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T

truthseeker

Student
Sep 9, 2019
123
Even now it's hard for me to reach out, I'm just so used to going through life alone. Trying to handle whatever comes my way solo. Not that I've had a choice but as my health has deteriorated to a point where quality of life is no longer even remotely satisfactory, I won't to make a few final efforts at discussing lighter topics than ctb. I had interests that meant something to me that have been pushed to the back of the 'fridge by failing health, depression and the desire to leave a world that I've never felt a part of or understand. Maybe between a rock and a hard place at this point.
I used to be a cinephile, a film fan. It was close to being a passion but I'm not sure what that even is really. Most all things related to movies interested me. I feel like I've seen a few thousand or more in my lifetime. I mention it because it was one way that I could feel somewhat connected to the world at large. Or as close as I wished to get. Now, I'm just numb. I seem to have lost that edge.

Long story shortened, I would like to msg./chat/PM with those that can relate to anything I've said. Even if not. I would think some people here might feel similar so I'm putting it out there, even if I feel naked and vulnerable. I fear being judged or rejected. I just feel the need to try before it's too late. Well, I'm just rambling now..
 
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azucaramargo

azucaramargo

Enlightened
Sep 16, 2018
1,010
Even now it's hard for me to reach out, I'm just so used to going through life alone. Trying to handle whatever comes my way solo. Not that I've had a choice but as my health has deteriorated to a point where quality of life is no longer even remotely satisfactory, I won't to make a few final efforts at discussing lighter topics than ctb. I had interests that meant something to me that have been pushed to the back of the 'fridge by failing health, depression and the desire to leave a world that I've never felt a part of or understand. Maybe between a rock and a hard place at this point.
I used to be a cinephile, a film fan. It was close to being a passion but I'm not sure what that even is really. Most all things related to movies interested me. I feel like I've seen a few thousand or more in my lifetime. I mention it because it was one way that I could feel somewhat connected to the world at large. Or as close as I wished to get. Now, I'm just numb. I seem to have lost that edge.

Long story shortened, I would like to msg./chat/PM with those that can relate to anything I've said. Even if not. I would think some people here might feel similar so I'm putting it out there, even if I feel naked and vulnerable. I fear being judged or rejected. I just feel the need to try before it's too late. Well, I'm just rambling now..
Very poignant post. Thank you. I like movies, too, and I will be PM'ing you now.
 
SoupSnakes

SoupSnakes

Experienced
Nov 11, 2019
217
My film knowledge is embarrassingly poor but always up for a chat if you want one
 
howard

howard

Experienced
Sep 13, 2019
268
Hi, I relate to what you say. Films were my passion in the past. I even did A level film studies many years ago
All I have anymore is a lap top and anything I can get online, even still nothing has any meaning any more
I would love to chat a bit if you want.
I am planning my exit soon with SN so it probably wouldn't be for very long.
PM if you like
Howard
 
SinisterKid

SinisterKid

Visionary
Jun 1, 2019
2,113
Distraction, my only friend, best distractions? Film and reading and being here. Chat is always open here.
 
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