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Darkover

Darkover

Archangel
Jul 29, 2021
5,649
Life™: The Ultimate Subscription Service You Can't Cancel

Congratulations! You've been forcibly enrolled in Life™, the premium, high-stakes, never-ending subscription service that you never signed up for. There's no free trial, no upfront agreement—one day, you just wake up in a fragile, malfunction-prone body with no instruction manual and a set of random biological imperatives dictating your every move.

The terms and conditions? You don't get to read them. You're just here, thrown into existence without consent, forced to navigate a chaotic mess of pain, responsibility, and disappointment, all while pretending it's worth it. You are expected to pay your dues—physically, emotionally, and financially—until your time is up. Failure to comply may result in penalties, including but not limited to suffering, poverty, isolation, or premature deletion.
Welcome to the Prison of Life™!

Not only is Life™ a mandatory subscription service, but it's also a prison cleverly disguised as a playground. You're given just enough distractions—TV, music, cheap thrills—to keep you from noticing the bars. You're told you're free, that you can "be anything you want," but in reality? You're shackled to biological needs, economic servitude, and a society that gaslights you into thinking this is normal.

You're hungry? Work for it.
You're sick? Pay for treatment.
You're depressed? Cope or be judged.

The walls of this prison are built out of inescapable suffering—aging, disease, loss, and the slow realization that nothing truly belongs to you. Not your time, not your happiness, not even your body, which deteriorates against your will. The warden? A mix of societal expectations, biological imperatives, and the illusion of hope.
But Wait… There's an Exit Button! (Kinda.)

Now, here's the biggest joke of all—Life™ actually has an exit button… but it's been intentionally hidden away behind fear, stigma, and endless roadblocks.

The system is designed to keep you locked in at all costs. Even thinking about leaving is met with judgment, guilt-tripping, and patronizing advice about how you should "appreciate what you have." You'll be told:

"It gets better!" (It doesn't.)
"You just need to find meaning!" (Good luck.)
"Think about your loved ones!" (As if they aren't just as trapped as you.)

If Life™ were a fair system, you'd have the right to opt-out at any time, with dignity and without obstacles. But no—because that would mean acknowledging that this whole thing might not be worth it. And if too many people started questioning the service, the entire system might crumble under its own absurdity.

So, instead, you're forced to keep playing. Trapped in an endless, meaningless grind, waiting for your subscription to naturally expire, hoping the end comes quick and painless—because, as we all know, this prison doesn't just let you walk out. It makes you suffer first.
Final Verdict: 0/10 – Would Not Recommend

Life™ is the worst deal imaginable—a subscription that charges you in suffering, a prison that convinces you it's a playground, and a trap designed to keep you inside until your body breaks down completely.

The only consolation? Eventually, everyone's subscription expires.

Wouldn't it be nice if you could just hit "Cancel" and be done with it?

Too bad. The button is hidden.
 
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Pluto

Pluto

Cat Extremist
Dec 27, 2020
5,181
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locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Archangel
Apr 15, 2022
8,960
How well written is that? You've precisely hit the nail right on the head. It is succinct, logical, well-structured, analytical, quite concise, and even poignant. Well done. Kudos.
 
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pthnrdnojvsc

pthnrdnojvsc

Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
Aug 12, 2019
3,470
the button is not only hidden. they made every button every guaranteed suicide method into crimes. they made hiring someone to help you with suicide into crimes. Nembutal , suicide booths and kits like sarco , cyanide capsules etc they made all into crimes

they made it a crime to hire someone pay someone to inject you with nembutal, fenatnyl , heroin morphine . also to hire someone to shoot you with a gun 100 times in the head which is guaranteed. the first shot to the head will knock me out instantly no pain and probably kill me instantly especially with a rifle or shotgun and any other shots could be applied to make assisted Death certain. all of these would be painless and guaranteed.

its a trillion times easier to pay someone to do it for you and a trillion times more reliable guaranteed

someone could also asist you with nitrogen exit bag, carbon monoxide making sure it's guaranteed.
 
