My time is finally here. Thank you and Goodbye ❤️

[rozeske]

I'm feeling too anxious and sick to my stomach also nauseous so I've skipped the plan of last meal and just had a milkshake of a sort before going to bed so fasting started about an hour ago till tomorrow morning. Why does this have to be so hard? I wish there was a button to just push and disappear. Hoping to manage to get some sleep. I talk in my sleep when I'm stressed or anxious, low key worried I'll blabber about my plan in my sleep. I wish this will be over soon.

 

[Echo]

I hope that you find peace

 

[Endisclose]

Hi Rozeske. Just saw this thread, am kinda dismayed a little to see you leave. I have always found you measured and level headed and helpful generally in all your posts. I've always been wanting to message you but could never get round to it as I've been enduring a terrible health nightmare of sorts these past two years.

You have been a calming and sane voice around here for so long, it feels difficult for me to come to terms with this. All the same, I understand perfectly well that you've made your choice and wish you peace and a smooth journey. I hope you find the peace that all of us here are seeking. Take care and bon voyage.

 

[fruitninjamaster]

I hope you can find calm and rest

 

[Forveleth]

Hope you can get some rest. A milkshake is a great last meal!

 

[rozeske]

Well the anxiety has become more than I can handle and none of my usual coping mechanisms seem to calm me down. I am fighting the urge to vomit. I'm not sure i can go through with my plan in such a state of mind or if i even should. I've decided to give it a few more days and see how it goes, likely keep using this thread to update. I hate how my perfectly planned easy day turned into this mess. Thank you to all of you for your wishes and kind words. It meant a lot.

 

[Forveleth]

Well the anxiety has become more than I can handle and none of my usual coping mechanisms seem to calm me down. I am fighting the urge to vomit. I'm not sure i can go through with my plan in such a state of mind or if i even should. I've decided to give it a few more days and see how it goes, likely keep using this thread to update. I hate how my perfectly planned easy day turned into this mess. Thank you to all of you for your wishes and kind words. It meant a lot.

Take your time and only make an attempt when you are definitely ready. We are here with you either way.

 

[unluckysadness]

I hope you will be delivered from all your suffering

 

[l1f31spa1n]

I have decided today will be my last day. Tomorrow morning I'll get a hotel room and take my SN in about 21-22hrs from now. To be honest it's been a while since I stopped living. I feel like I've already died a couple years ago, this is just a formality to make my death official so people can put me in the ground and "mourn me" or whatever...get on with their lives. I've already mourned my life, the life I've lived, the life that could have been and so much more...and no one is going to mourn my life more than i deed. It took me a good while to let go and reach this decision but I've gotten to the point of accepting and feel content in my decision. I wish I had it in me to wait till after the holidays to do this but I just don't have anymore fight left in me. I wanna be gone. I've wanted to be gone for so long now. Had it not been for this site I was already at my limit two years ago and somehow it's this site that's kept me around. I've met so many kind souls here that helped me in my darkest days some already gone and some still around. I want to thank everyone here that's made it bearable for me to hang around this long, chatting with me, interacting with my posts or even with just your own posts. It meant the world to me. RAS, Mods thank you for fighting the good fight for this site's existence and for all that you do to keep this place running while still dealing with your own struggles. Please deactivate my account if I don't return.
I will be following the basic stat dose with 1000mg paracetamol, 30mg meto and 25gm sn in 50ml water with a backup cup. I wish I had benzos right now, not to take the insane amount of the recommended dose but just to ease this anxiety I'm feeling. I guess It will have to do with what I've got. I'll keep updating till the last moment and someone is going to be with me via video call and they will find a way to update this thread on what happens. I ask y'all to be kind and respectful. I love you all so much and wish you the very best wherever your path leads you

