its gotten so bad that I can relate to the "signs" of a dying person

[Surai]

11 Signs of Death and Ways to Help Your Loved Ones

These 11 signs may indicate that death is near: sleeping more, decreased appetite, being less social, changes in vital signs, decreased body waste, cool skin, muscle weakness, labored breathing, confusion, pain, and hallucinations. In the final hours, talk to your loved one, and help them feel...

www.healthline.com

And I cant get myself to feel without going numb

I swear I look into myself and wonder what the animal is doing sitting in that chair that subtley controls me. with its blank stare looking in every direction but my own. shifting side to side.

I woke up one morning upset. Upset that I was woken up because I would have done anything to get back to that feeling that I feel when Im asleep