Venting my irl best friend wants to take a break because of..?

[overmorrow]

I felt nice today, I went out to have a walk, and after many dodges and refuses to hang out(which she understands why, and I'm glad)

she just "drags" me to our usual spot, and keeps trying to make me vent or smt whatever

the juice is this; "I can't be close, or affectionate with someone that is actively trying to kill themselves, over a number on a scale" and "i should recover, not for her, or people around me, but for myself"

she keeps saying I'm wasting away, and I can't be helped if i don't want to be helped bla bla

isn't love and friendship supposed to be on personality, or behavior, and not each other problem's?

for some reason, her words really hurt me, they are true, but i just wish she'd see it from my eyes, what's wrong with me having anorexia? it's not afflicting anyone but me)??

I'm fine, I'm the same as every other year, my personality hasn't changed, why does it feel like she is trying to find an excuse to hate me? or make me get guilty?

I don't even try or initiate hanging out or texts, it's her doing everything, idk, really, this makes me feel so miserable, and binged because of it on 2k kcals, someone shoot me dead please

 

[Sheisgoneee]

This recently happened to me but I was the one doing the cutting and asking for a pause. My best friend loves me too much and she's not living her life enough. Everytime I have an episode and disappear she just gets so worried and keeps trying to reach me. Of course I am thankful for that but your friend is also right about one thing. You cannot be helped if you do not want to and right now I just want to drown in my sadness. Seeing her struggle like that makes me feel like I am such a loser for the speed at which I am getting better. It is not fair to her, nor is it healthy for me. It feels like I am keeping her in a toxic friendship where she constantly has to baby me or make sure I am not hurting myself. I don't want her to keep worrying and I also want to be free to feel my feelings as well. After all, I cannot control it and I have decided to not take any medications so it is my choice and no one else should be a collateral for it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's horrible to be made to feel like we are a burden. Especially if it's them pushing to know the truth of how we are. I suppose alternatively though- our friends will care and worry about us. Maybe she just doesn't feel like she can cope with watching you destroy yourself.

In an ideal world, we should be appreciated for our character. Our decisions should also be respected. Obviously- free will is important.

I think it takes a lot of courage to stay with someone while they (possibly) slowly kill themselves though. Constantly- they are confronted with- what should I do? Intervene or, leave them be?

Plus- they are confronted constantly with the prospect of losing that person. Like a very long, drawn out goodbye. I suppose I can also see that some people know they won't be able to handle that.

Out of curiosity- do you think you could? If you knew someone who had an addiction say, that was gradually killing them- could you stay with them and watch it happen? Would you be able to ignore it?

 

[overmorrow]

It's horrible to be made to feel like we are a burden. Especially if it's them pushing to know the truth of how we are. I suppose alternatively though- our friends will care and worry about us. Maybe she just doesn't feel like she can cope with watching you destroy yourself.

In an ideal world, we should be appreciated for our character. Our decisions should also be respected. Obviously- free will is important.

I think it takes a lot of courage to stay with someone while they (possibly) slowly kill themselves though. Constantly- they are confronted with- what should I do? Intervene or, leave them be?

Plus- they are confronted constantly with the prospect of losing that person. Like a very long, drawn out goodbye. I suppose I can also see that some people know they won't be able to handle that.

Out of curiosity- do you think you could? If you knew someone who had an addiction say, that was gradually killing them- could you stay with them and watch it happen? Would you be able to ignore it?

I think i could, maybe I'll insist a little but I won't start neglecting, if it re happens again, no, I could never leave

 

[gayboy300]

As a suicidal person and a person with a suicidal (ex) best friend, her feelings are completely valid. I know it probably feels shitty but at the same time, she has to protect her mental health as well. It's mentally taxing to provide reassurance and be somebody's rock when you don't even know if that person will be alive in a year.

The way I see it, continuing to be friends with someone who is actively suicidal and/or doing things to harm themself/lead to their death is playing russian roulette with grief. A lot of people, rightfully so, would rather not and just distance themselves before things get too bad to avoid that intense grief.

I'm sorry this happened to you, but your friend isn't being unreasonable.