EternalHunger
Biomisian
- Sep 3, 2025
- 31
Can't sleep at all, and I'm not sure how I feel right now as my head is constantly just... Elsewhere. All I know is that I'm just incredibly lonely, and talking to people who superficially like the surface of me won't help my mood in any way. I think about it a lot, and I think I've only ever had one person I've genuinely considered to have been close to me in my whole life, only one where I felt the 'love' or whatever it was genuinely reaching me, yet I was the one who messed that up; I hardly care about anyone else outside of that one person as they were the only one that genuinely saw through me for who I really was. Only one where I genuinely felt real, when I spent so much of my life so so far away from the rest of the world
Now I just feel lost, so incredibly lost; one friendship overruled any future romantic or platonic 'relationship' I had, burnt crisp into my psyche and I just freak out when I think of the prospect that I'll never have such an emotional connection again. That'll I'm forced back into feeling as though I lost absolute sense of reality and only briefly exist for a moment, to struggling to feel any and all emotion; in a sense that I feel a bit out of control, like my body is clearly experiencing some feeling that I don't personally feel at all. Being with them made me feel so so alive, I hate myself so much for breaking off from them but it's best someone like them stays away from a guy like me; I'm just a cruel sick monster that is stuck in my childhood and a bad person that ruined even my own mother's life just by being born, I constantly hurt and hurt others if I went on long enough it would've happened with him as well, I just hope he's still safe with his brothers and family.
I feel sick.
Now I just feel lost, so incredibly lost; one friendship overruled any future romantic or platonic 'relationship' I had, burnt crisp into my psyche and I just freak out when I think of the prospect that I'll never have such an emotional connection again. That'll I'm forced back into feeling as though I lost absolute sense of reality and only briefly exist for a moment, to struggling to feel any and all emotion; in a sense that I feel a bit out of control, like my body is clearly experiencing some feeling that I don't personally feel at all. Being with them made me feel so so alive, I hate myself so much for breaking off from them but it's best someone like them stays away from a guy like me; I'm just a cruel sick monster that is stuck in my childhood and a bad person that ruined even my own mother's life just by being born, I constantly hurt and hurt others if I went on long enough it would've happened with him as well, I just hope he's still safe with his brothers and family.
I feel sick.
