EuclidianMisery
Member
- Jun 16, 2026
- 16
Context,
I'm a 30 year old person whose on the spectrum. Its been well over 6 months since I left a toxic but good paying job and now starting to regret it. The new job barely covers daily needs and now my main mode of transportation is failing on me with no way to afford repairs. In an earlier post of mine, I asked was it valid to kill myself for failed dreams. Well now I think its more than valid as I suddenly found myself in a hell I can't pull myself out of.
Right now, I'm dry firing my gun against the base of my skull and would like to share my pathetic life story. Its not too long, kind of boring and is very generic for my ilk. Well, here it is;
I was born in late 1995 to parents who were nearly 40 in the middle of nowhere Utah. We lived in a paid off house. Lived in the county's biggest town (2k at least) and that should've been a done deal. For whatever reason, my parents decided to vacate the place, get a mortgage and move us into a property in the middle of nowhere. Old neighbors, near a rural road that's at least 50mph and full of dickhead drivers who go too fast. Complete isolation. Nowhere to walk to. Alone in a manufactured house surrounded by dried grass and speeding cars. A terrible place to raise a kid and so that was the home for 23 years of my pathetic life.
School was hell. Won't divulge too much but I got forced into Special Education. Forced to repeat 3rd grade material until graduation. Did something really stupid at age 13 that landed me in the mental hospital. What was stupid thing? Stupid enough that everyone thought I was going to be a school shooter and the kind of shit you pull kids out of schools for good reasons. My parents? Didn't think much of it and my useless mother didn't want to drive my every day to the other school that was less than a 10 minute drive. Stupid useless woman. Anyways, after hospital event, guess what? I did something stupid again and this time it involved the entire sheriff's department surrounding me in the principal's office! And at this rate I was so done with life, I was begging them to kill me and just get it over with! A real mental breakdown! They didn't, had me stay for a short few hours in DT until my Mom picked me up and after that I attempted suicide via overdosing. One single day, a big red fucking flag. I should've been pulled out by the state but nope!
They just want me to suffer cause fuck me!
I attempted suicide again at age 16
Did it again and nearly succeeded at age 17.
Three suicide attempts before I turned 20!
I graduated that hell hole and attempted college. Which I sucked at. Tried trade schools and I sucked at that too.
Worked shit jobs for a time and I hate it so much I attempted college again and this time I didn't sucked! So what happened with that? Well i was supposed to have graduated but then covid happened and out of nowhere my school suddenly dropped a bunch of required classes on my head along with mandatory math that would've taken me at least 1.5 years to catch up on. Mind you, during covid so all the jobs disappeared and no more money! My parents didn't support me at all and so thus I dropped college and moved in with my brother at age 23! Finally free!
Well 7 years later and I'm at the worse point of my life!
I'm a failed writer. Working a job that barely covers rent. My brother hates me cause I had to rehome this stressed out dog that wouldn't stop peeing everywhere and I literally have no friends to rely on. My truck is starting to fail on me, can't afford repairs and I'm alone in my room dry-firing a magnum into my head just for practice sakes!
There! Story done!
Now tell me how pathetic I am! I could use some digital self-harm!
Fuck my life!
I'm a 30 year old person whose on the spectrum. Its been well over 6 months since I left a toxic but good paying job and now starting to regret it. The new job barely covers daily needs and now my main mode of transportation is failing on me with no way to afford repairs. In an earlier post of mine, I asked was it valid to kill myself for failed dreams. Well now I think its more than valid as I suddenly found myself in a hell I can't pull myself out of.
Right now, I'm dry firing my gun against the base of my skull and would like to share my pathetic life story. Its not too long, kind of boring and is very generic for my ilk. Well, here it is;
I was born in late 1995 to parents who were nearly 40 in the middle of nowhere Utah. We lived in a paid off house. Lived in the county's biggest town (2k at least) and that should've been a done deal. For whatever reason, my parents decided to vacate the place, get a mortgage and move us into a property in the middle of nowhere. Old neighbors, near a rural road that's at least 50mph and full of dickhead drivers who go too fast. Complete isolation. Nowhere to walk to. Alone in a manufactured house surrounded by dried grass and speeding cars. A terrible place to raise a kid and so that was the home for 23 years of my pathetic life.
School was hell. Won't divulge too much but I got forced into Special Education. Forced to repeat 3rd grade material until graduation. Did something really stupid at age 13 that landed me in the mental hospital. What was stupid thing? Stupid enough that everyone thought I was going to be a school shooter and the kind of shit you pull kids out of schools for good reasons. My parents? Didn't think much of it and my useless mother didn't want to drive my every day to the other school that was less than a 10 minute drive. Stupid useless woman. Anyways, after hospital event, guess what? I did something stupid again and this time it involved the entire sheriff's department surrounding me in the principal's office! And at this rate I was so done with life, I was begging them to kill me and just get it over with! A real mental breakdown! They didn't, had me stay for a short few hours in DT until my Mom picked me up and after that I attempted suicide via overdosing. One single day, a big red fucking flag. I should've been pulled out by the state but nope!
They just want me to suffer cause fuck me!
I attempted suicide again at age 16
Did it again and nearly succeeded at age 17.
Three suicide attempts before I turned 20!
I graduated that hell hole and attempted college. Which I sucked at. Tried trade schools and I sucked at that too.
Worked shit jobs for a time and I hate it so much I attempted college again and this time I didn't sucked! So what happened with that? Well i was supposed to have graduated but then covid happened and out of nowhere my school suddenly dropped a bunch of required classes on my head along with mandatory math that would've taken me at least 1.5 years to catch up on. Mind you, during covid so all the jobs disappeared and no more money! My parents didn't support me at all and so thus I dropped college and moved in with my brother at age 23! Finally free!
Well 7 years later and I'm at the worse point of my life!
I'm a failed writer. Working a job that barely covers rent. My brother hates me cause I had to rehome this stressed out dog that wouldn't stop peeing everywhere and I literally have no friends to rely on. My truck is starting to fail on me, can't afford repairs and I'm alone in my room dry-firing a magnum into my head just for practice sakes!
There! Story done!
Now tell me how pathetic I am! I could use some digital self-harm!
Fuck my life!
