Venting Neurodivergent or Just Lazy?

[Unsure and Useless]

The worst thing about being undiagnosed is the constant doubt that, maybe, I'm just a lazy piece of shit. My GPA is going down the drain and I'm performing terribly in all of my classes, but I can't bring myself to do anything because I only have the "motivation" to just rot away and hope that I die on the spot.

Confiding in anyone is pointless because I only get the average "just do your work" response when the problem is that I can't do it in the first place. Answers like that make me feel defective and just not built for life.

At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm just a lazy neurotypical unconsciously pretending to be neurodivergent. I've done my research on ADHD, and based on what I've seen, even in moments of stress, ADHD people can manifest a burst of energy to get their work done at the last minute, but I can't even do that. Not only that, but people with autism usually have a special interest as well as sensory issues. However, my "special interest" cycles too quickly to be considered those, and I don't even have sensory issues.

Just another reason why I should CTB.

 

[MathConspiracy]

I feel you. While I'm probably the most neurotypical person there is, I often think about whether I'm mentally ill or just lazy. I go through long periods of depression and then it gets better for a few weeks. Last time it was so bad I just constantly slept. Now I'm on a better phase.

It's during these slightly better times when I wonder if I'm just fucking lazy. I can't do any work. I have 0 motivation and 0 focus.

I wish you peace, my friend.

 

[TheMountainTreeEgg]

I relate to this a lot. I believe I have ADHD and started looking into in in my freshman year of highschool (I'm a freshman in college now), I wanted to get an evaluation but it just never happened. During high school I had several friends diagnosed with ADHD saying it was fairly obvious, my sisters would also say the same thing, but since I'm not diagnosed I truly don't know. I don't know if I'm overthinking, because some nuerotypical people have neurodivergent tendencies. To be honest tho I might just be both, a lazy piece of shit and neurodivergent.

 

[Douggy82]

Nuerological issues are everywhere. They used to be rare. Now, they're common.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

From what I know about special interests, they can actually vary in both duration and intensity among individuals. Some people with autism also do not have sensory issues. Around 90 percent of those with autism struggle with sensory processing issues, meaning that there is a minority of autistic individuals who do not have these sorts of issues.

Honestly though, assuming that your "laziness" is due to some sort of deeper underlying issues (which sounds like is the case), then you should know that this could be a symptom of other types of conditions as well, such as depression. This might be less of an "I'm just a lazy neurotypical" situation and more of a "what I am experiencing is a symptom of something that isn't autism or ADHD" situation.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I also relate in confusion and thus frustration of what I think about it all. Nothing fully matches up with me. Also I get put off by all the 'influencer' chat. For everything that might be a 'red flag', there's other aspects that totally don't fit.

My therapist has started floating the idea too (after 2.5 years) but it just seems so unclear and also pointless given the waiting lists and issues around labels and testing.

There's so many times I can buck my ideas up and get things done and to a high level when needed but others it just doesn't happen. I could ALWAYS have tried harder/better, been less lazy. Weaknesses can always be explained away with busy/chaotic lifestyle.

Looking back, I was 'diagnosed' dyslexic around 18/19 at the end of school/start of uni, which technically does make me 'neurodivergent'. But it doesn't feel right/like it 'fits'. And all the 'supports' I was given didn't really get used (lazy). Scraped a pass after several resits (4 years for a 3 year course). Too social/drunk/sporty/PT job. That was 15 years ago now anyway.

Sorry, turned into a rant there, hit a nerve. It sucks.