Venting My relationships with women are such a fucking mess

[finasteride_end]

I have been discussing my personal life with an AI all day, because like most of you I have no one I can fucking turn to. And the AI is like...yeah you are kind of a mess. You are in love with a woman 13 years younger than you. The woman you tried to move on to and who shot you down the second you got weird about it was 12 years younger than you. You are 35 and having a midlife crisis.

I had no idea how to relate to women even before I got permanent erectile dysfunction. But it's truly too late now. My entire life has been one of loneliness and utterly dysfunctional friendships with women I wanted emotional intimacy from who could never give it to me, who would never want to give it to me.

There's no way back to normality. I will never catch up with my peers career-wise, relationship-wise, or in terms of self-esteem. I actually respect myself less because of my failure to connect with women romantically. I don't even have the excuse of being an incel, I am tall and if anything above average looking. It's my fucking personality. It's all me. It always has been me. And now I am carrying severe emotional trauma from having post-finasteride syndrome, a burden that no one around me will ever understand.

What the fuck was the point of living this long when I haven't changed a bit? I can't escape these stupid patterns with women. I can't stand being alone. I can't date because I am a shitty lay because my dick is soft as cheese. My dick is soft as cheese because I used finasteride because I thought going bald was what was hurting me with women.

FUCK. You couldn't make this shit up. You actually fucking couldn't.

And now I have to go on living.

I have to live for the whole of the rest of my life like this. A life without love, or commitment. I am alone. I have always been alone. Why didn't I ever see it before now? How did it take a fucking AI pointing out that I am having a midlife crisis?

I'm supposed to be getting better after I failed to kill myself back in November. BETTER HOW? What fucking definition of "better" can someone like me ever realistically aspire towards?

 

[carbanak]

Idk if you saw my comment before, try the peptides. Pt-141 and there are many others. Try hypnotherapy as well

 

[Abyss Dweller]

Hey brother, I can relate to a lot of the stuff you wrote sadly. :(
Since you posted this on recovery I'll try to offer some insights that you maybe.. just maybe you find useful.

There's no way back to normality. I will never catch up with my peers career-wise, relationship-wise, or in terms of self-esteem.

This is something a lot of people seem to struggle with. I struggle with as well. But the truth is there's nothing wrong with living our life at our own pace. So what if normies do xyz. They can go fuck themselves. We live in our own way, at our own pace, the way we want or the way we manage to do so. Whatever.

Regarding ED I know its horrible to experience. Have you tried seeking a doctor's input on it? Maybe there are some pills that would do the trick.
But even if there aren't you still have your hands and mouth, you can still experience intimacy.

I truly wish you the best.

 

[finasteride_end]

It's not that there aren't solutions. Shitty solutions. It's what needing those solutions has done to me pychologically. I've been suffering for too long. The damage is accumalating. Something terrible is happening to me and I don't know if I can survive what's being done to me. The friendships I relied on to survive my own misery are unravelling under the pressure I have put them under. I ruined them. I asked too much of these women and they have abandoned me.

I have to learn to become emotionally independent of other people. I just don't know if there is enough of me left to survive when everyone else pulls away.