Venting "Normal people" make me feel bad

[Kanau_Nano]

Tldr I'm a very jealous person.

I always wanted to graduate college, so when I hear other people talk about doing that and the fun times they had i feel so bad. Or people talking about how they had fun in their childhood. Meanwhile that's when I started messing my life up and it was a nightmare. I feel so jealous. When I talk to people with a really good job or money, I feel like I'm a lesser person then them. People will say they never dealt with mental issues or trauma and it makes me uncomfortable. When people have parents with money, and grew up with loving, non abusive, and non negligent parents, I wish it was me. When people have siblings they are super close to it reminds me of how I used to have that and I get depressed. When i hear others speak excitedly about ambitions and dreams I feel worthless for feeling I could never achieve mine, if i even have any at the time. I see people converse with others so easily, and I wonder why I'm so broken. I see people so in love then I start to feel horrible for not being able to feel that way towards partners. I can only feel a sick obsession and fear. I get told about or see people with large groups of friends and it reminds me how socially awkward and unstable I am. I destroy everything. I'm also sad when people have had friends for many years. I wish i could do that. When others can live in the moment, and not constantly worry or feel trapped in the past i want to cry. I wonder how others can be so proud of themselves or be mentally stable, it seems magical. When I see someone very skilled in a hobby they love or working so hard on things, I wonder why I wasted so much of my life. I feel so ashamed. I thought I'd be dead by now, and I wish I was instead of continuing on. I feel so awkward, and less than other people with good lives. I feel i don't deserve to be around them.

I'm so jealous of people who end up recovering, and doing well in life. I feel like I'm a failure. I really did try at times. I don't understand why I can't feel better. Maybe cause i let everything snowball and get so much worse for so long. I only feel better temporarily. I'm given some hope so it can be crushed again.

I'm a very jealous person. I mean I do feel happy for and like to see others doing well. It just also really hurts me and that makes me feel like a horrible, and pathetic person. Maybe I am a bad person. I have done things I truly wish i could change. And on top of that I plan to ctb despite knowing it will hurt others. I wish they would understand ctb is the best thing for me.

Does anyone else feel similar, or have a good way to cope? Sry for the long vent, had something bad happen and got into a mood.

 

[Rihan]

I heavily relate to this. I normally don't get jealous but I am jealous of people who did not grow up abused and traumatized. Unfortunately I have no advice to give to help you cope, but you aren't alone.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I heavily relate to this. I normally don't get jealous but I am jealous of people who did not grow up abused and traumatized. Unfortunately I have no advice to give to help you cope, but you aren't alone.

I wish there was a way to fix feeling like this. It's overwhelming. I hope you find something that helps. And if ya do lmk

 

[itsgone2]

I don't get jealous, just kind of sad. Otherwise I strongly relate to all of it. There's something wrong with us. Why? It's not like we chose it. I didn't need some amazing life. Just a normal one. Why make us so different?

 

[avstin]

yeah I recently posted about envy myself and it sucks. my heart goes out to you:( I can't even look at my friends' social media photos because I see them having fun together and I'm never involved. I wish I had such a close and fun group to just enjoy life with yk. and dont get me started about people from good homes, I literally can't get over the fact that my own partner has a good relationship with his mother when mine treated me like shit my whole life. I cannot cope with it myself, but I guess it really is a common problem. take care

 

[Agroboy]

I don't think there are "normal" people—only people who adapt as much as they can. But they end up being toxic toward those who are more fragile or different, because that constant need to adapt frustrates them, so they take that frustration out on others.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I think calling yourself "jealous " is a very negative way to approach this as these are things many if not most people desire. It's like saying you are jealous of people with water to drink. That's my opinion.

 

[themisfit]

I am jealous of people who have relationships. I mean, how can this happen so naturally for some?

I am jealous of the moments they share, the love they feel for each other

I have this feeling that no matter what I do, I will always be alone. It's like a curse, a burden I have to carry during my time on earth

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I don't get jealous, just kind of sad. Otherwise I strongly relate to all of it. There's something wrong with us. Why? It's not like we chose it. I didn't need some amazing life. Just a normal one. Why make us so different?

