Venting my only wish

[ganpres37]

my only wish in life is to be happy and free of anxiety. that's all i want. all i ever do, day in, day out, is worry and imagine my own death. i flip flop every few days from wanting to die and wanting to live. i don't want to whine by saying this, but it's horrendous and i wouldn't wish it upon anyone. have i messed up so badly in life that i don't deserve happiness at all? am i truly that garbage of a person? of course i've made numerous mistakes throughout my life, i've lied, i've hurt people, i've done things i shouldn't have done, the list goes on. but was that so much that i no longer deserve to enjoy my life? to the world, i apologize for all my wrongdoings, mistakes, and failures. please forgive me. i'd do anything to just be a normal, average person instead of being frustrated and suicidal all the time. if there is a god, i hope it has mercy on me.

 

[21Neberg]

happy and free of anxiety

God what a dream, I share it too. I'm giving it one last try before I definitively decide to end my life, though I may do it before then. Have you tried therapy in regards to your anxiety yet?

 

[ganpres37]

God what a dream, I share it too. I'm giving it one last try before I definitively decide to end my life, though I may do it before then. Have you tried therapy in regards to your anxiety yet?

tried and failed

 

[21Neberg]

tried and failed

Same for me, though after years of me getting worse again I've decided to get into therapy again. I'm seeing the same psychiatrist again starting february 19th. I don't know what to expect, but I hope it'll help I guess.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Same for me, though after years of me getting worse again I've decided to get into therapy again. I'm seeing the same psychiatrist again starting february 19th. I don't know what to expect, but I hope it'll help I guess.

That sounds like you're taking control of things and I hope it helps you :-)

 

[Othermind]

I don't know what to expect

Don't expect miracles, but if you see yourself getting even the remotest chance of reaching that baseline of not-quite-disfunction that allows most people to go on with their life and take pleasure in its sporadic joys, go for it, brother.

 

[none666]

Same for me, though after years of me getting worse again I've decided to get into therapy again. I'm seeing the same psychiatrist again starting february 19th. I don't know what to expect, but I hope it'll help I guess.

Hopefully the psychiatrist visit works well for you, or at least isn't a pos that invalidates your feelings like some I've heard about

 

[End.of.the.line]

my only wish in life is to be happy and free of anxiety. that's all i want. all i ever do, day in, day out, is worry and imagine my own death. i flip flop every few days from wanting to die and wanting to live. i don't want to whine by saying this, but it's horrendous and i wouldn't wish it upon anyone. have i messed up so badly in life that i don't deserve happiness at all? am i truly that garbage of a person? of course i've made numerous mistakes throughout my life, i've lied, i've hurt people, i've done things i shouldn't have done, the list goes on. but was that so much that i no longer deserve to enjoy my life? to the world, i apologize for all my wrongdoings, mistakes, and failures. please forgive me. i'd do anything to just be a normal, average person instead of being frustrated and suicidal all the time. if there is a god, i hope it has mercy on me.

We are only human. I feel everything you said and I too have a heart heavy with regret. It's gotten to the point where I'm just so tired of it all.