Venting Mama refused to help me with appointment

[KnightOfSwords]

After a year of struggling with suicidal thoughts and depression I finally agreed to rest at a (supposedly) good psych ward. Only to find out I have to do everything myself. Make an appointment with local psychiatrist, gather a list of required documents and so on. Mom said I have to do it myself and manage it without her. Well, I recon, I didn't need hospitalisation if I could do it myself. It was already embarrassing enough to agree to spend time at a place like this and now I'm expected to make hella effort to get in.
Ok, I can do it, I'm not this helpless. But it's impossible. I searched their site and it's so confusing and contradictory to the point of despair. "What do I do to get in? Who knows... We won't tell you."
My friend agreed to help me with this but it was fruitless. She said it's like they don't want no one to make an appointment with them.
This situation infuriates me. Maybe I'm not that loved. Maybe I'm not that needed. Maybe I thought my mom loved me more than she actually does. Maybe she won't be that heartbroken if I'm gone.
I don't know, guys. I didn't expect this from her. She knows I'm independent and capable but it's clear we're near the life and death situation here, why doesn't she want to help me...

 

[timf]

Sometimes parents raise their children with love by which they take to mean giving their children what they need and protecting them from the world. Many children so raised become deficient in the skills they need to navigate the world. It may be only when the children are older that they discover that such "love: has actually harmed their children who need the skills that come from difficulty encountering the world.

I don't know if this is your situation or not. It may simply be that the Byzantine complexity of health care institutions baffled your mother and she retreated from dealing with it. Many people rely on the staff (nurses, secretaries, etc.) of the referring psychiatrist to help them navigate the bureaucratic maze that such institutions can present.

 

[BrokenByTheSystem]

But does she knows how to do it?

Maybe she's not exactly refusing to help you, but it's telling you that she can't know better than you about your issues, so she's telling you, you should go after such documents by yourself because her help won't be of much use as well.

 

[Macedonian1987]

After a year of struggling with suicidal thoughts and depression I finally agreed to rest at a (supposedly) good psych ward. Only to find out I have to do everything myself. Make an appointment with local psychiatrist, gather a list of required documents and so on. Mom said I have to do it myself and manage it without her. Well, I recon, I didn't need hospitalisation if I could do it myself. It was already embarrassing enough to agree to spend time at a place like this and now I'm expected to make hella effort to get in.
Ok, I can do it, I'm not this helpless. But it's impossible. I searched their site and it's so confusing and contradictory to the point of despair. "What do I do to get in? Who knows... We won't tell you."
My friend agreed to help me with this but it was fruitless. She said it's like they don't want no one to make an appointment with them.
This situation infuriates me. Maybe I'm not that loved. Maybe I'm not that needed. Maybe I thought my mom loved me more than she actually does. Maybe she won't be that heartbroken if I'm gone.
I don't know, guys. I didn't expect this from her. She knows I'm independent and capable but it's clear we're near the life and death situation here, why doesn't she want to help me...

I am so incredibly sorry you're going through this. First, I want to acknowledge the massive, mountain moving amount of courage it took for you to say "yes" to professional help. After a year of fighting your own mind, that "yes" is a victory in itself and it is deeply unfair that the reward for your bravery is a bureaucratic labyrinth.
It makes complete sense that you feel abandoned. When you're at your lowest, you don't just need a "supposedly good" hospital, you need to feel like you're being carried when you can't walk. To have your mom step back right now feels like she's dropping your hand when the path is the darkest.

I don't know you, but I want to tell you this as a friend - The difficulty of this process is not a sign from the universe that you aren't "meant" to get better. It's just a sign that the healthcare system is often a mess. In my country Macedonia the healthcare system it's even worse, much worse.

BTW whenever I see that big-snouted dog on your avatar, no matter how low I feel, it always manages to bring a smile to my face.