I feel a lot of things honestly. And same a "Normal life" would be amazing. I wish there was a way I could experience it.

yeah I recently posted about envy myself and it sucks. my heart goes out to you:( I can't even look at my friends' social media photos because I see them having fun together and I'm never involved. I wish I had such a close and fun group to just enjoy life with yk. and dont get me started about people from good homes, I literally can't get over the fact that my own partner has a good relationship with his mother when mine treated me like shit my whole life. I cannot cope with it myself, but I guess it really is a common problem. take care

I have a hard time with social media too. It's best to try to limit yourself as much as possible. Everything you said is so real tho. You take care too!

I don't think there are "normal" people—only people who adapt as much as they can. But they end up being toxic toward those who are more fragile or different, because that constant need to adapt frustrates them, so they take that frustration out on others.

Yeah that's why I put it in quotes. I know nobody is normal. Yeah it sucks when people are toxic. We feel bad enough.

I think calling yourself "jealous " is a very negative way to approach this as these are things many if not most people desire. It's like saying you are jealous of people with water to drink. That's my opinion.

Yeah, I didn't think about it like that. I just feel very jealous often. I can be negative af when I'm in a bad mood.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I am jealous of people who have relationships. I mean, how can this happen so naturally for some?

I am jealous of the moments they share, the love they feel for each other

I have this feeling that no matter what I do, I will always be alone. It's like a curse, a burden I have to carry during my time on earth

I am too if that helps. I also recognize I am a space shuttle wreck however.

 

[morina]

I am kinda similar, though so much more extreme and vicious that it's probably insulting to you to call myself similar.

Whenever someone talks about something they are better in than me, something positive they experienced but I didn't, something negative they didn't experience but I did, I am never, ever happy for them, the only thing I feel is jealousy and hatred. When someone starts talking, when I ask someone a question, I hope their answer is something that can make me feel superior. I hate myself for it, I have tried so much stopping these thoughts, but it didn't work and never will. Every word of congratulations I utter is fake. My inner self just wants others to suffer so it can feel better about itself and then act all compassionate and empathetic.

I never show this side, what I am truly like, to people, my conscious self hides what my inner self truly thinks. Though since this is a suicide forum I might as well describe a major driver in my suicidal ideation. I don't want to want everyone else to suffer, so I try to be comforting and act like a good person whenever to not cause any harm, but it's what truly happens inside of me. People think I am a nice person, but that isn't the case. My nature is flawed, evil and full of hatred. I should have purged myself from this earth for moral reasons alone a long time ago, though maybe my suffering is what I rather deserve for being like this. Not having friends and only being abused is probably for the better when it comes to a person like me.

I am a psychopath completely unable to feel joy for others.

(Disclaimer: This post isn't intended to elicit responses telling me I am not like that or something like that.)

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I'm sorry your life has been so difficult and you have suffered so much. :/
I definitely relate a lot. Whenever I see other people being happy and functioning normally I feel terrible about myself and wish I could be like them. It hurts so much knowing my life and mental state will never be as good as theirs. If you don't decide to ctb I really hope things improve for you and your life can be filled with happiness and peace.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I am kinda similar, though so much more extreme and vicious that it's probably insulting to you to call myself similar.

Whenever someone talks about something they are better in than me, something positive they experienced but I didn't, something negative they didn't experience but I did, I am never, ever happy for them, the only thing I feel is jealousy and hatred. When someone starts talking, when I ask someone a question, I hope their answer is something that can make me feel superior. I hate myself for it, I have tried so much stopping these thoughts, but it didn't work and never will. Every word of congratulations I utter is fake. My inner self just wants others to suffer so it can feel better about itself and then act all compassionate and empathetic.

