no idea where help is

[Life_and_Death]

again...ive told him multiple times "i cant handle you suddenly being gone" and suddenly hes gone, again.
again again again again
im tired of again. youre not my husband. you fix things. why isnt this getting fixed!?
"hey just in case youre still awake when im done im gonna be busy"
i would have taken a melatonin and went to sleep. everything could have been fine
.
i know hes different....i think. what the fuck do i know, ive fucked everything else up...
i found something earlier to help me when this happens
but, bpd, i cant get my head around it on my own
and any one/place i think to ask for help i change my mind

suicide would stop everything. i just want to bring everything to a screeching halt.

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you're suffering