Venting Now that I have everything, I still can't die?

[nihacc]

I finally gathered the required information in order to purchase a firearm, but coincidentally, the store near me can't sell a gun to buyers under 21 anymore. I don't want to give too much detail as to why, because it might reveal information on where I live, but know that it was way out of my control. I had been in that store before, and they could previously sell guns to 18-20 year olds, but I didn't have all of the required info at the time. Now that I have everything, I'm barred from being able to buy one??? When I went into this store about a month ago, a different employee recommended a place in my state's capitol, but yesterday the owners told me that even that store wouldn't be able to sell to me either.

There is another gun shop, but it's a 2 1/2 hour walk from my house. I suppose I could use public transport, or bike there instead. Either way, I will have to call them beforehand and ask if they are still able to sell a firearm to me. If even that is unavailable, I fear that I might have to turn to other less reliable methods of ctb.

I must have some pre-determined purpose for living, or I'm just EXTRAORDINARILY unlucky. This is all so exhausting. I feel ill. I don't want to have to jump out of fear of surviving, and I might not have the courage to lay on train tracks, and other possible methods I am considering are not as viable. It's looking more and more likely that they're something I must choose instead of eating a bullet.

 

[tonicer]

Maybe it's the universes way of telling you that it's not your time yet?!

The last time i felt like i was as down as i could possibly be a random guy talked to me (he asked me where the bank is and i pointed him into the right direction he thanked me and went his way) and he had such a friendly and honest smile i forgot all my dark thoughts. That guy looked like a real life angel even with the stereotypical effects of bright light in the middle of darkness that surrounded me that day. I'll never forget that encounter. There are some seriously lovely people in this world.

 

[nihacc]

Maybe it's the universes way of telling you that it's not your time yet?!

The last time i felt like i was as down as i could possibly be a random guy talked to me (he asked me where the bank is and i pointed him into the right direction he thanked me and went his way) and he had such a friendly and honest smile i forgot all my dark thoughts. That guy looked like a real life angel even with the stereotypical effects of bright light in the middle of darkness that surrounded me that day. I'll never forget that encounter. There are some seriously lovely people in this world.

Thank you for your effort, really, but I'm still actively trying to follow through with this. I read people's facial expressions and tone in every situation, and it makes them seem insincere if they shift slightly negatively. I'm probably being overly sensitive and hypocritical because I remain almost expressionless in every conversation . Don't let my choices bother you, I'm not trying to change my mind about ctb or make it seem that way.

 

[tonicer]

Thank you for your effort, really, but I'm still actively trying to follow through with this. I read people's facial expressions and tone in every situation, and it makes them seem insincere if they shift slightly negatively. I'm probably being overly sensitive and hypocritical because I remain almost expressionless in every conversation . Don't let my choices bother you, I'm not trying to change my mind about ctb or make it seem that way.

I could never read people's facial expressions and i think mine a so weird people avoid me. I'm not trying to change your mind or anything along those lines. It's your life and you alone get to choose when it ends. I will also very likely end my life once my mother has passed because i have no purpose besides caring for her as good as i can.