No one has faith in me anymore

[bl33ding_heart]

All of the people I know that are aware of my borderline personality disorder and mental state have lost faith in me, and have for a while now. At first they genuinely believed I could get better, and so did I. And looking back on it, they only had a sense of hope for me because they weren't fully aware of the symptoms of my bpd and how they affected me. But once they witnessed that for themselves and became aware they immediately just lost faith in me. They started to see me as a lost cause rather than a suffering person that desperately needed help. And while having people that believe in me won't automatically cure my suicidality. Because I was still suicidal when I was lucky enough to have that. It would at least make me more hopeful and encourage me to try and get better, even by just a little bit. But no one wants to believe in me anymore, or even care. I talked to this friend I've had for almost 2 years now about my bpd. And all he said was "I'm sorry but I don't care about understanding your bpd, I'm too busy and have bigger problems". And he isn't obliged to be there for me but it seriously felt like a stab in the heart, especially since I've helped him out significantly in the past. Even at times when I seriously didn't have the energy to do so. It just feels so shitty knowing no one wants to be there for me or even have a little faith in me. But maybe they are right and I truly am nothing more than a lost cause.

 

[peacebenow]

When people don't know how to help they often distance themselves and when they feel overwhelmed by the suffering. When they realize that it is a long term thing and there is no easy solution or cure it can be very hard for people to stick around and keep up the encouragement. They may have faith in you but just don't show it when you feel you need it. It can become more you relying on yourself to keep your own faith in yourself. Your friend's response sounds like they are unable to handle anything else in their life at the moment. It may not mean they will be that way next week though. I am sure it hurt to hear; it may not have been meant to be taken personally at all, even though it felt painful to hear. It can be hard to realize that some people don't have as much bandwidth as you feel that you do to be there for others.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

When people don't know how to help they often distance themselves and when they feel overwhelmed by the suffering. When they realize that it is a long term thing and there is no easy solution or cure it can be very hard for people to stick around and keep up the encouragement. They may have faith in you but just don't show it when you feel you need it. It can become more you relying on yourself to keep your own faith in yourself. Your friend's response sounds like they are unable to handle anything else in their life at the moment. It may not mean they will be that way next week though. I am sure it hurt to hear; it may not have been meant to be taken personally at all, even though it felt painful to hear. It can be hard to realize that some people don't have as much bandwidth as you feel that you do to be there for others.

The thing is I wasn't constantly talking to them about my problems, I barely did it. They just saw the way I was during my worst moments and immediately lost hope in me. I don't know if that's more indicative of who they really are or how hopeless I am lmao.

 

[SoverignDreamer97]

So be it, beloved; let them believe what they want, for this is out of your hands.

"You cannot please everyone; control the things you can control." ~Suncha Ferreira (Victus Group)

 

[peacebenow]

The thing is I wasn't constantly talking to them about my problems, I barely did it. They just saw the way I was during my worst moments and immediately lost hope in me. I don't know if that's more indicative of who they really are or how hopeless I am lmao.

I know, I get it. I was getting at the same thing. They saw you that way. It can be everything I said above and also who they are as individuals. Their behavior does not determine your hopelessness even though you may internalize it that way.

 

[wine is fine but]

some have fairh in you, but the only person who truly needs to have fairh in you, is yourself

you do have sone, but hopefully you can find even more. you are trying so hard, you deserve to win this battle

the word needs people like you. it does not deserve them, but ir definitely neefs them

 

[bl33ding_heart]

some have fairh in you, but the only person who truly needs to have fairh in you, is yourself

you do have sone, but hopefully you can find even more. you are trying so hard, you deserve to win this battle

the word needs people like you. it does not deserve them, but ir definitely neefs them

Thank you so much for your kindness. This genuinely made me smile.

 

[iCryInMySecretSpot]

awww im sorry angel <3 again, you're like the nicest person i know here. i hope you can find good friends and a support system that cares. i KNOW you can get better.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

awww im sorry angel <3 again, you're like the nicest person i know here. i hope you can find good friends and a support system that cares. i KNOW you can get better.