I hope you find peace up there I will pray for you tonight

I have decided today will be my last day. Tomorrow morning I'll get a hotel room and take my SN in about 21-22hrs from now. To be honest it's been a while since I stopped living. I feel like I've already died a couple years ago, this is just a formality to make my death official so people can put me in the ground and "mourn me" or whatever...get on with their lives. I've already mourned my life, the life I've lived, the life that could have been and so much more...and no one is going to mourn my life more than i deed. It took me a good while to let go and reach this decision but I've gotten to the point of accepting and feel content in my decision. I wish I had it in me to wait till after the holidays to do this but I just don't have anymore fight left in me. I wanna be gone. I've wanted to be gone for so long now. Had it not been for this site I was already at my limit two years ago and somehow it's this site that's kept me around. I've met so many kind souls here that helped me in my darkest days some already gone and some still around. I want to thank everyone here that's made it bearable for me to hang around this long, chatting with me, interacting with my posts or even with just your own posts. It meant the world to me. RAS, Mods thank you for fighting the good fight for this site's existence and for all that you do to keep this place running while still dealing with your own struggles. Please deactivate my account if I don't return.
I will be following the basic stat dose with 1000mg paracetamol, 30mg meto and 25gm sn in 50ml water with a backup cup. I wish I had benzos right now, not to take the insane amount of the recommended dose but just to ease this anxiety I'm feeling. I guess It will have to do with what I've got. I'll keep updating till the last moment and someone is going to be with me via video call and they will find a way to update this thread on what happens. I ask y'all to be kind and respectful. I love you all so much and wish you the very best wherever your path leads you

I hope you find peace up there I will pray for you tonight

 

[Realog11]

I have decided today will be my last day. Tomorrow morning I'll get a hotel room and take my SN in about 21-22hrs from now. To be honest it's been a while since I stopped living. I feel like I've already died a couple years ago, this is just a formality to make my death official so people can put me in the ground and "mourn me" or whatever...get on with their lives. I've already mourned my life, the life I've lived, the life that could have been and so much more...and no one is going to mourn my life more than i deed. It took me a good while to let go and reach this decision but I've gotten to the point of accepting and feel content in my decision. I wish I had it in me to wait till after the holidays to do this but I just don't have anymore fight left in me. I wanna be gone. I've wanted to be gone for so long now. Had it not been for this site I was already at my limit two years ago and somehow it's this site that's kept me around. I've met so many kind souls here that helped me in my darkest days some already gone and some still around. I want to thank everyone here that's made it bearable for me to hang around this long, chatting with me, interacting with my posts or even with just your own posts. It meant the world to me. RAS, Mods thank you for fighting the good fight for this site's existence and for all that you do to keep this place running while still dealing with your own struggles. Please deactivate my account if I don't return.
I will be following the basic stat dose with 1000mg paracetamol, 30mg meto and 25gm sn in 50ml water with a backup cup. I wish I had benzos right now, not to take the insane amount of the recommended dose but just to ease this anxiety I'm feeling. I guess It will have to do with what I've got. I'll keep updating till the last moment and someone is going to be with me via video call and they will find a way to update this thread on what happens. I ask y'all to be kind and respectful. I love you all so much and wish you the very best wherever your path leads you

Are you still here

 

[lawlietsph]

I saw your name and my heart dropped. We didn't talk, but I remember you. I wish you good luck and peace, whatever you decide to do.

 

[rozeske]

Are you still here

Yup, still here. My anxiety seems to have calmed down a bit but my chest still feels tight. I'm planning to give myself a day or to to see if I can keep it together and get this thing over with. I've had so many things hurt me, I've blamed others for it, I've blamed my fortune, God...I can't keep postponing and be the source of my pain too. I need to do this soon and put myself out of my misery.

 

[Realog11]

Yup, still here. My anxiety seems to have calmed down a bit but my chest still feels tight. I'm planning to give myself a day or to to see if I can keep it together and get this thing over with. I've had so many things hurt me, I've blamed others for it, I've blamed my fortune, God...I can't keep postponing and be the source of my pain too. I need to do this soon and put myself out of my misery.

