Venting Loneliness Communal Venting Thread

[EmptyBottle]

Funny that I come across this when the loneliness kicks in. I feel old but I know I'm young yet it doesn't feel that way, I feel a lot older than I am. 19 and I'm still alone, wasted my best years doing a bunch of nothing. Let anxiety rule my youth, let myself become a truant because I hated when people looked at me. I hate feeling their eyes on me. Two years ago I thought this loneliness was a lack of love-type of relationship but honestly I don't know. I don't care too much for falling in love with someone and seeing where it leads. Love is something I view to be dangerous, there are a lot of times where I wish I could experience that love again.

Mmm, yep, not having regular in person contacts does feel isolating sometimes.
I also see the risks in love, and have no idea whether the effort (for me) would be worth the result or not.

The love I held for family and friends is something I wish to feel again. i just wish I didn't feel so isolated from them but I know if I tell them how I feel they wouldn't really get it, they have people to call friends, they have support networks. I don't got friends anymore besides my online ones who I play games with. I don't got any real support, I can barely support myself. I'm aware of how contradictory I can be, I hated people looking at me yet I was willing to let them have their way with me just to feel noticed by somebody.

I also spend more time with online friends than in person friends,

There's one fling that's stuck in my head on occasions, he was gentle most times and he often held me close after we were done. It confused me so much...yet I liked that warmth. Nothing ever came from it but it's just a memory that confuses me. Sorry for the long shtick. I'm just tired and want to chat I suppose? I barely speak with my sister's or mom anymore, my mom's even told my sister that I don't got much of a presence even when I'm out there interacting with them. Probably wasn't for my ears but it's kind of comforting. I'd rather know how my mom views me than left thinking she cares about me like how she cares for the others. I should sleep... I hope y'all all get some good rest, I should get mine too.

...and have memories of some friends in the past, would be nice to reconnect to whoever is willing to connect.

Good night, and dw, the message wasn't too long.

 

[frayed]

Whenever I remember how lonely I am, I get a strange feeling. I get very cold and feel completely disconnected from the world. It's a very sad feeling, and no one should have to go through such a terrible thing.

I thought it was just me

 

[Dejected 55]

I am lonely at all times. Sometimes it is almost bearable, most of the time it is not. I'm never not lonely. There are times when I would be fine being alone, everyone needs some amount of alone time for their own sanity and identity... but because I am alone all the time, and never by choice, it makes the times when I could be okay being alone also unbearable because they are not times of my choosing to self-reflect, but imposed alone time because I have no choice in the matter when to take those solitude moments for what they should be.

I have no one to share things with... when an almost good thing happens or I think I have a good idea about something... that impulse to reach out and share with someone close to me, it falls to the ground sadly because I have no one... or the bad times when I need a touch or a shoulder or an empathetic ear... I don't have that either, so I have to handle all the bad things on my own too. And, I so wish I could be someone's shoulder... someone's confidant that she wants to share when something is good in her life too... but I can't be that, give that to anyone because I am always alone.