Aww, tysm! Love you dude.

 

[wine is fine but]

Thank you so much for your kindness. This genuinely made me smile.

you are welcome, but any faith i have in you comes directly from yourself

you are wise beyond your years. some of the replies you give to help people are priceless. it is heart breaking to read that you might end your life soon. i, obviously cannot know exactly what you are going through. maybe i do not have any idea at all, even though i might. you are just so young, and you do have an amount of hope, which would be tragic to extinguish it. you are still in the years that i honestly would not want to go back to. i do not want to go back to anytime previous in my life, but if i had to, it would not be before my 30's. if you can hang on, then things will almost certainly get betters. will it be worth hanging on for? i cannot tell you that, but i never wanted to get to double figures, then not to 21. i cannot look and say that i am glad to have survived my attempts when younger and a year or 2 older than you, but i have had some great times since then which has made it worth it

if you truly need someone to have faith in you, please believe me when i say i do. i do not wax lyrical ever. your posts have suggested that you do not really want to die, so why not keep your options open. if they are open, you can always choose it later on if necessary. there is not need to rush into it. there are buses everywhere and will be long into the future if you decide you must catch one

 

[Bishop]

Self love and self compassion

 

[snowyyy]

All of the people I know that are aware of my borderline personality disorder and mental state have lost faith in me, and have for a while now. At first they genuinely believed I could get better, and so did I. And looking back on it, they only had a sense of hope for me because they weren't fully aware of the symptoms of my bpd and how they affected me. But once they witnessed that for themselves and became aware they immediately just lost faith in me. They started to see me as a lost cause rather than a suffering person that desperately needed help. And while having people that believe in me won't automatically cure my suicidality. Because I was still suicidal when I was lucky enough to have that. It would at least make me more hopeful and encourage me to try and get better, even by just a little bit. But no one wants to believe in me anymore, or even care. I talked to this friend I've had for almost 2 years now about my bpd. And all he said was "I'm sorry but I don't care about understanding your bpd, I'm too busy and have bigger problems". And he isn't obliged to be there for me but it seriously felt like a stab in the heart, especially since I've helped him out significantly in the past. Even at times when I seriously didn't have the energy to do so. It just feels so shitty knowing no one wants to be there for me or even have a little faith in me. But maybe they are right and I truly am nothing more than a lost cause.

*hugs* Please don't think of yourself that way. I'm just random but I believe in you with all my heart, because I know how BPD can be on a daily basis and sometimes people don't realize it. It's pure hell. And most importantly, you are not a lost cause. You are here. You're alive, despite debilitating suicidal thoughts. The most important thing is that you fight it every day Take care

 

[redmourningdove]

Just the fact that you decided to voice these struggles today and try to make your close friends understand indicates you're definitely not a lost cause. Even when you're feeling suicidal, it's incredibly selfless of you to try to be helpful and supportive from a position where everything feels meaningless. I hope you know you are loved, and the people who don't care to understand you, don't deserve you. You're here, and tomorrow will be a better day. Take care

 

[Forever Sleep]

Ignore this if it's being too intrusive but- in what way are you hoping to get better? Less depressed or suicidal? Less extremes of emotions?

I'll be truthful and say- I nearly befriended someone with borderline here. But then, they were honest about blowing hot and cold on people- depending on their mood. While I don't believe I have borderline, I can easily become too attached and overdependent on people. Especially if they are very gushing/ enthusiastic over friendship and connection.

From past experience, I know how heart breaking it is for me to lose a close friend. So- while this person was amazing, I could see the mix of our own peculiarities becoming an unhappy mix.

It's sad to say it but, I think to an extent- we all have to look out for our own emotional stability. And sometimes, while it's not our own fault or theirs, we aren't always good for one another.

Another perspective is- sometimes a person may in fact be trying to protect a friendship. Obviously- if they are never there to lean on in return then- that isn't much of a friendship. Still- sometimes we may just be in the kind of mood where we won't be supportive to a friend. We may be liable to come out with sarcastic or uncaring remarks. In which case- it's maybe safer to say we're not in a good place to discuss problems right now.