Let me know before you do it

 

[Praestat_Mori]

How do you feel?

 

[blckfurmutt]

Thinking of you

nice pfp

 

[rozeske]

Let me know before you do it

Umm..okay..?

How do you feel?

I'm feeling a bit better now p. It's taking longer than usual to calm down but getting there. Funny my attacks seem to exacerbate whenever my set date gets close by and start to cool down when I postpone.

 

[reb]

nice pfp

Thank you king

 

[death over slavery]

Peace on the other side, friend!

 

[rozeske]

Looks like someone else beat me to the bus. A neighbour caught the bus last night and now there's a funeral. If i had been brave enough there was gonna be two suicide funerals. I think they too didn't wanna be around for the holiday. I feel sad that they even had to be in this position but so envious of their currage.

 

[marksofdespair]

nice pfp

bladee!!!

Umm..okay..?


I'm feeling a bit better now p. It's taking longer than usual to calm down but getting there. Funny my attacks seem to exacerbate whenever my set date gets close by and start to cool down when I postpone.

Planning a suicide to me is more nerve wracking than just doing it impulsively. A set date tends to cause anxiety

 

[rozeske]

Planning a suicide to me is more nerve wracking than just doing it impulsively. A set date tends to cause anxiety

Very true, specially when you're the type that's used to the comfort of routine and familiarity.

 

[Endisclose]

Looks like someone else beat me to the bus. A neighbour caught the bus last night and now there's a funeral. If i had been brave enough there was gonna be two suicide funerals. I think they too didn't wanna be around for the holiday. I feel sad that they even had to be in this position but so envious of their currage.

No problem. There's no shame in being honest with yourself. I am glad to have you around for some more time. Take things as they are and let things happen naturally. You are very much valued and all of us would love to have you around for as long as possible .

 

[Al_stargate]

Yeah don't feel pressured. Anytime I set a date I was too stressed to go through with it. Stress of it plus having to do an act that can be very uncomfortable is incredibly difficult. I had evenings where I was sitting with potion next to me and just couldn't get myself to do it even though I can't stand my current living situation. Wish there was a simple pill to swallow and fall asleep, would make it a lot easier.

 

[Unknown21]

I will miss you fr... I hope you get what you're looking for... It's hard to see this... Goodbye

 

[Realog11]

Looks like someone else beat me to the bus. A neighbour caught the bus last night and now there's a funeral. If i had been brave enough there was gonna be two suicide funerals. I think they too didn't wanna be around for the holiday. I feel sad that they even had to be in this position but so envious of their currage.

Damn how did your neighbour do it if you know

 

[rozeske]

Damn how did your neighbour do it if you know

No details yet, except for blames and mercy on their soul for going to hell. It's probably hanging.

 

[Realog11]

No details yet, except for blames and mercy on their soul for going to hell. It's probably hanging.

Ok

 

[Chocomel]

I hope you find the peace you are looking for mate

 

[rozeske]

Alright...let's try this again. It ended in a disaster last time I tried this. It's been a month now and tomorrow seems like the right time to leave. I feel so much calmer than last time, even had a last meal, steak sandwich with some fries and a shake. It was a late lunch so I won't be having anything else for dinner just a glass of the leftover shake. Let the fasting begin....

 

[CatLvr]

Alright...let's try this again. It ended in a disaster last time I tried this. It's been a month now and tomorrow seems like the right time to leave. I feel so much calmer than last time, even had a last meal, steak sandwich with some fries and a shake. It was a late lunch so I won't be having anything else for dinner just a glass of the leftover shake. Let the fasting begin....

I haven't checked in regularly for a while now and when I saw your thread it hurt my heart. You are always so kind ...

Anyway, I wish you all the peace you seek, no matter how, when, where ... You know. ALL the stuff. Take care, sweetie. And be gentle with yourself -- this stuff is SO hard, even when we WANT to go.