Discussion My Diary until I CTB - Part 6: Curiosity + Life update

[purebliss]

Part 1 - Life Story | Onion Link
Part 2 - Planning | Onion Link
Part 3 - Closure + DSL | Onion Link
Part 4 - Cover Blown | Onion Link <- Emotionally charged article. No longer reflects my current opinions and was written under massive sadness
Part 4:Amendment - Missing them | Onion Link <- Emotionally charged article. No longer reflects my current opinions and was written under massive sadness
Part 5 - Hypothesis | Onion Link

Now that my brain ultimately did a slip up and completely demolished my survival instinct I am actually more curious now whats happening on the other side.

For me it is pretty clear now that my life is ultimately at it's end.
I won't exit this or the next week but I no longer fear death at all.
I am even somewhat capable of coping with the thought of some of the pain during the process.

Spoiler: Friends in the same boat!

If I decide to go I will no longer have to go alone :D
I got two people, that I found here, that would love to go with me. I have met them once, we played at my place on my touch table, watched some movies on my home cinema setup and just vibed while smoking some weed.

Lovely people and I am so very glad SaSu brought me together with them.
We decided to no longer meet until the day comes for the three of us ^^

We also decided to record the entire process so that future SN users know how it will feel like and what to expect.

Spoiler: First talks with my old friends again

I repaired the GPU fans for a friend of mine and two other friends including Matt came along later as well. It was a bit awkward at first but I realized that she was genuinely sorry for calling the cops on me. They did not expect them to come back at the night to collect me, either.
She also somewhat accepted my wish to no longer be here any more but also clearly stated that if she knew that I was about to "go" that she would probably do it again.

I admire her honesty and therefore I will not update anyone at all of any further actions I might take just like before.
I just promised them that nothing will happen this week in any way and I always keep my promises.
It's the last thing a man has: His word.

They want to go to a vegan convention on sunday. Considering that Matt and Katharina are there together I doubt that my jealousy will be able to deal with that very well so I won't go.
I know that much already that I will not have an all too good time.

But look what I instead did:

Spoiler: Maybe my last date?

Got myself Bumble now for the first time in years.

Well, not to brag, but my looks did me quite a favor again. Got quite a bit of likes.
Most of the convo's didn't really lead somewhere, especially considering my sub/maso nature and my general "no more effort" mentality as I am already "dead" in my mind.

But! One actually became quite attached to my sub nature and seemed to have taken a liking to me:D
Wish me luck guys as the date is today @_@!
I wonder where this one goes.

I won't lie: Something in the farthest area of my brain still wishes for someone, anyone to pull me from the street and keep me as their pet, fully erasing the need for me to physically die anymore.
I am completely aware that this is nothing more than a boyish dream tho xD

Well now to the title of this post and why it is a discussion.
Now that my SI is completely out of effect I am so insanely curious of what will await me on the other side.
I doubt that it can get much worse than what I currently am going through with the constant control war of my brain against me.

I had everything in my head now:
- Quantum immortality
- Repeating specific sections of my life
- Rebirth
- A total state of non-existence (best case scenario in my head)
- Rebirth as you. That would probably be the worst thing to happen. Imagine you are bound to repeat your entire life over and over again. I never want to go through this again please...
- Being able to choose a section to go back to with your memory in tact. Personal dream of mine: If I can go back to August 2017 again where I met Diana with my current memories. I will do it in a blink of an eye. This time I won't just let my brain eat me apart as I know what is happening to me and can fight. I will do therapy, I will do whatever possible to escape this fate of mine.

The most unlikely thing for me is anything human made. Any type of descriptions you find in scriptures written by humans seem extremely unlikely to me.
That includes the biblical hell, the sin purging fire, the biblical heaven or whatever else.

What do you guys think?
What awaits you on the other side?

 

[Kayla]

We also decided to record the entire process so that future SN users know how it will feel like and what to expect.