I never show this side, what I am truly like, to people, my conscious self hides what my inner self truly thinks. Though since this is a suicide forum I might as well describe a major driver in my suicidal ideation. I don't want to want everyone else to suffer, so I try to be comforting and act like a good person whenever to not cause any harm, but it's what truly happens inside of me. People think I am a nice person, but that isn't the case. My nature is flawed, evil and full of hatred. I should have purged myself from this earth for moral reasons alone a long time ago, though maybe my suffering is what I rather deserve for being like this. Not having friends and only being abused is probably for the better when it comes to a person like me.

I am a psychopath completely unable to feel joy for others.

(Disclaimer: This post isn't intended to elicit responses telling me I am not like that or something like that.)

I can relate a lot. Also you are much braver than me for admitting that. Cause i just typed out a long reply on how I'm similar and I ended up feeling way to scared about getting judged and reading it back made me want to ctb even more. Yeah I know this is an anonymous forum about ctb but I just can't. I care too much about what random others think of me for some reason. Even if you can't feel joy for others i appreciate your posts and messages they give me joy

 

[gardenoflonely]

I feel the same. I got news yesterday that my family member graduated and got engaged. I'm happy for her but deep down I'm really jealous too, I don't know why I don't deserve some normalcy too.

 

[Matchaaa]

I can relate to this. Sometimes when I see people who grew up in loving and wealthy environments, traveling and exploring their own world, I feel both happy for them and deeply envious/jealous of them.
But when I look back on my own life, my heart often feels broken. It feels meaningless, and I don't think I'll ever be able to have a happy life like theirs.
I really hope things get better and you can find peace, happiness, and comfort in your life, even if it's just a little.

 

[RadiantNumber]

They are not normal, they are just fake

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I can relate to this. Sometimes when I see people who grew up in loving and wealthy environments, traveling and exploring their own world, I feel both happy for them and deeply envious/jealous of them.
But when I look back on my own life, my heart often feels broken. It feels meaningless, and I don't think I'll ever be able to have a happy life like theirs.
I really hope things get better and you can find peace, happiness, and comfort in your life, even if it's just a little.

I feel the same way.

I hope the same for you! I appreciate you and i will be very sad if you ctb. I'd understand tho

They are not normal, they are just fake

Everyone is fake in a way. I still get jealous of them tho.

I feel the same. I got news yesterday that my family member graduated and got engaged. I'm happy for her but deep down I'm really jealous too, I don't know why I don't deserve some normalcy too.

It's tough when it's your family. I've felt the same. We deserve normalcy, but life has to pick some people to mess with it seems

 

[inara_9]

I am kinda similar, though so much more extreme and vicious that it's probably insulting to you to call myself similar.

Whenever someone talks about something they are better in than me, something positive they experienced but I didn't, something negative they didn't experience but I did, I am never, ever happy for them, the only thing I feel is jealousy and hatred. When someone starts talking, when I ask someone a question, I hope their answer is something that can make me feel superior. I hate myself for it, I have tried so much stopping these thoughts, but it didn't work and never will. Every word of congratulations I utter is fake. My inner self just wants others to suffer so it can feel better about itself and then act all compassionate and empathetic.

I never show this side, what I am truly like, to people, my conscious self hides what my inner self truly thinks. Though since this is a suicide forum I might as well describe a major driver in my suicidal ideation. I don't want to want everyone else to suffer, so I try to be comforting and act like a good person whenever to not cause any harm, but it's what truly happens inside of me. People think I am a nice person, but that isn't the case. My nature is flawed, evil and full of hatred. I should have purged myself from this earth for moral reasons alone a long time ago, though maybe my suffering is what I rather deserve for being like this. Not having friends and only being abused is probably for the better when it comes to a person like me.

I am a psychopath completely unable to feel joy for others.

(Disclaimer: This post isn't intended to elicit responses telling me I am not like that or something like that.)