Ideally, it would be great if we could always be there for one another and, always be calm and kind. But then, I suppose the other person may also have stuff going on mentally/ emotionally which affects them too.

I'm sorry though. I do remember the sting of feeling rejected/ let down or burdensome to friends.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Ignore this if it's being too intrusive but- in what way are you hoping to get better? Less depressed or suicidal? Less extremes of emotions?

I'll be truthful and say- I nearly befriended someone with borderline here. But then, they were honest about blowing hot and cold on people- depending on their mood. While I don't believe I have borderline, I can easily become too attached and overdependent on people. Especially if they are very gushing/ enthusiastic over friendship and connection.

From past experience, I know how heart breaking it is for me to lose a close friend. So- while this person was amazing, I could see the mix of our own peculiarities becoming an unhappy mix.

It's sad to say it but, I think to an extent- we all have to look out for our own emotional stability. And sometimes, while it's not our own fault or theirs, we aren't always good for one another.

Another perspective is- sometimes a person may in fact be trying to protect a friendship. Obviously- if they are never there to lean on in return then- that isn't much of a friendship. Still- sometimes we may just be in the kind of mood where we won't be supportive to a friend. We may be liable to come out with sarcastic or uncaring remarks. In which case- it's maybe safer to say we're not in a good place to discuss problems right now.

Ideally, it would be great if we could always be there for one another and, always be calm and kind. But then, I suppose the other person may also have stuff going on mentally/ emotionally which affects them too.

I'm sorry though. I do remember the sting of feeling rejected/ let down or burdensome to friends.

I'm just hoping to minimise the symptoms of this disorder so they can be more bearable, they eat me alive every day. I suppose it consists of both my depression and suicide ideation and the emotional extremes I have to deal with. To be honest if you think you have bpd only a licensed professional will be able to tell you. A lot of other disorders can overlap with bpd a lot.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm just hoping to minimise the symptoms of this disorder so they can be more bearable, they eat me alive every day. I suppose it consists of both my depression and suicide ideation and the emotional extremes I have to deal with. To be honest if you think you have bpd only a licensed professional will be able to tell you. A lot of other disorders can overlap with bpd a lot.

It does sound a nightmare. I'm sorry. I don't really think I do have bpd although, I do relate to the whole favourite person neediness side to it. I also went through a few bouts of what I believe was limerence so- I can relate to having very intense needs of other people. Or, being in an obsessive state.

I'm pretty isolated now though and comfortable living like that so- I doubt I do have bpd. More like a tendency to become clingy and over dependent- if I'm not careful. Maybe more of an anxious attachment style rather than borderline.

Are you talking to a therapist? Do they give you practical/ behavioral things to try to ease the symptoms?

 

[bl33ding_heart]

It does sound a nightmare. I'm sorry. I don't really think I do have bpd although, I do relate to the whole favourite person neediness side to it. I also went through a few bouts of what I believe was limerence so- I can relate to having very intense needs of other people. Or, being in an obsessive state.

I'm pretty isolated now though and comfortable living like that so- I doubt I do have bpd. More like a tendency to become clingy and over dependent- if I'm not careful. Maybe more of an anxious attachment style rather than borderline.

Are you talking to a therapist? Do they give you practical/ behavioral things to try to ease the symptoms?

Unfortunately I'm unable to get professional help at the moment. I just have to kind of live with this mental turmoil. I will possibly be able to see a psychologist in 2 weeks from now though.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Unfortunately I'm unable to get professional help at the moment. I just have to kind of live with this mental turmoil. I will possibly be able to see a psychologist in 2 weeks from now though.

I really hope you can and that they can help.

 

[pk@2001]

Unfortunately I'm unable to get professional help at the moment. I just have to kind of live with this mental turmoil. I will possibly be able to see a psychologist in 2 weeks from now though.

I really hope you'll see a way out of this