Venting Just another bad night...

[Jisatsu]

I didn't tell anyone I was having a bad night because I didn't want to hear the same tired advice. I went out anyway. Went to a bar with barely any money..., people, noise. Normal cover.
I drank more than I mean't to. Took meds I knew that didn't mix well. Not enough to "do anything," just enough to not care what happened after.
I remember thinking, If I wake up, fine. If I don't, also fine.
I blacked out in a bathroom. Someone dragged me out and helped sober me up...
I came to hours later shaking, phone dead, mouth full of blood because I'd bitten my tongue hard enough to make it bleed significantly. No ambulance. No drama. Just embarrassment and a room that smelled like bleach ,vomit and piss.
The worst part wasn't almost getting hurt.
It was realizing nobody there knew me well enough to notice how close I was to pulling a out a razor and cutting open my throat.
I got home trying to hang myself when I was hungover to shit so I ended up just sleeping on the floor and I've told no one about this...
Everyone still thinks I just "had a rough night".

 

[Lamentice]

Holding layeredly painful experiences like this in your chest alone is agonizing. I'm sorry.

 

[Deepdense]

What stopped you from getting the razor out?

 

[39hatsune]

im sorry you feel so alone, it might not help but at least a few on here know about your night now

 

[Jisatsu]

What stopped you from getting the razor out?

Because cutting your carotid arteries is stupid , it's a whole lot of pain for a slim chance of death.

 

[Baisley]

So so sorry. I hope you're feels no better now.