Feel hugged dear

 

[morina]

I can relate a lot. Also you are much braver than me for admitting that. Cause i just typed out a long reply on how I'm similar and I ended up feeling way to scared about getting judged and reading it back made me want to ctb even more. Yeah I know this is an anonymous forum about ctb but I just can't. I care too much about what random others think of me for some reason. Even if you can't feel joy for others i appreciate your posts and messages they give me joy

Thank you, you are so nice. Sorry for "hijacking" your vent post with a personal vent, really shouldn't have done that, that was selfish. Intended to just answer your question about if there are people similar and then just kinda spiralled. Sorry.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

Thank you, you are so nice. Sorry for "hijacking" your vent post with a personal vent, really shouldn't have done that, that was selfish. Intended to just answer your question about if there are people similar and then just kinda spiralled. Sorry.

Nah, it's fine. It's comforting to have others to relate too. Too bad I was to anxious to share also. I hope you have a great day today!

 

[gottagorightnow]

I heavily relate to this. I normally don't get jealous but I am jealous of people who did not grow up abused and traumatized. Unfortunately I have no advice to give to help you cope, but you aren't alone.

Me too. I can't even imagine what it's like to grow up without trauma. To just… exist without all of it? I'm jealous of those people and how easy life is for them.

 

[itsgone2]

Me too. I can't even imagine what it's like to grow up without trauma. To just… exist without all of it? I'm jealous of those people and how easy life is for them.

I didn't think about it that way. What must it be like? To never know that fear and loneliness. Just love. This is kind of horrifying to think about. It would be so easy to create. Just love each other.

 

[gottagorightnow]

I didn't think about it that way. What must it be like? To never know that fear and loneliness. Just love. This is kind of horrifying to think about. It would be so easy to create. Just love each other.

I so wish everyone would just love each other. As someone who grew up with a narcissist parent and have had many in my life since, I know it would be impossible with those types of people in the world. But I wish we could all just choose to love each other.

 

[witchcraft]

It's always the people who have those things who are the first to lecture you about your negative feelings around not having them. Just picture a dude with a fast food burger walking down the street and telling a homeless person who says "I'm hungry, can you help" that they need to look inside themselves and be okay with what they already have. Obviously my example is rather dramatic, but the point is I encounter so much utter sanctimonious bullshit. "You're not entitled to food bro, take a hike. Let me quote a Bible passage about greed and envy to you in between the bites of my burger." I remember being this insensitive when I was, like, 13... But many of these people are adults and still act tough.

I mean, I get that nobody is required to help me just because I'm a Have Not in some way. But if you can't help the metaphorical homeless person then just say so and keep walking. Why go out of your way to spend more time and energy to be a prick? It's so unnecessary.

For many years I sought online community for my dating struggles. I could word things as carefully as possible, and add all the clarifications in the world about how I respect women but I was also frustrated sometimes by them, yet *supposedly* "well adjusted" people (they often describe themselves as being somehow superior or enlightened or "whole") start making a bunch of negative assumptions.

Like: you're probably weird. Ugly. Overweight. An incel. A creep. Abusive. A narcissist. Boring. Objectifying. Desperate. You're clearly hiding something from us, not telling us the truth.

Those responses sometimes came from women, which was only serving to potentially reinforce my negative beliefs or experiences. Luckily I just ended up hating people in general. It's genuinely depressing how many stupid assholes are in the world.

Reading comprehension is also just out the window. It often doesn't matter how well you explain something, how detailed, how clear and logical and organized all your thoughts are. You will vent about how you have tried so much advice over the years with no success, and people will literally digitally scream at you "you're not entitled to a woman's body loser." Like bro, was I not just describing for 5 paragraphs about how women aren't objects and I'm simply frustrated that my efforts don't matter and other men are playing on easy mode since they were born?

If you want to find a high-and-mighty stoic to talk down to you (gotta satisfy that degradation kink somehow), vent on a social media platform about not having something like love, purpose, or meaning in your life. It's like moths to a flame.

 

[itsgone2]

I so wish everyone would just love each other. As someone who grew up with a narcissist parent and have had many in my life since, I know it would be impossible with those types of people in the world. But I wish we could all just choose to love each other.

