i keep telling myself to man up and do full suspension, but there's literally no way for me to practice since i can only do it once. i just end up choking myself with the rope when i try to do partial. i'm so sorry you had such a bad experience with it. i would definitely panic and feel really bad if i was conscious that i was pissing myself. that's why i'm nervous about hanging myself in my closet because it would make such a bad smell in the house.
i used (like middle school) to choke myself as self harm but i wouldn't ever press on the carotids because i put my hands too low, so it would mostly be a choking feeling. i liked the feeling of pressure and it would stop all my thoughts too. but it never made me lightheaded and mostly hurt. putting pressure on my carotids is really different because it kind of has an airy feeling, like i'm floating. i read a post a few days ago warning to not press on your carotids too much or you'll get addicted.