Venting It's not the easy way out

[Polyxo]

To those who think CTB is the easy way out,

I have been struggling to make the choice to live every single morning for at least 13 years. I have parents and relatives who love me. You think going thru with CTB is easy??? Fight survival instinct??? Knowing that my family will suffer and never be the same??? I cry all the time knowing I have to CTB despite all the "signs" telling me I shouldn't. This is what my mind and my soul are telling me. I can't ignore the voices. The pain of knowing I deserve to die and that I've never wanted anything more desperately or passionately. I fight myself every day. I fight to stay alive. You talk about people who've died from terminal illness like they fought every day. "Fighting cancer" or "fighting COVID". Why do people who CTB "commit" it like they've done a crime?

 

[rosysagefame]

It is extremely hard either way, there is no "easy" route...

 

[countingclocks]

This pops into my mind a lot too. Going through with suicide is one of the most irreversible decisions a person can make, and it innately opposes all natural survival instincts, which will often kick in for even some of the most committed people. Even without considering the aftermath, the literal steps it takes to actually go through with it are inherently excruciatingly difficult. I think people who view it as "the easy way out" have never seriously considered it themselves, have limited representation of those who have, and tend to be unempathetic to people around them who almost have or outright have.

 

[alwaysalone]

It is extremely hard either way, there is no "easy" route...

This^^^^ dying or living they're both extremely difficult. I understand logically why some say it's easy. I don't think they're referring to the actual act, more the fact we don't have to deal with life's problems or any problems depending on beliefs. Life as we all know is Never ending problems for the 40,50,60..... years.

 

[CrownRoyal]

To those who think CTB is the easy way out,

I have been struggling to make the choice to live every single morning for at least 13 years. I have parents and relatives who love me. You think going thru with CTB is easy??? Fight survival instinct??? Knowing that my family will suffer and never be the same??? I cry all the time knowing I have to CTB despite all the "signs" telling me I shouldn't. This is what my mind and my soul are telling me. I can't ignore the voices. The pain of knowing I deserve to die and that I've never wanted anything more desperately or passionately. I fight myself every day. I fight to stay alive. You talk about people who've died from terminal illness like they fought every day. "Fighting cancer" or "fighting COVID". Why do people who CTB "commit" it like they've done a crime?

I don't think it's the easy way out — it can be extremely difficult. I also agree that the word "commit" isn't ideal, as it implies wrongdoing. Many people and organizations now encourage using the phrase "died by suicide" instead, to avoid stigmatizing language.

 

[diopdawe]

I hate how society thinks about CTB. "They chose the easy way out.", "They are cowards for leaving loved ones behind.", "They selected a permanent solution to a temporary problem" etc etc. Living with major depressive disorder is a torture every day. I'd rather have cancer: at least I would have 50/50: I either survive and they tell me how couragously I fought the disease or I die and they say how couragously I fought against the disease. If I CTB they will only say negative things about me. I have that.