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F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
12,858
Does it bother you, if you are older and live or die alone, that people might call you an 'old spinster'? I find it a horrible term. It just sounds derogatory. Compare it to the male equivalent: a 'bachelor'. Even an 'eligible bachelor' which sounds desirable.

It doesn't bother me to have lived and died alone. Not in terms of being ashamed anyway. When I was younger, I liked the idea of being in love and, having a partner but, I've largely enjoyed the independence of living alone. So, it's kind of annoying people might label me that- sad, pathetic, ugly, lonely woman who killed herself because she was alone. That's not to say that isn't a legitimate reason to do it- if we feel that way but, it's not a majorly contributing factor for me. Even though, I am those things in many ways.

I suppose it's more how it is viewed that annoys me. Maybe a lot less so now. I think women/ men/ people do have more freedom to do what they want. I wonder if it still exists to an extent though:



Do you think that's true? That it's more shameful for a woman to turn up to an event/ go out alone, than a man?

That's not to say women feel more alone than men but, are they thought of in a more derogatory way? Maybe not though. I think people tend to feel suspicious of guys who remain alone.

As to whether we get shamed, I guess it depends on how we present ourselves. People of either gender who make it clear they are happier alone and, choose to be, I suppose deflect pity/ shaming.
 
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GhostInTheMachine

GhostInTheMachine

Safeguard
Nov 5, 2023
469
From what I've seen among my peers (I'm 31 btw), the term "spinster" is archaic and almost entirely out of use. Heck, even the concept of a crazy cat lady seems to have faded away even within my lifetime. There is still a social stigma against women who are single though, so that's pretty lame.
 
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W

whywere

Illuminated
Jun 26, 2020
3,531
Does it bother you, if you are older and live or die alone, that people might call you an 'old spinster'? I find it a horrible term. It just sounds derogatory. Compare it to the male equivalent: a 'bachelor'. Even an 'eligible bachelor' which sounds desirable.

It doesn't bother me to have lived and died alone. Not in terms of being ashamed anyway. When I was younger, I liked the idea of being in love and, having a partner but, I've largely enjoyed the independence of living alone. So, it's kind of annoying people might label me that- sad, pathetic, ugly, lonely woman who killed herself because she was alone. That's not to say that isn't a legitimate reason to do it- if we feel that way but, it's not a majorly contributing factor for me. Even though, I am those things in many ways.

I suppose it's more how it is viewed that annoys me. Maybe a lot less so now. I think women/ men/ people do have more freedom to do what they want. I wonder if it still exists to an extent though:



Do you think that's true? That it's more shameful for a woman to turn up to an event/ go out alone, than a man?

That's not to say women feel more alone than men but, are they thought of in a more derogatory way? Maybe not though. I think people tend to feel suspicious of guys who remain alone.

As to whether we get shamed, I guess it depends on how we present ourselves. People of either gender who make it clear they are happier alone and, choose to be, I suppose deflect pity/ shaming.

100% agree with you. ANY time a human wastes time, energy and effort on being derogatory, it is HORRIBLE!

Me being 69 and by myself, I have heard it all: old man, should be in a nursing home, I am just a senile fool, gray haired freak, you name it, I probably have been called it.

Why? Just so someone else can "feel" superior or whatever?

I FIRMLY believe in ALL TOGETHER. In all the decades in business, I have seen time and time again, where EVERYONE brings something to the table.

To be called spinster to me, is beyond terrible and for those that deem it as a privilege to be mean to others, always remember the old KARMA, is sitting right there watching everything.

From the 1960's till now, even with me, I have seen folks be so darn mean and thoughtless and BANG! KARMA comes and not only slaps them in the face BUT knocks them for a loop.

The word: spinster with so many others SHOULD be forever deleted from human language forever.

@Forever Sleep, you are so kind, caring and always just a wonderful friend, thank you.

Walter
 
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F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
12,858
From what I've seen among my peers (I'm 31 btw), the term "spinster" is archaic and almost entirely out of use. Heck, even the concept of a crazy cat lady seems to have faded away even within my lifetime. There is still a social stigma against women who are single though, so that's pretty lame.

Lol. The crazy cat lady. That's me except, without the cats. That's good to hear though. I'm older than you- aged 45. I've never actually been called a spinster to my face but, I've heard it hear and there still and, similar. Nice to hear it's dying out.
 
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Lady_V

Lady_V

Please be honest.
Aug 31, 2025
44
I honestly never think of being a "spinster" because it's not really used today. A lot of older women will see that you're single, never being caught up in messy divorces / never becoming a single mom (like them) and view it positively.
I guess I kinda hate the view some people have that I am alone because I can't pull anyone. People being romantically interested in me has never been an issue. I'm just not interested back. Why would I settle down with someone I feel no connection to or romantic attraction to? It wouldn't be fair to them, I probably wouldn't treat them well.
 
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MissAbyss

MissAbyss

"I gazed for too long.."
Jul 20, 2025
26
The word 'spinster' itself? Honestly, I couldn't care less..

Although I find the stigmas around it
and that you can be consciously excluded from society in advance, very demeaning.
 
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Dejected 55

Dejected 55

Enlightened
May 7, 2025
1,328
Spinster, old maid... I haven't heard those in a while. Haven't heard the crazy cat lady much recently either. And I can't think of a word used to describe men...

But, both men and women who are older and alone get criticism. We talk about women more, but men are every bit as judged.

I was always judged when I was younger... lots of people, my own mother even, would ask if I was gay. Because a man who isn't a womanizer and isn't always trying to sleep with women must be gay... and the older you get and never are seen with a woman, never have a girlfriend, don't really talk about it because inside you've just given up all hope of connecting... you must be gay and hiding it, or are closet gay and not wanting to admit it. Except, other gay people always knew I wasn't gay. They couldn't help of course... but they at least could see closer to who I was than everyone else.

And men or women are criticized if they are alone and have any other things "wrong." He/she needs to get laid! Or that guy/girl is such a horrible person because they can't get laid... it goes on and on... people being judged as wrong and broken for not having something they already feel horrible about not having... no need to kick us when we are down. We kick ourselves.

And somehow... the older you get, and always being alone... you get less desirable because well something MUST be wrong with you because why did no one else ever want you? Doesn't matter if you have confidence and like yourself, because people will always wonder why nobody ever wanted to be with you, and so they will not see you as attractive because they don't want to be the only one who does.

The world is not kind to sluts (women perceived as being too popular whether or not they actually have lots of sex) and it's a mixed bag for men because studs (men who have a lot of sex or perceived to at least) are simultaneously cheered by men and women... but also if you never settle and have a family, the "stud" label wears thin eventually and you become just a womanizer...

I really am tired of this world and labels and judgments and nobody taking time to get to know anyone or giving them a chance.

I had a great aunt (my mother's aunt) that died alone. As far as I was ever aware not only was she never married, but never dated anyone that I ever heard about. All her brothers and sisters were married and had kids... but she did not. When I was a kid I did not judge her or think any differently of her. When she died, though, and I had become an adult... I wondered what her life was really like from her perspective. Was she lonely? Did she wish she had someone? She never seemed obviously depressed, but then we only visited sometimes so she could put on a brave face for company perhaps. I don't know if she would have been comfortable having these kinds of conversations, she was from a previous generation where you didn't talk about such things... but I wish I could have known more about her, if she had the life she wanted, she chose, or if she just made the best of the life she got.
 
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