Venting nobody was worried

[akira.kewl]

I was supposed to ctb tonight, but I became doubtful and backed out. A while in advance, I announced the date I was going to do it on multiple platforms, which was seen by many people. Of course, I'm not here to say nobody tried to talk me down; a few people did, and when I expressed doubts, some people (including on here) encouraged me not to do it.

But I didn't say I wouldn't everywhere. And when the day came I was supposed to do it, even before I said I might not actually do it, nobody cared. Nobody checked to see if I'd actually done it, or tried to convince me not to. I don't know, I guess it's egocentric to assume anyone cares enough about some stranger on the internet to actually check and see if they're still alive, but I thought at least someone would care, y'know? Not even my mutuals did. Nobody was genuinely worried for me. Everyone who told me not to do it was just doing that out of moral obligation, but nobody really cared if I did it or not. Nobody would've missed me.

I think I'm just gonna stay inactive on those accounts and see if now that from their point of view, it might be too late, they'll magically start worrying. Not at the point where I could've been stopped, but only when suicide turns from a nuisance to a tragedy: when one follows through.

I wish I'd followed through, but I'm too tired

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry you had so little response. I don't suppose you have very pro- choice connections? But then, you'd hope they still would be concerned to find out. They maybe could see you were still about if you were active in some way online but, they didn't know what to say. I don't know really. There again, peoole are so fixated on themselves these days.

Not to victim blane here but, have you threatened to do it in the past? I think that can sometimes affect the response too. Not that it should. People ought to be taken seriously. But, it's like that story: 'The boy who cried wolf.' People sadly start to become empathy and shock resistant if they hear stuff too often.

 

[akira.kewl]

Not to victim blane here but, have you threatened to do it in the past? I think that can sometimes affect the response too. Not that it should. People ought to be taken seriously. But, it's like that story: 'The boy who cried wolf.' People sadly start to become empathy and shock resistant if they hear stuff too often.

No, this was my first time. I'd spoken of ideation before, but I've never said I'd actually do it until now. I only planned to one other time in the past and I never told anyone that time.

it's part of why I was scared to back out, I didn't want to be the boy who cried wolf and make people think I said it for attention or would be lying if I said it again

 

[maylurker]

I guess it's egocentric to assume anyone cares enough about some stranger on the internet to actually check and see if they're still alive, but I thought at least someone would care, y'know?

it takes something to realise that to others u are pretty much just background noise and ur the only one who feels spotlight effect even though how cruel and depressing it might sound

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

No, this was my first time. I'd spoken of ideation before, but I've never said I'd actually do it until now. I only planned to one other time in the past and I never told anyone that time.

it's part of why I was scared to back out, I didn't want to be the boy who cried wolf and make people think I said it for attention or would be lying if I said it again

No, don't ever be afraid to change your mind for any reason. This is just about you, nobody else.

 

[Lamentice]

People are very desensitized to this sort of online announcement. Sorry OP.