Venting nobody cares that i'm gone

[emptymiku]

ive temporarily disappeared from my friend group. im usually there every day, but i decided to disappear for a bit without explaining why. it doesnt seem like anybody cares.

i'm the most annoying and unfully person i have ever met. leaving would be the most moral thing i could do to make everyone happier. but im so selfish i'll end up crawling back to it.

i really don't deserve them.

if i died, they would probably pretend to care for a little bit, and then they would go back to normal.

should i make them happy? should i make it so they celebrate when i die? should i leave them and never let them figure out what happens to me?

these are the only questions worth asking myself anymore.

 

[mistake22]

Maybe they care but dont want to be nosy. Maybe they are just toxic. All i can hope is that you feel better soon and find happy, healthy relationships. Wishing you the best

 

[morina]

ive temporarily disappeared from my friend group. im usually there every day, but i decided to disappear for a bit without explaining why. it doesnt seem like anybody cares.

i'm the most annoying and unfully person i have ever met. leaving would be the most moral thing i could do to make everyone happier. but im so selfish i'll end up crawling back to it.

i really don't deserve them.

if i died, they would probably pretend to care for a little bit, and then they would go back to normal.

should i make them happy? should i make it so they celebrate when i die? should i leave them and never let them figure out what happens to me?

these are the only questions worth asking myself anymore.

Omg same, I wonder why I can't just be normal and instead have to be so annoying and unfunny because making jokes and laughing is the only thing I can do since I have neither hobbies nor personality. :(

Though I don't think you should deny yourself connections because you think they are selfish. I hope you can find friends who appreciate you and who you can appreciate.

 

[emptymiku]

Omg same, I wonder why I can't just be normal and instead have to be so annoying and unfunny because making jokes and laughing is the only thing I can do since I have neither hobbies nor personality. :(

Though I don't think you should deny yourself connections because you think they are selfish. I hope you can find friends who appreciate you and who you can appreciate.

its not that theyre selfish, its that im unremarkable. they're the nicest people ive ever met.

 

[morina]

its not that theyre selfish, its that im unremarkable. they're the nicest people ive ever met.

Ah, by "they" I meant the connections themselves, as in you thinking you wanting to be friends with them is selfish, not that you think your friends are selfish. Sorry for the confusion.
But yeah, I think I get what you feel, I don't see a reason why anyone should be friends with me except to abuse me.

 

[Off_Switch]

Only true friends will stand the test of time. And it will probably on be one, maybe two or three if you're lucky.

 

[webb&flow]

A few questions.

1. How large is your friend group?

2. You say it "doesn't seem like anybody cares". What do you feel care looks like to you? What makes you feel cared for most?

i'm the most annoying and unfully person i have ever met. leaving would be the most moral thing i could do to make everyone happier. but im so selfish i'll end up crawling back to it.

This is a subjective self-perception. What evidence do you have for this belief? (Statements such as "I just know it" are assertion alone; what do you feel has made you think these things?)

if i died, they would probably pretend to care for a little bit, and then they would go back to normal.

I encourage you look at people's suicide grief experiences here. This is not how grief works: especially in friend groups.

should i make them happy? should i make it so they celebrate when i die? should i leave them and never let them figure out what happens to me?

I am sorry, but that is extremely unrealistic. That is not how people react to grief.

May you find better friends <3. I'm sorry to hear about this <3. How did you meet them?

 

[pika401]

i'd say that only you can be the one to influence your will to live. even if you assume nobody cares about you, if you think you are worthy of anything, you are much better off trying to find ways to live happily by yourself.

tl;dr if you are killing yourself make sure its for your own good, and not for others