You are right. I know because I was a narcissist for so long. I see it now, which is rare I guess but also horrifying. It's not love. I don't know what came over me. Maybe no narcissist does, idk. I'm sorry you went through that too.

 

[HeyBoogahJr]

Tldr I'm a very jealous person.

I always wanted to graduate college, so when I hear other people talk about doing that and the fun times they had i feel so bad. Or people talking about how they had fun in their childhood. Meanwhile that's when I started messing my life up and it was a nightmare. I feel so jealous. When I talk to people with a really good job or money, I feel like I'm a lesser person then them. People will say they never dealt with mental issues or trauma and it makes me uncomfortable. When people have parents with money, and grew up with loving, non abusive, and non negligent parents, I wish it was me. When people have siblings they are super close to it reminds me of how I used to have that and I get depressed. When i hear others speak excitedly about ambitions and dreams I feel worthless for feeling I could never achieve mine, if i even have any at the time. I see people converse with others so easily, and I wonder why I'm so broken. I see people so in love then I start to feel horrible for not being able to feel that way towards partners. I can only feel a sick obsession and fear. I get told about or see people with large groups of friends and it reminds me how socially awkward and unstable I am. I destroy everything. I'm also sad when people have had friends for many years. I wish i could do that. When others can live in the moment, and not constantly worry or feel trapped in the past i want to cry. I wonder how others can be so proud of themselves or be mentally stable, it seems magical. When I see someone very skilled in a hobby they love or working so hard on things, I wonder why I wasted so much of my life. I feel so ashamed. I thought I'd be dead by now, and I wish I was instead of continuing on. I feel so awkward, and less than other people with good lives. I feel i don't deserve to be around them.

I'm so jealous of people who end up recovering, and doing well in life. I feel like I'm a failure. I really did try at times. I don't understand why I can't feel better. Maybe cause i let everything snowball and get so much worse for so long. I only feel better temporarily. I'm given some hope so it can be crushed again.

I'm a very jealous person. I mean I do feel happy for and like to see others doing well. It just also really hurts me and that makes me feel like a horrible, and pathetic person. Maybe I am a bad person. I have done things I truly wish i could change. And on top of that I plan to ctb despite knowing it will hurt others. I wish they would understand ctb is the best thing for me.

Does anyone else feel similar, or have a good way to cope? Sry for the long vent, had something bad happen and got into a mood.

Hi Kanau,

Sorry to hear that your feeling jealous of others, its a tough feeling to deal with when you see others better off than you. It's okay to feel these things. I hope you feel better soon.


I usually practice not being envious or jealous by thinking about something that would make me jealous/envious happening to: me, someone I like, someone I dislike, someone I really dislike and just being happy for them. "I'm glad you've got to experience this." "I hope you appreciate what you have"

I hope it helps.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

I used to feel this way. However, I've come to realize that being "normal" in this world means I'm actually a lot of what's wrong with it. I'm careful with the term "normal." It was "normal" to own slaves at one time in history. It was "normal" to beat my wife with a broom handle at one point. One of the most liberating things I've come to learn is that I'm not behind anyone. I'm not lesser than anyone. The people who seem "normal" are actually very miserable. This world is designed to destroy humans, not nourish them. It's designed to destroy the mind and spirit. To try and fit into that is to destroy myself more than suicide ever could.

I don't know, I'm weird. I see that people on this site actively hate themselves (most of them.) I find that very unfortunate. It's like being sad that you didn't win a rigged game of poker. This life only appears beautiful. Underneath it is hell. I'm not saying that out of bitterness, but lived experiences and observation. I'll never understand wanting to be a part of a sick and dying world. I've been where you are, though. I'm so sorry you feel like you're missing out on things...

Because you're not.

 

[Rihan]

Me too. I can't even imagine what it's like to grow up without trauma. To just… exist without all of it? I'm jealous of those people and how easy life is for them.

