turbomightbegone
🎣
- Nov 13, 2023
- 194
im getting worse
i barely even leave my bed anymore, it's almost like im fusing with the mattress and becoming one with it
it's so quiet here, way too quiet. I don't know what I hate more, my family trying to control me or being completely alone without anything to distract me
i don't have any strength to even try pulling myself out of this miserable fucking situation. I only leave my bed to go eat and use the toilet, I can't remember the last time I've managed to keep anything down without feeling nausea
stupid little me, grazing little stars into my flesh with my cheap knockoff boxcutter as I squeeze at my saggy stomach and stare off into the distance
silly little me, always having to be yelled at by a selfobsessed family that only values my fleeting childhood dream of drawing stupid little things and making them move in a children's animation program
it's so funny that i don't know what i am anymore, hell I'm not even allowed to get a diagnosis thanks to my mother
I don't like people, why do people never leave me alone? they all want to make me miserable and sick and have me vomit at their stupid little feet
they all want to string me up as a little puppet and have me throw away my life and soul for their entertainment
poking and caressing my bruised little body, just like back in my primary school's bathrooms where the girl twice my size would run a hand through my cute little body and dig into it with the nails her sister customised for her
I cannot escape from my own thoughts, they crawl around my bed and go into my ears and remind me of horrible things
I can almost see the files hovering above me as I continue to decompose in this bed
all dirt and grime, I can't remember the last time I ran a comb through my hair, the only thing I cut is my own skin
I cant stand living like this but I cant stand dying either, I'm miserable in either of them. it's a loselose
I just want to go, i want to stop living like this, I want to stop laying in my own grime and sweat
I want it all to stop, why cant it stop
why am i such a lazy fucking coward
why am i a bedrotter
i barely even leave my bed anymore, it's almost like im fusing with the mattress and becoming one with it
it's so quiet here, way too quiet. I don't know what I hate more, my family trying to control me or being completely alone without anything to distract me
i don't have any strength to even try pulling myself out of this miserable fucking situation. I only leave my bed to go eat and use the toilet, I can't remember the last time I've managed to keep anything down without feeling nausea
stupid little me, grazing little stars into my flesh with my cheap knockoff boxcutter as I squeeze at my saggy stomach and stare off into the distance
silly little me, always having to be yelled at by a selfobsessed family that only values my fleeting childhood dream of drawing stupid little things and making them move in a children's animation program
it's so funny that i don't know what i am anymore, hell I'm not even allowed to get a diagnosis thanks to my mother
I don't like people, why do people never leave me alone? they all want to make me miserable and sick and have me vomit at their stupid little feet
they all want to string me up as a little puppet and have me throw away my life and soul for their entertainment
poking and caressing my bruised little body, just like back in my primary school's bathrooms where the girl twice my size would run a hand through my cute little body and dig into it with the nails her sister customised for her
I cannot escape from my own thoughts, they crawl around my bed and go into my ears and remind me of horrible things
I can almost see the files hovering above me as I continue to decompose in this bed
all dirt and grime, I can't remember the last time I ran a comb through my hair, the only thing I cut is my own skin
I cant stand living like this but I cant stand dying either, I'm miserable in either of them. it's a loselose
I just want to go, i want to stop living like this, I want to stop laying in my own grime and sweat
I want it all to stop, why cant it stop
why am i such a lazy fucking coward
why am i a bedrotter
