Venting My friend’s body was found today

[l1ablemistakes]

Some of you may have seen my post about a fellow sasu member who CTB yesterday, that was my friend V. I was talking to her while she set everything up, she'd been talking it up for weeks, I tried to talk her down but her mind was made up. I asked her just to try one more day, but she was ready. She asked if I could talk to her in her last moments so she wasn't alone. So I did. I said goodbye and that I would miss her. She said the same to me, and that she hopes we meet again wherever we go after here. She asked if I could convey the message to an online friend of hers- she gave me their discord. She disappeared after she said the noose was tight.

This morning I messaged this online friend, breaking the news. Turns out this friend lived 5 minutes away and had a key to her house. I begged her not to go inside, but she thought it was a cruel joke.

She went in and found V's body, hanging, where it had been for over 12 hours. I feel so fucking guilty. I had no idea this was one of V's close personal friends. The way she described V's body is so gruesome, I don't think I should repeat it here, but her hand was stuck in the knot- was she trying to free herself?? Did she regret it? I just hate imagining my poor beautiful friend like that. The police were called and I chatted to her for a bit and I tried to help calm her or help her process, but I haven't heard from her since this morning when she said she needed time to think.

I know I couldn't have known, but if I'd contacted the friend earlier, maybe I could have saved her. Maybe if I'd said the right thing she would've changed her mind. I know it's stupid to have all these regrets and what if's when I was panicking and working off incomplete information, and I know my entire focus was just on making sure my friend didnt feel alone in that moment, but fuck. What if things could have been different?

 

[peacebenow]

It is part of the grieving process to start running through your mind if things could have been different and to feel guilt. however, you have no way of knowing. you did what seemed the most essential during that time for your friend by being there for her and you can feel good about that. again, I am sorry for your loss.

 

[SASU-KE]

It's just not our place to try and save anyone. She didn't come to this destination easily,it's been a very hard road. It's taken a long time for her to reach this state. Don't beat yourself up about it. I feel really bad for that friend who discovered her. That's some serious trauma. She's going to have to live with it.


Vera is in peace now. Don't feel bad for her, it was her choice.

Talk to the other friend. Help her come to terms with it. There's nothing you could have done. And there's also the question if you should have tried. You should not try to convince anyone of anything. All you can do is ask them if they are sure about it and leave it at that.

I hope you're all right, OP.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this but you did everything right. You respected her choice.

May she rest in peace

 

[lpdsvm]

I'm so sorry that it happened.
You managed it as you could and it's very considerate.
It must be painful to watch it and I can't imagine enough because I never had to go through it

I realize that even people that I knew my family members CTBed. They didn't care about a method just drank anything random. Vinegar for example. Household and kitchen stuff. - must be painful and long I think. I didn't ask about any details because I didn't think about it back then.

Here I can say that this thing is really more common than the average person can think. I never talk about it but I can assume now that there are people I met or still know closely that are planning it as well.

 

[l1ablemistakes]

Talk to the other friend. Help her come to terms with it. There's nothing you could have done. And there's also the question if you should have tried. You should not try to convince anyone of anything. All you can do is ask them if they are sure about it and leave it at that.

I want to - I've messaged saying I hope shes okay and I'm so sorry again, but so far she hasn't responded. If I'm shaken up I can't imagine how she must be feeling.
And thanks for your reassurance. Part of me knew I couldn't change her mind no matter how hard I tried, because I had tried for months and told her I think she is a lovely person who deserves life. I'm glad she wasn't alone in those moments but I also feel so horrible for her friend who was left without a goodbye. She didn't leave any notes. I'm the only person she said goodbye to.

 

[volo]

You really did the best you could. You can not change anyone's mind once they're set to do it, or not…

 

[toocraptoolong]

I'm sorry for your loss. I know it's really hard to ignore all the 'but what if ..' thoughts, but try not to give them any time - they can drive you crazy.
You did what you could. Take care

 

[moon2bright]

With all due respect, she did what she needed to do. It wasn't your place to save her.