My spending addiction is a reason for my suicidality

[burninghill]

I spend so much money. It's the only thing that makes me feel better, I guess a broke daughter is better than a dead one but it seriously upsets me.

I keep telling myself that it won't matter if I'm dead but it still bothers me. I could have about twice as much money saved but I don't because I buy food to binge eat and I buy things I don't need and I'm addicted to nicotine so I buy zyns and cigarettes and alcohol too.

I used to be so anxious about money and now look at me. I think it's mostly upsetting because it's entirely in my control. I told myself the £20 I spent at morrisons was the last of it, then I spend £15 on nicotine pouches. I keep saying 'one more purchase' and it's just never gonna end. I really just can't help it. Maybe this is a first world, privledged problem.

I really wanna kill myself just so all these tiny problems go away and I don't have to be anxious anymore.

 

[The Disqualified]

Hi. How are you?

I am really glad you are still alive :)
I had been focused on studying.

Yeah. Of these, my bad habit would be binge eating. I don't use drugs, but eating sugary things and special dishes is something I do to cope when I am overwhelmed.
I just ate something sugary actually. I was passing by a supermarket and just couldn't resist it...
Eating sugary foods is something I used to do constantly when feeling suicidal and overwhelmed.

I am usually fine with money, but money makes me anxious for some reason. This anxiety has been with me since childhood, and I think it is related to my parents. I was always extremely afraid of asking anything to them. I have always been very frugal, except for using food to cope with depression.

I am not overweight. I am actually quite skinny, but I don't eat healthy.

I used to be so anxious about money and now look at me. I think it's mostly upsetting because it's entirely in my control. I told myself the £20 I spent at morrisons was the last of it, then I spend £15 on nicotine pouches. I keep saying 'one more purchase' and it's just never gonna end. I really just can't help it.

I see.
It seems you are addicted to many things. I hope you take care of yourself.
Sending hugs

 

[burninghill]

Hi. How are you?

I am really glad you are still alive :)
I had been focused on studying.

Yeah. Of these, my bad habit would be binge eating. I don't use drugs, but eating sugary things and special dishes is something I do to cope when I am overwhelmed.
I just ate something sugary actually. I was passing by a supermarket and just couldn't resist it...
Eating sugary foods is something I used to do constantly when feeling suicidal and overwhelmed.

I am usually fine with money, but money makes me anxious for some reason. This anxiety has been with me since childhood, and I think it is related to my parents. I was always extremely afraid of asking anything to them. I have always been very frugal, except for using food to cope with depression.

I am not overweight. I am actually quite skinny, but I don't eat healthy.


I see.
It seems you are addicted to many things. I hope you take care of yourself.
Sending hugs

Haha I'm really skinny too, not sure where all the food goes. I ate sugar for 2 years straight as my main meal (I'd have lunch and sometimes dinner with a lot of sweets inbetween, sometimes I'd skip out on dinner for sweets instead) so I weaned myself off of them and then fell into the 'I'm gonna kill myself anyway' mindset. Now I have something sweet every day, which isn't terrible but.. you know.

I'm okay, surprised I'm still alive! I'd be suprised if I make it until the end of the year. How's studying going? I appreciate you checking in on me.

 

[tsykoais]

me as well

whenever I have money I just have to spend it for whatever reason likely related to my bpd though

 

[The Disqualified]

Haha I'm really skinny too, not sure where all the food goes.

Funny, that's what people always told me

I ate sugar for 2 years straight as my main meal (I'd have lunch and sometimes dinner with a lot of sweets inbetween, sometimes I'd skip out on dinner for sweets instead) so I weaned myself off of them and then fell into the 'I'm gonna kill myself anyway' mindset. Now I have something sweet every day, which isn't terrible but.. you know.

I had read that sugar (and a bad diet in general) can influence your mood for the worse in the long term. So I kinda feel guilty as I feel like I am damaging my body and mind.
I need to have a healthier relationship with food. I also need to go back to working out regularly. I need that.

Also, sometimes I will eat too much of something sweet, and, as the pleasure starts to wear off, then feel intensely disgusted at what I had just done. I feel disgusted.

I'm okay, surprised I'm still alive! I'd be suprised if I make it until the end of the year.

That would be a pity. I hope you can feel better.
It seems like your body and mind is under a lot of stress. Sugar, alcohol, nicotine, cigarettes, self-harm, DPH, etc.
I understand these are the ways you cope with your pain. I empathize with that. It seems you are under a difficult situation in life. I can empathize...

How's studying going?

Fine. I will have a short break soon. I am not worried about studies. It will all go fine.
I just feel lost.
I don't regret my choice for a bachelor and I like the circumstances all around. I am actually quite priviliged in the opportunities I had, which means I feel like I should be making better use of them.
The problem is me as well.

I appreciate you checking in on me.

No problem.
Sorry, I took a day to answer you.
Sending virtual hugs.

 

[notreallybored]

ב''ה,

It's not exactly easy to make smart financial decisions in most of the entire universe these days (access to savings, investments that aren't a Madoff or a throw it all into Bitcoin data centers to prop up oil prices, etc) so I ain't going to beat anyone up on that -

If you want something to meditate on look into how every aspect of shopping and commerce and marketing 'hijacks' the 'gathering instinct' to fill a basket / have stuff to have supposed community around.

Then throw on how in most of the world every social transaction is inherently monetized, and to have a social interaction outside of a public library you gotta either be paying or doing the hustle (inside the library you can't talk).

What a world. Just, y'know, are these even edible berries or are they plastic?