry about other people as much.

I self-reflect a lot and came to the conclusion that I'm not a people pleaser anymore because I've done so much only to end up almost blind at 25 if nothing else happens.

I help when I can but I'm not the hero anymore.

What exactly do you resent about other people?

I'm really curious.

 

[pelicanportal]

I struggle with this too OP. I am sorry. Envy really is the ugliest, it does destroy you inside and eventually outside too.

Me me me but I reached a point where I dont socialize anymore because I wound up so bitter and self-loathing that everyone else had something to live for. I don't know if there is a way to course correct once that level of envy has hit. Therapy didn't help with it anyway. It'd be nice if this was a changeable aspect. But I was a competitive kid before reality beat me up so I think it might be ingrained.

Maybe it's conquerable.

Doesn't seem that way from here though.