My existence is so unfair

[bl33ding_heart]

I was brought into this world by two selfish idiots that had no idea how to raise a kid properly. And because of that I was doomed with developing bpd and having a life a million times more difficult than someone without it. It's so unfair that I have to suffer so much and live in this pointless existence where there is no hope for me all because two people decided I should exist. When in reality I shouldn't, and I should of never been born to begin with. There is no hope for someone like me in this world. I will never be able to function like a normal person and have the happiness and peace that people without bpd have. All of the things that are giving me "reasons to live" are mere coping mechanisms and they will only be able to please me temporary. I hate the idea of having an existence that revolves around coping with the deep rooted hollowness in my heart. It feels so horrible that sometimes I even try to make myself split or emotionally hurt myself intentionally cus I just physically can't cope with the feeling of feeling like nothing. It feels like I'm an empty non existent being possessing this vessel called a body. I feel like the physical epitome of a black hole and it's one of the worst feelings anyone could have. And when I'm not feeling so horrendously empty I'm being overwhelmed by all of my intense emotions and physically can't deal with them. I just wish god could be kind enough to give me the strength to give up.

 

[Persona3]

I'm very sorry you're going through that. Parents can mess up a lot and not everyone is meant to be a parent. I don't know much about bpd , so I don't want to say anything wrong, but the way you express yourself fits perfectly with your pfp!! it's just something I happened to notice

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I'm very sorry you're going through that. Parents can mess up a lot and not everyone is meant to be a parent. I don't know much about bpd , so I don't want to say anything wrong, but the way you express yourself fits perfectly with your pfp!! it's just something I happened to notice

My pfp is perona from one piece lol

 

[Persona3]

Haha yeah, I know her!

 

[Feldsparc]

I have bpd too.. undiagnosed and untreated because I was completely normal all these years until a romantic attachment brought out all my trauma. It didn't help that it was an affair with my own husband's nephew. I age regressed and fell in love with him and we developed a bpd favourite person relationship that I could not detach from. Now my life is hell...going through divorce, messed up my son, im smoking myself to death and lost my respect, job confidence, self worth.. everything because of this. I basically ruined my own life

 

[Kanau_Nano]

Bpd really is a curse so is a messed up childhood. I wish i knew something to make you feel better. I feel the same. Some people do recover, but it seems like so many are doomed. I really appreciate seeing your kindness here, I will be very sad if I see you go.

 

[morina]

I don't have BPD (I think at least. Never got tested.), but yeah, parents being two people who were completely unable to raise a child is very relatable. My mother already had a child before and basically my aunt and grandma did all the raising while she did idk what, so he is a normal adult now and not completely fucked up. But apparently doing another experiment of raising a child was somehow acceptable to her, so I happened.

Hope we all can some day find the courage to ctb (or the even more unlikely scenario of being cured happens).