Literally do not need this. Sasu already has a bad name; this is gonna make it even worse. There are already videos about it; we don't need more. You think you're helping others, but it's just gonna make everything worse than it already is.

 

[purebliss]

Literally do not need this. Sasu already has a bad name; this is gonna make it even worse. There are already videos about it; we don't need more. You think you're helping others, but it's just gonna make everything worse than it already is.

The videos that are already out there are pretty... bad though
None of them are really "scientific" and there are a lot of asian people that just straight up took the SN raw. Therefore not really showing what it properly looks like, scaring people away from the method.

I only found one single video of someone who actually made a flowchart and planned a bit instead of just torpedoing it all down.

Also we are all three very different body types which helps as well.

Still good point.
There will be less than credible jrnalists again that somehow twist the story in some way or another...

 

[ilovenewyork]

You may find the meto and benzos don't help as much as some on the forum suggest. Are you willing to accept an experience like those asian students in the videos? Once you take SN there's no realistic way back even with medical intervention. Especially 25g.

 

[purebliss]

You may find the meto and benzos don't help as much as some on the forum suggest. Are you willing to accept an experience like those asian students in the videos? Once you take SN there's no realistic way back even with medical intervention. Especially 25g.

That one video of the person I saw that had a peaceful death via SN was good enough for me. I will try to follow most of his regimen.
Also these people did it without meto, without anything and just did it based on an impulse.

As also mentioned before: I am ready to accept a bit of pain. I am fully and completely over the tipping point.

I have researched this method enough now and I don't need a "way back".

And if our death is more painful then imagined then people after us will at least know

 

[ilovenewyork]

"a bit of pain" seems optimistic for death. even of it looks peaceful you don't know what they're going through inside.

 

[Dante_]

None of them are really "scientific" and there are a lot of asian people that just straight up took the SN raw. Therefore not really showing what it properly looks like, scaring people away from the method.

Also these people did it without meto, without anything and just did it based on an impulse.

And having meto or benzos does not outright mean the experience won't be that much different as there are documented threads where people didn't have Meto or had painkillers only or neither, quite a few may i add of that variety, there is not comparative data to suggest that benzos, let alone having meto effectively makes it peaceful to demonstrate the advantage of having them over not having them.

As far as having a video, my concern is in two parts...

1. The kind of attention it'll get which will ultimately lead back to the site as much you say the video is for scientific purposes to document what sn is like when done right but, we already know, plenty in fact, from numerous threads on here that show this down to those who've survived being asked the same questions so do we really need anymore to prove anything we don't know?

Still good point.
There will be less than credible jrnalists again that somehow twist the story in some way or another...

2. Thats my other problem, let alone the kind of people it'll attract to the site after its viewed so considering the potential problems it could cause as opposed the knowledge it'll impart on those here who im sure, already have many threads to find answers because you can only search about one thing so much, see the videos and so forth, comment and discuss them as has been done plenty of times, at some point, it just adds to nothing but may cause more harm than any good thats worth the risk.

 

[purebliss]

And having meto or benzos does not outright mean the experience won't be that much different as there are documented threads where people didn't have Meto or had painkillers only or neither, quite a few may i add of that variety, there is not comparative data to suggest that benzos, let alone having meto effectively makes it peaceful to demonstrate the advantage of having them over not having them.

As far as having a video, my concern is in two parts...

1. The kind of attention it'll get which will ultimately lead back to the site as much you say the video is for scientific purposes to document what sn is like when done right but, we already know, plenty in fact, from numerous threads on here that show this down to those who've survived being asked the same questions so do we really need anymore to prove anything we don't know?

2. Thats my other problem, let alone the kind of people it'll attract to the site after its viewed so considering the potential problems it could cause as opposed the knowledge it'll impart on those here who im sure, already have many threads to find answers because you can only search about one thing so much, see the videos and so forth, comment and discuss them as has been done plenty of times, at some point, it just adds to nothing but may cause more harm than any good thats worth the risk.

Fair enough.
If the mods themselves don't wish for it then so be it.
There won't be a video then ^^