Right? The amount of people that I meet who did not grow up traumatized is way lower than I thought it would be. Having real parents is a foreign concept to me, and people just causally throw around how good of a relationship they have with their parents, or how they had the most amazing childhood. I genuinely forget that good, supportive parents still exist in this world.

 

[Asya]

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[Kanau_Nano]

It's always the people who have those things who are the first to lecture you about your negative feelings around not having them. Just picture a dude with a fast food burger walking down the street and telling a homeless person who says "I'm hungry, can you help" that they need to look inside themselves and be okay with what they already have. Obviously my example is rather dramatic, but the point is I encounter so much utter sanctimonious bullshit. "You're not entitled to food bro, take a hike. Let me quote a Bible passage about greed and envy to you in between the bites of my burger." I remember being this insensitive when I was, like, 13... But many of these people are adults and still act tough.

I mean, I get that nobody is required to help me just because I'm a Have Not in some way. But if you can't help the metaphorical homeless person then just say so and keep walking. Why go out of your way to spend more time and energy to be a prick? It's so unnecessary.

For many years I sought online community for my dating struggles. I could word things as carefully as possible, and add all the clarifications in the world about how I respect women but I was also frustrated sometimes by them, yet *supposedly* "well adjusted" people (they often describe themselves as being somehow superior or enlightened or "whole") start making a bunch of negative assumptions.

Like: you're probably weird. Ugly. Overweight. An incel. A creep. Abusive. A narcissist. Boring. Objectifying. Desperate. You're clearly hiding something from us, not telling us the truth.

Those responses sometimes came from women, which was only serving to potentially reinforce my negative beliefs or experiences. Luckily I just ended up hating people in general. It's genuinely depressing how many stupid assholes are in the world.

Reading comprehension is also just out the window. It often doesn't matter how well you explain something, how detailed, how clear and logical and organized all your thoughts are. You will vent about how you have tried so much advice over the years with no success, and people will literally digitally scream at you "you're not entitled to a woman's body loser." Like bro, was I not just describing for 5 paragraphs about how women aren't objects and I'm simply frustrated that my efforts don't matter and other men are playing on easy mode since they were born?

If you want to find a high-and-mighty stoic to talk down to you (gotta satisfy that degradation kink somehow), vent on a social media platform about not having something like love, purpose, or meaning in your life. It's like moths to a flame.

I know what you mean I've been around long enough. I see stuff like what you said online a lot. People are very aggressive and judgemental at times towards people that don't have what they have. When I was homeless it was real bad. People always thought I never tried to get better and I'd get yelled at or threatened even by some of the cops. The "advice" from people who never experienced it was very lacking. Like go get a job and stay at the Shelter and try harder. Okay? I don't have a ID or SS I have no money or a phone I can't shower often
the shelters get full I wanna die constantly etc Sorry you had to deal with those people online I understand how annoying that can be. I hope your day/night goes well

I used to feel this way. However, I've come to realize that being "normal" in this world means I'm actually a lot of what's wrong with it. I'm careful with the term "normal." It was "normal" to own slaves at one time in history. It was "normal" to beat my wife with a broom handle at one point. One of the most liberating things I've come to learn is that I'm not behind anyone. I'm not lesser than anyone. The people who seem "normal" are actually very miserable. This world is designed to destroy humans, not nourish them. It's designed to destroy the mind and spirit. To try and fit into that is to destroy myself more than suicide ever could.

I don't know, I'm weird. I see that people on this site actively hate themselves (most of them.) I find that very unfortunate. It's like being sad that you didn't win a rigged game of poker. This life only appears beautiful. Underneath it is hell. I'm not saying that out of bitterness, but lived experiences and observation. I'll never understand wanting to be a part of a sick and dying world. I've been where you are, though. I'm so sorry you feel like you're missing out on things...

Because you're not.

It does seem like hell at times. The people I'm super jealous of are those who have so much hope and appreciation for life. It doesn't seem like everyone is miserable. I've had people get confused when I talk about how I feel.

The world does seem very sick in a lot if ways for sure. I wish I could be like you and not feel beneath others.