my delusions

[atlanticus0_0]

Ever since I was young, I would see these vivid visual hallucinations like tv playing in front of my eyes. And starting from this year, I started to have delusions that after I die, I'm going to get tortured for all of eternity, unless I stay up for a night. I keep attempting it and I keep failing it because I have no self-control. Which is why I want to die. I'm so lonely, I've always been in so much pain, living in this place with all the people who have done worse things than I have. I don't deserve this at all. I'm looking for a partner to commit suicide with but I need to like post a few posts before I can message people which is why I'm sending this vent. Anyways feel free to ask if you're curious and have any questions. Thank you.