I've chickened

[Corovaner]

Day before yesterday I wanted to drink my SN. But I couldn't. I took metoclopramide and stared at my sn jar for about 40 minutes. And didn't drink it. I feel myself coward and traitor.

 

[Zardoz]

As the saying goes, "whatever doesn't kill you can only make you stronger".
Put it down to experience. SI is brutal for most of us, it's human nature.
Maybe it's an opportunity to re-evaluate whether CTB is the right thing, idk, we all have to decide that for ourselves.
Try not to beat yourself up about it too much.
Best wishes to you.

 

[kitkat9234]

I'm worried I'm going to have the same issue. Ugh. Fuck SI. Wish I could just do it already.

 

[Corovaner]

As the saying goes, "whatever doesn't kill you can only make you stronger".
Put it down to experience. SI is brutal for most of us, it's human nature.
Maybe it's an opportunity to re-evaluate whether CTB is the right thing, idk, we all have to decide that for ourselves.
Try not to beat yourself up about it too much.
Best wishes to you.

The problem is that I have health issues and ctb is the best option.

 

[Zardoz]

I'm worried I'm going to have the same issue. Ugh. Fuck SI. Wish I could just do it already.

I also fear the SI element of it. I think this what the benzos are meant to help with in the standard SN protocol?
I don't have them, I'm going to use booze (I have a long, long intimate relationship with alcohol, and I do know about the advice about not mixing it with SN due to increased risk of vomiting). Never easy, is it.

The problem is that I have health issues and ctb is the best option.

A failed attempt at anything doesn't have to mean the end of trying. Like learning to ride a bike, or giving up smoking.

 

[kitkat9234]

I also fear the SI element of it. I think this what the benzos are meant to help with in the standard SN protocol?
I don't have them, I'm going to use booze (I have a long, long intimate relationship with alcohol, and I do know about the advice about not mixing it with SN due to increased risk of vomiting). Never easy, is it.

A failed attempt at anything doesn't have to mean the end of trying. Like learning to ride a bike, or giving up smoking.

Unfortunately I don't have any benzos but I do have Lunesta so I'm hoping that might be ok….. havent gotten my hands on meto yet either….

My issue is that I don't know if I'm going to be able to bring myself to actually prepare the SN in the first place.

Like measure it, measure the water and mix etc. I'm going to have to make a few doses Incase I vommit which I probably will. So that will be more time…..

So doing all that before I take the lunesta……. I've been thinking about the whole process and not sure how I can push past SI. Also scared I will fuck it up because I don't have the correct meds. I cannot fail this time. I think that's my biggest worry.

 

[TAW122]

The SI is really tough to overcome and not uncommon for people to back out or change their minds. Even I myself can't fully promise that if I ever end up really attempting CTB that I would never encounter it... I hope you are able to find peace and also not lose your method or have any other negative repercussions.

 

[Off_Switch]

Do you think alcohol would help? I couldn't imagine CTB sober.

 

[Corovaner]

No, alcohol will increase risk of vomiting.

 

[westerly_merlin]

Day before yesterday I wanted to drink my SN. But I couldn't. I took metoclopramide and stared at my sn jar for about 40 minutes. And didn't drink it. I feel myself coward and traitor.

Not chickened, it just is not the right time.

I had the same 2 months ago, ended up hanging full suspension when I panicked and literally climbed (well scrambled) up a near by wall to relieve the pressure.

In my mind it was not the right time and although I still have thoughts about CTB it is not the only option for me. I see CTB as the last resort but maybe there is a different life for me. IDK

 

[Corovaner]

Not chickened, it just is not the right time.

I had the same 2 months ago, ended up hanging full suspension when I panicked and literally climbed (well scrambled) up a near by wall to relieve the pressure.

In my mind it was not the right time and although I still have thoughts about CTB it is not the only option for me. I see CTB as the last resort but maybe there is a different life for me. IDK

In my case ctb is the best option.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

I belive that free will is only an illusion, that our future is determined thought we cannot know it. There is a certain percentage of people who overcome their survival instinct and kill themselfes. You will see whether you belong to this minority or not, you only have to wait and let it happen.

 

[Freedomm]

Day before yesterday I wanted to drink my SN. But I couldn't. I took metoclopramide and stared at my sn jar for about 40 minutes. And didn't drink it. I feel myself coward and traitor.

I totally understand you, SI is the only thing that keeps me going. But relax and take it as training and experience.