Venting lying and lying

[followingfate]

Truthfully I'm feeling a bit better, which is nice since I'd prefer to go in a clearer state of mind if I'm going to. Still on the fence, mainly because of fear. I don't want to be found, and I'm nervous about what the afterlife entails.
anyway, I'm still so tired. my s/o insists and insists on seeing my posts on here, even though I'm not comfortable with it. my fault for giving in too easily.
if I decide on living longer, there's a lot of lying I'll have to do. I may cancel a therapy appointment; they don't help anyways, I've been lying to my therapist for months.
I'll have to lie to my guidance counselor. I told them I wanted to move out of my house asap, because I wanted to review my options for the last bit of school, but of course they had to overly concern themself with me. just be like every other counselor please, and leave me alone.
will have to deal with the same family issues every single day. the mind-numbingly boring process of laying in bed every single day.
I may still be moving mid January. but to be honest, I'm worried about our relationship. but I can't be stuck at home.
so I feel trapped. I just want to ctb. I am so tired of this life.