Alex_Was_Here
Dictated, but not read.
- Apr 7, 2023
- 60
(11/01/25)
Pretty sure I'm sticking to SN for my trip, it seems straightforward enough.
I'm trying to get some help and set up an appointment for next week, better myself maybe hold out a little longer? To what end or what reason I don't know, it might just be an instinctive last ditch effort to keep myself from finally committing.
But I think my times up, I look back at everything I've done and everywhere I've been, and I know my bus is around corner. I know I'm running out of time. I've been keeping it waiting there for a while, and I'm done trying to hold it off.
I'm setting my alarm for December 24 11:45pm if possible by then. I don't know if setting a hard date for it will do anything or if I'll stick to it. I just need to save up some money, I wanna rent out a pretty hotel room with a nice view of Chicago's skyline. Sorry for the staff in advance.
I'm not leaving anything behind, nothing besides whats on here at least. No one else needs to know or be burdened by anything else remotely related to me. I don't think people will be happy I'm gone, but I know it'll take some weight of their shoulders, I'll be a great excuse for why they need to take some time off work at least.
If I manage to get fixed somehow, I'll probably update this and let people know I wussed out and that I'm still kicking rocks for another year.
If I manage to stick to it, and I don't get better, I'll come back and say one last goodbye. I'm just tired.
Love you always & forever.
(11/9/25)
This isolation, this cold distance, it's all becoming too much. I've ordered my SN today. My time line has changed. Whenever it arrives, I will be making my way to the end. I don't have the ability to be loved, and I'm losing the ability to love. Once it arrives and I choose a hotel, I'll ready my goodbye post and hopefully if you guys are lucky; you'll never hear from me again.
I deserve this, my last effort. To be embraced by soil, to be accepted and loved one last time. I can't wait to go. I can't wait to go. I can't wait to go. I can't wait. I'll never have to worry about being broken, obsessed, or abandoned again. I won't seek enjoyment or comfort. I won't give my heart away anymore. I can't wait to sleep.
I love you.
Pretty sure I'm sticking to SN for my trip, it seems straightforward enough.
I'm trying to get some help and set up an appointment for next week, better myself maybe hold out a little longer? To what end or what reason I don't know, it might just be an instinctive last ditch effort to keep myself from finally committing.
But I think my times up, I look back at everything I've done and everywhere I've been, and I know my bus is around corner. I know I'm running out of time. I've been keeping it waiting there for a while, and I'm done trying to hold it off.
I'm setting my alarm for December 24 11:45pm if possible by then. I don't know if setting a hard date for it will do anything or if I'll stick to it. I just need to save up some money, I wanna rent out a pretty hotel room with a nice view of Chicago's skyline. Sorry for the staff in advance.
I'm not leaving anything behind, nothing besides whats on here at least. No one else needs to know or be burdened by anything else remotely related to me. I don't think people will be happy I'm gone, but I know it'll take some weight of their shoulders, I'll be a great excuse for why they need to take some time off work at least.
If I manage to get fixed somehow, I'll probably update this and let people know I wussed out and that I'm still kicking rocks for another year.
If I manage to stick to it, and I don't get better, I'll come back and say one last goodbye. I'm just tired.
Love you always & forever.
(11/9/25)
This isolation, this cold distance, it's all becoming too much. I've ordered my SN today. My time line has changed. Whenever it arrives, I will be making my way to the end. I don't have the ability to be loved, and I'm losing the ability to love. Once it arrives and I choose a hotel, I'll ready my goodbye post and hopefully if you guys are lucky; you'll never hear from me again.
I deserve this, my last effort. To be embraced by soil, to be accepted and loved one last time. I can't wait to go. I can't wait to go. I can't wait to go. I can't wait. I'll never have to worry about being broken, obsessed, or abandoned again. I won't seek enjoyment or comfort. I won't give my heart away anymore. I can't wait to sleep.
I love you.
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