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Wrath

Wrath

Long live my dead dreams.
Dec 12, 2024
29
I'm going to leave an angry final note. "ooooooh broooooooo it's bad KARMAAAAAAaaaa" So what? Where's my 'good' karma then? Some might say that it won't matter because I'm dead, but that goes both ways. I can be angry if I want to. I'm justified in that. Some might say that it is because it will leave attachments or something, but sucking up with a smile again and again would be a worse form of attachment, because then I'd be lying to the bitter end, to myself, and to everyone else. A final truthful middle finger where I put it all on the table and fuck off would technically be *less* attachment. It's not my responsibility to forgive. Especially not when it ends like this. The people who did things to me that I now somehow have to "forgive" are the ones that should work on whatever bullshit "karma" this is. "karma" isn't real anyways. If something appears to me in the afterlife and starts talking about 'karma' they are either a guilt tripping demon, or something that I'll tell to fuck off. If heaven is real then I don't want in. I'll sit in limbo forever. Can't go anywhere if I refuse to be "judged".

My life is depressing, sad, and futile. And so I have been too. I want to give myself the right to finally be angry with it.

I even told my dad about my final intentions to ctb and why, though I didn't tell him stuff about himself, mainly just my mental problems. He ended up hugging me as I sat on the kitchen floor and cried really hard. Sounds like he cares right? Nope. "You have to stay alive for me" "Without you I have nothing" blah blah blah. I'm being extremely callous, but he was never caring when it really mattered. When he hugged me, all I could remember is every time he beat the shit out of me and screamed over homework. And all the other times where I can't remember the reason why I was mistreated. And all the times where he ignored me and didn't help when I was asking to see a therapist when I was 14. Too late now old man. I don't want to forgive him. He only stopped treating me like shit when my little brother hung himself at the start of the year. I don't know how long my dad will be like this though. Maybe he'll go back to his old ways all over again. I don't know. I don't want to find out.

Just now I remembered that time I had a mental breakdown a year before this and told him why it was logical to kill myself. He didn't take it seriously back then though, but what I found funny is that he went around in circles, never telling me anything that I could look forward to or any reason to live and just, "find god". Thanks kanye.

I'm reading this post after writing it and I see how much of an asshole I come across as. I know. But explaining what my parents did to me is harder than explaining how I feel about it. I'm mad. I'm dying mad.
 
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F

Forveleth

I knew I forgot to do something when I was 15...
Mar 26, 2024
2,578
Same boat here. Leaving a note for my partner and parents that basically says "This happened because of you." These people are the closest to us, which means they should be our biggest supporters. It is a particularly cruel pain when they are not. I have no problem letting them know the full consequences of their actions.

I am sorry you have gotten to this point. I wish things could have gone better for us. 🫂
 
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fkyou

fkyou

...
Oct 1, 2022
257
To each their own circumstances..you may read something here about how leaving a spiteful note is bad..but it's a subjective experience..I left an angry note too
 
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Dejected 55

Dejected 55

Enlightened
May 7, 2025
1,264
I'm not judging... you do what you want... but whenever I think about leaving a note, whether spiteful or kind, I always ask myself...

What am I trying to accomplish with the note?

I'll be dead. I'll never know what the result was... did it piss off the person I wanted to piss off? did the person I hope feels guilt, actually feel guilty? was the person I wanted to comfort, actually comforted? I'll never know.

I always recommend... tell people how you feel now, while you are both here. If you want to hurt them or guilt them, do it now... see the reaction if there is one. Whatever you think you want to get from whatever note you would leave... get that reaction now, while you're here to see it. Then try to go in as much a state of peace as you can and don't worry about what people think or do or say once you are gone.
 
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