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sanction

sanction

sanctioned
Mar 15, 2019
646
FUCK THIS LIFE. GETTING MORE AND MORE FED UP EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PEOPLE NEED TO STOP HAVING KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is some fucking bullshit we're FORCED to deal with. I have such deep hatred towards my parents
 
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B

bobblong

Student
Mar 15, 2023
170
And it's gonna be even better , with AI replacing ppl's job becoming more real these days.
 
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sanction

sanction

sanctioned
Mar 15, 2019
646
And it's gonna be even better , with AI replacing ppl's job becoming more real these days.
I feel this world has peaked about 10-15 years ago

Now with everybody trying to get attention and be popular on social media, everything getting recorded on camera with little privacy left, and like you said, AI also being introduced as well

This world is just becoming too toxic and artificial. It has lost it's beauty. Too much technology being over used
 
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Shadows From Hell

Shadows From Hell

The one who has lost a lot, fears nothing.
Oct 21, 2024
420
Well, this definitely made my day! Thanks!!!
 
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Permanoir

Permanoir

Student
Dec 29, 2024
122
This reminds me of the essay "The Last Messiah" by Peter Wessel Zapffe
 
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pthnrdnojvsc

pthnrdnojvsc

Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
Aug 12, 2019
3,470
And it's gonna be even better , with AI replacing ppl's job becoming more real these days.
Yeah and as an example imo people don't realize imo this op was written by chatgpt ai. It writes a well written technical essay in a second.

I could never write this good. It would take a writer hours to write something in their field, days if need to research.
 
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N

NoPoint2Life

Why is this so hard?
Aug 31, 2024
760
How well written is that? You've precisely hit the nail right on the head. It is succinct, logical, well-structured, analytical, quite concise, and even poignant. Well done. Kudos.
As is your reply. Well, done to you and the OP. Hope people don't get put off that it's a long read. It's one of the most interesting ones I've read here.
 
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S

Still here

Member
Feb 11, 2025
85
the button is not only hidden. they made every button every guaranteed suicide method into crimes. they made hiring someone to help you with suicide into crimes. Nembutal , suicide booths and kits like sarco , cyanide capsules etc they made all into crimes

they made it a crime to hire someone pay someone to inject you with nembutal, fenatnyl , heroin morphine . also to hire someone to shoot you with a gun 100 times in the head which is guaranteed. the first shot to the head will knock me out instantly no pain and probably kill me instantly especially with a rifle or shotgun and any other shots could be applied to make assisted Death certain. all of these would be painless and guaranteed.

its a trillion times easier to pay someone to do it for you and a trillion times more reliable guaranteed

someone could also asist you with nitrogen exit bag, carbon monoxide making sure it's guaranteed.
Not assisted,they only have to make these methods freely available..
 
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W

waitin2go

yungblud's "hello heaven" sparked hope for now
Apr 26, 2025
80
This is some fucking bullshit we're FORCED to deal with.

My mom requested for IUD before I was born, and even condom. My dad refused "iTs NoT nAtUrAL" and his manlihood got threatened. I was born, dad realised the f-up, mom got IUD.

So not only am I forced to live this life because of some dumb lameass excuse, my elder siblings (and really the entire family) could've had better lives economically, and mental health wise.

The best part? Apparently I'm supposed to be grateful for this MiRaClE gIfT oF LiFe (no prizes for guessing that they also glorify suffering)
 
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It'sMyLife

It'sMyLife

Little bundles of futile hope we are
Apr 18, 2020
147
And the button has been made to be very difficult to press once you become aware of its existence. I've surmised on the concept that we're living in hell and it's disguised by the fact that you can experience pleasure , happiness and success in said hell. If I ever come to a judgement I didn't ask for I'm going to cross examine them and ask them when and why I was created and demand an opt out if I'm being sent to some horrible place for eternity as I could not have requested to be created. Talk about gaslighting . This reality really is a shitshow and your post accurately describes it . Well written. Now to all of the pro life anti choice prowlers on this forum , if you have the balls, try and refute any of the OP's write up . No bible thumping as proof please
 
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meatclown

meatclown

Encephalopathyathon
Jan 24, 2023
27
If I could have a power it'd be save and quit
I gotta load another file
Go for a goddamn walk in the astral realm
 

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