I apologize for the cuss words.
I am fucking exhausted, I don't want to do any fucking thing. But at the same time I'm addicted to masturbating and other copes so i am not willing to kill myself. On top of that, these fucking addictions have made me forget a little bit of my reason for being this way. I am so fucking ill, i am so fucking messed up in the head. I want to put out a lot of fucking hate and just channel it on something because life and everybody in it seems to keep fucking moving but i haven't caught up with them.
I have a shit ton of serious college entrances in a few months. I have had years of gap after my school, so i don't really know most of what the entrances ask for. If i don't get a good college, why would i pursue a degree at all then. It's just 1-2 months now and i can't seem to fucking do anything in my life to get everything in order. Fucking killing myself is such a good option but i seem just so scared, and mentally, i feel like a zombie with no fucking thoughts or emotions because my brain can only think as far as porn or masturbation goes. My life is fucking ruined.
Yet another year of thinking whether or not i should have killed myself back then.
It's so anxiety inducing of sort, all of it that i need to tackle in order to just sit back and take a relaxed breath for a while.
How did i change so fucking much in a month.
I am fucking exhausted, I don't want to do any fucking thing. But at the same time I'm addicted to masturbating and other copes so i am not willing to kill myself. On top of that, these fucking addictions have made me forget a little bit of my reason for being this way. I am so fucking ill, i am so fucking messed up in the head. I want to put out a lot of fucking hate and just channel it on something because life and everybody in it seems to keep fucking moving but i haven't caught up with them.
I have a shit ton of serious college entrances in a few months. I have had years of gap after my school, so i don't really know most of what the entrances ask for. If i don't get a good college, why would i pursue a degree at all then. It's just 1-2 months now and i can't seem to fucking do anything in my life to get everything in order. Fucking killing myself is such a good option but i seem just so scared, and mentally, i feel like a zombie with no fucking thoughts or emotions because my brain can only think as far as porn or masturbation goes. My life is fucking ruined.
Yet another year of thinking whether or not i should have killed myself back then.
It's so anxiety inducing of sort, all of it that i need to tackle in order to just sit back and take a relaxed breath for a while.
How did i change so fucking much in a month.
