Venting It's getting concerning

[PurplePerson]

Usally after venting and doing stuff to my skin, I tend to feel better for the next couple of days, but after last night the feeling haven't gone away. This is different and even more scary than before. It's like the thoughts have been boosted x10. When I'm outside, I want a car to hit me. When I'm cooking, I want to sheath a knife in my body. When I'm taking medicine, I want to take the whole bottle. The thoughts are so so much worse then they were yesterday. I don't know why I'm not getting better this time. I don't know why I feel like this and I don't want to anymore. At this point, I can't even get help from anyone irl. I've dug myself a deep deep whole and there is not the slightest chance I will climb my way out. What do I do? Is there even anything I can do at this point?