No-one likes me.

[LoafofBread]

I don't have any real friends, just an assortment of 5 or so people who are too polite to ignore my messages and too cowardly to be honest with me.

I think i like to fantasise about suicide less because I actually want to die and more because I like to imagine people caring about me and being sad about my death. Who would care? What would they say at my funeral?

Realistically I know they would all get over it within a couple of weeks, but the initial care is something at least.

 

[fedup1982]

If your acquaintances were honest with you, what do you think they'd say?

 

[Jadeith]

who are too polite to ignore my messages and too cowardly to be honest with me.

Or they genuinely care and it's your brain who tries to trick you into believing no-one gives a damn. As for those suicide fantasies, there are 2 problems with them - one you already somewhat mentioned, If they didn't care while you were alive then what would make them care when you are dead? Sure, they will probably show up to your funeral and then, as you said, they would all get over it pretty quickly. But, if, contrary to what you believe in, even one of them cares, they will be left damaged for life.
Second problem is - so what if there's a care from any of them AFTER you die? You won't be able to see it, to feel it, to experience it in any shape or form. How would it benefit you? The answer is - it won't. You'd lose everything for the care you'll never witness.
And now we come to "friends" themselves. Of course i cannot know for sure what is happening between you and them. Is it that they really just pretend to be polite but in reality don't give a flying intercourse or is it is you who got it all wrong and they really and genuinely care about you? I dunno. But keep in mind that experience (mine at least) teaches that it is better to be with zero real friends than with a crowd of fakes.

 

[SnaileyBailey]

Even the people I barely knew that committed CBT I still think about. Death affects people a lot more than you think and sometimes it can be hard to fathom when you're in a pit.

Why dont you think people like you?