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deadtrace

deadtrace

Member
Aug 7, 2023
81
Has anyone else had this sort of thing?

I won't go into details about the issue, but from my previous posts you can see I already have a lot of severe ideation. Now I'm noticing some things that are frankly terrifying. I can't get seen anywhere urgently and can't stop focusing on in and thinking about it. I want to die even more than I already did.

I already hated life but now I'm fucking terrified. I haven't been this scared about something before I don't think. I can't cope with it and I don't know what to do. Right now I'm just laying in bed and it's all I can think about but I can't attempt or anything because family will hear me.

Has anyone else had thoughts like this or been pushed to the edge by medical issues before?

I am fucking mortified by any medical issues even slight so I guess that's why it's effecting me so bad but this is really bad and there's nothing I can do....

I'm not asking for diagnosis or advice, hence why I'm not giving details. Just, comfort I guess.

Just more evidence that I shouldn't be here I suppose.
 
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Reactions: Praestat_Mori, Lifeaffirmingchoice, MatrixPrisoner and 5 others
Raindancer

Raindancer

Specialist
Nov 4, 2023
337
Yes, I can completely relate. I've had a ton of health issues and used to deal quite well with them. Now, no matter how small, I just can't deal with it anymore. Actually going through that tonight. I was completely fine, having some pretty decent days. Out of the blue I get hit and I just want it to be over. I am so exhausted from mentally pulling myself up time and time again in order to function. I honestly do not want to do this anymore.
 
MatrixPrisoner

MatrixPrisoner

Enlightened
Jul 8, 2023
1,834
It is terrifying because it is out of your control and if not terminal, likely something that will be with you for the rest of your life.
I know I should count my blessing more for the fact that I have decent health. I often fantasize about becoming afflicted with something that will end me. But deep down inside I know i wouldn't be able to hande the anxiety and pain. Not being able to overcome SI and also being afflicted with physical medical conditions has to the worst. I hope you can be cured.
 
L

Lifeaffirmingchoice

deserved so much better
Mar 22, 2024
327
Has anyone else had this sort of thing?

I won't go into details about the issue, but from my previous posts you can see I already have a lot of severe ideation. Now I'm noticing some things that are frankly terrifying. I can't get seen anywhere urgently and can't stop focusing on in and thinking about it. I want to die even more than I already did.

I already hated life but now I'm fucking terrified. I haven't been this scared about something before I don't think. I can't cope with it and I don't know what to do. Right now I'm just laying in bed and it's all I can think about but I can't attempt or anything because family will hear me.

Has anyone else had thoughts like this or been pushed to the edge by medical issues before?

I am fucking mortified by any medical issues even slight so I guess that's why it's effecting me so bad but this is really bad and there's nothing I can do....

I'm not asking for diagnosis or advice, hence why I'm not giving details. Just, comfort I guess.

Just more evidence that I shouldn't be here I suppose.
Yes, it's hellish. The uncertainty, the helplessness. It's the main reason I want to cbt.
 

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