Midterms causing increasing suicidal ideation

[ThatStateOfMind]

I feel like it's been forever since I've posted. I took some time away from the site largely, aside from occasional visits and comments. Not because I was happy, but because I just have felt down and didn't have the energy to visit and post.

I know this is probably such a first world problem to have, but college in general, midterms specifically (as of recent) have caused an increase in thoughts of self harm and suicidal ideation. I think I'm totally going to flunk one midterm. I am shitty in the class and haven't done as well as I could, had I paid more attention. I think if I flunk the midterm, that there's also a good chance I'll flunk the class. That'll lead to a snowball effect. I will have to delay my graduation, my gpa will drop, if that drops below a 3, I lose a large portion of financial aid. Less financial aid means possibly can't afford college, and that means dropping out. I'm spiraling tbh.


Idk. If I could have the courage, I would probably just do it right now. My affairs are far from in order, my gf would be lost without me, I haven't written any notes for my loved ones. If I do it, I need to plan first. I just hate feeling this way, trapped, stressed, like I possibly have wasted this much time if I actually do fail and lose financial aid.

I just needed to get this off of my chest. I'll have to study a shit ton tomorrow. I also have work and classes. So much to juggle and the midterm is Tuesday, so I feel extremely cooked. I feel there's not enough I can do tonight + tomorrow to prepare.

 

[otoyikim]

Yeah.

I used to be great, had a 3,31 GPA and now it has fallen to 2,76.

If i could i'd try to get a medical leave.

While i did end up, somehow, finishing the midterms, i remember flunking a third of them because i confused the time when they began.

This year has been traumatising for me on a truly extraordinary scale.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Hang in there. Panic and catastrophizing won't accomplish anything. You just need to pass, not to ace the test. I know there are a lot of computer science students/graduates here that I know you're familiar with so if there is an area you need particular help and no one IRL is available maybe you could ask them for some help.

 

[azo]

I'd just been wondering how you were doing. I'm sorry to hear it's not great. As someone who does their fair share of last-minute work/studying, at this point I think the most important thing is not letting the stress paralyse you. If one thing's certain it's that that won't help. You need to be in damage control mode and that means focusing on the present and what you can do right now (because there is still time) instead of expending energy on what might happen in the future—actively suppressing or pausing those fears for now.