My biggest fear is not committing suicide.

[NocturnalDistortion]

There was a time where I wasn't afraid of death. However I am now afraid of death, but I know that if future me came to tell present me that I didn't commit suicide I would be devastated. I feel stuck. I am scared and eager.

Can anyone relate to this?

 

[Dawnfang11]

All too well

 

[DeathByBananabread]

Unless the current world happenings make an almost complete 180° turn this is my biggest fear too.

 

[YourLocalSadGirly]

I feel this exactly. I'm not necessarily afraid of death, but I am afraid of not being able to die on my own terms. The thought of being able to control when, where, and how I die is comforting to me. Ironically it makes living easier. I'm constantly worried that I'll die in an accident or contract some terminal disease that leaves me bedridden and unable to ctb properly.

 

[Siamese Believe]

Same tbh, which is why I have to try all the more hard to not let that happen.

 

[BillyBob]

Feel the same way. Something funny is I have been asked my mental health staff and my current case worker for me and they ask me this a few times before "If you could wish for anything what would it be?" I tell them I wish I was never born or didn't fail to die when I attempted.
Lets just say that turns heads fast and the room goes quiet.

 

[Realog11]

I feel this exactly. I'm not necessarily afraid of death, but I am afraid of not being able to die on my own terms. The thought of being able to control when, where, and how I die is comforting to me. Ironically it makes living easier. I'm constantly worried that I'll die in an accident or contract some terminal disease that leaves me bedridden and unable to ctb properly.

Same

 

[Gabbi_Station]

I feel this exactly. I'm not necessarily afraid of death, but I am afraid of not being able to die on my own terms. The thought of being able to control when, where, and how I die is comforting to me. Ironically it makes living easier. I'm constantly worried that I'll die in an accident or contract some terminal disease that leaves me bedridden and unable to ctb properly.

Fully agree.

I regret my last failed attempts but I also can't get past the fear of being in pain. I want to control my fate but I also always fail in my attempts out of fear. Like others have said, there was a time where I wanted to die and had no fear but I don't know how to get back to that state.

 

[heydude56]

There was a time where I wasn't afraid of death. However I am now afraid of death, but I know that if future me came to tell present me that I didn't commit suicide I would be devastated. I feel stuck. I am scared and eager.

Can anyone relate to this?

Totally agree

 

[softlysavage79]

I am ALMOST equally afraid of dying as I am living, which creates a bit of a problem. However, living is absolutely unbearable in every single way. My date to ctb is rapidly approaching and it is creating all of the feels, it's completely surreal at the moment.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, definitely. I dread to think how my future will turn out if I can't save myself from this.