My life is like being in a toxic relationship

[Saturn_]

Continuing to be alive would make me deeply unhappy, yet I keep going anyways. This past week has felt like one month. I've had enough this time and I've lost faith in humanity. I preemptively told my friends that I died just to get it over with and to burn that bridge. I don't expect to be around much longer, but I'm scared. I know that wherever I go when we die, everyone else goes there. I'm still really scared. I wish I didn't have to do this to myself. I wish I didn't make the mistakes I did. I wish I kept living and having hope for the future. But it's too late for any of that now. I don't know what to do.

 

[antithesis]

Sending you all the strength I can. The never-ending dilemma between one bad medicine or the other, deep unhappiness or fear of death. And I feel what you mean with the toxic relationship comparison.

Disclaimer before you read the rest of my message, I am not saying your fear does not have other causes, or that you should ignore the fear you feel.
In a toxic relationship, you stay for comfort/habit, fear of "what's next", also due to a natural instinct to form a community, have friends, a family, reproduce, etc. At least that is how I perceive it, see the peer pressure we are being put on to be in relationships. Regarding living, I feel something similar: an instinct to stay alive, to strive, to go on and such. When I contemplate ctb, I feel a deep fear, not just a conscious one, but a very deep, instinctive fear as well. Do you relate to that maybe?

 

[Saturn_]

In a toxic relationship, you stay for comfort/habit, fear of "what's next", also due to a natural instinct to form a community, have friends, a family, reproduce, etc. At least that is how I perceive it, see the peer pressure we are being put on to be in relationships. Regarding living, I feel something similar: an instinct to stay alive, to strive, to go on and such. When I contemplate ctb, I feel a deep fear, not just a conscious one, but a very deep, instinctive fear as well. Do you relate to that maybe?

I do.