nausea as you realize you are most likely going through with it

[offbalance]

So I've been considering suicide all my adult life, I'm nearly 30 now. Lately I've been realizing more and more the futility of it all and I've been more and more ready to go. No medication has been able to erase the fact I simply don't like life. Today I was browsing this forum and reflecting on when I will probably go and I think sometime in the next year. As that realization came, a wave of subtle nausea has started to pour over me. It's not bad necessarily but my body is realizing that this is getting more real. And that feels surreal

 

[jewelxxet]

i also get that nauseous sensation a lot when i think about ctb, sometimes it also fogs my brain and makes me feel weak and sleepy like im about to pass out