Kadaver
Maybe death is like falling asleep
- Aug 11, 2023
- 171
My dysphoria has reached a point where I can't leave my own house. Every chance I've had to get out of the house I've not taken because I just can't stand the idea of being perceived as I am. There was an expo a town across from me that I was supposed to go to with my sister but then I backed out. There's going to be a ren fair soon and I want to go so badly but every time I think about people looking at me I want to cry.
I was trying to look for outfit inspo and I got dysphoric because I knew I wouldnt look like how the people in the pictures look— I'll look like a pretender. It's getting to the point where I'm starting to think about buying more SN and trying again, but I know if I do I can't screw up this time and end up in another mental facility. I'm scared that if I get caught again that they'll keep me way longer than the two weeks that they kept me for the last time. I'm also scared of how my family will react if I fail again. I feel like I'm trapped in a nightmare that I can't wake up from.
I was trying to look for outfit inspo and I got dysphoric because I knew I wouldnt look like how the people in the pictures look— I'll look like a pretender. It's getting to the point where I'm starting to think about buying more SN and trying again, but I know if I do I can't screw up this time and end up in another mental facility. I'm scared that if I get caught again that they'll keep me way longer than the two weeks that they kept me for the last time. I'm also scared of how my family will react if I fail again. I feel like I'm trapped in a nightmare that I can't wake up from.
