Is this a good reason to stay alive a little longer?

[BlueButterfly111]

I was planning to ctb in 4 days but something just happened recently. I found out that my friend who is a woman like me wants to have sex with me. I know this sounds crazy but the thought of being with her is very exciting to me, I would've done it earlier had I known that she felt that way. She has asked me to come over to her house and hang out with her plenty of times, but I never got the hint until now.

It would be my first time having sex with a woman. I wanted to hang out with her tonight, but she said that she would have time on Wednesday or Thursday which is the day that I was going to ctb. Is this a sign from the universe? I've had signs come to me from the universe before.

My depression is so bad that I don't know if I can stick around for that long, but the thought of being with her is so exciting to me. I've been so horny and desperate for attention and affection, but I haven't wanted to be with anyone since my boyfriend passed away last year. Also the day that I was going to ctb would be the one year anniversary of the very last time I saw my boyfriend before he passed away. That's why I picked that date, so should I really change it for this?

Also what if the sex is bad or she doesn't like me or really anything can happen? Also what if the sex is good? What if I fell in love and actually had a reason to live again? I think it might be worth sticking around just a little longer for but idk. Hopefully I won't regret it if I do.

I could even be wrong about her wanting to have sex, but I'm like 99% sure she wants to have sex with me, especially when we will be drinking and getting high. Don't ask me how I know but I've just seen many signs that she is sexually attracted to me. Also we both love butterflies and she buys me the best butterfly gifts.

Honestly wonder if we would fall in love, I doubt that she wants to be in a relationship with me but you never know. She doesn't have a boyfriend or anything, and I've never really seen her show much interest in men. Or worse, what if I fall in love and she just wants to have fun? What is your guys opinions? Is this worth sticking around a little while longer? I'll try my best to keep you guys updated on whatever I decide to do. I know I have a lot going on, lol.

 

[flutebloom]

I would say if you're excited by it you should do it. The worst that could happen is you don't have a good time.

 

[getoutgirl]

I mean don't know if it's a sign from the universe but...
If you feel really excited to have sex with that gal even despite your depression...
I say go at it !
If good things happen that's good. If they don't I don't think things could get much worse than the plans you had so
might aswell stick around for that then see

 

[Average Joe]

There's a quote I heard online: "You can always kill yourself tomorrow", which means that you can put it off til the next day and the day after.
What if something 'magical' happened, you fall in love or at least have sex. Life might be bearable for a while, and even if it goes bad, you still have your plan.

Will the idea of sex outweigh the urge to ctb? I know you mentioned it's on the same day, but either way, you could head home and rethink your plan, or you could head home and fulfill your plan.

I'm never good at conveying my thoughts, but I hope you get the gist of it. Sex is great.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I would say if you're excited by it you should do it. The worst that could happen is you don't have a good time.

Thanks for your opinion. That's also what I think because I mean even if the worst happened I can always just ctb. But I'm also like scared to stay alive because I'm always afraid that something bad can happen. Also don't know if I want to change that date, because it's the 1 year anniversary of the last time I saw my boyfriend before he passed away. I haven't felt like this in a long time so I think it's worth it. Thanks again!

 

[Carrot]

Yay, a topic for me, I think. I was running low on these.

Glad you found a glimmer of hope, I'd say go for it and try to improve your life. Having somebody in your life can be motivating, but at the same time don't expect another person to fix your life. You need to take care of each other in relationships, the "high" of sex can wear down.

I personally wouldn't start potential relationships with a "hookup" or something that looks like one. Knowing if you are "compatible in bed" is important, but you don't need to rush it if you want to try an actual relationship. I'd focus on other stuff first and make it clear (maybe through actions, maybe with words) that you are interested in something more serious than just sex. Make sure you actually enjoy spending time together with something else than sex.

 

[_Maya]

The only reason i think i'm still alive to this point is because of my friends, so i say go for it.

 

[divinemistress36]

If its just for a fun hook up go for it the good times are short

 

[bankai]

You only get one shot at life. If you can find a reason to postpone. Please do so. This could be the start of something amazing. Or it might not. Regardless, a few extra days on this planet can't hurt.

 

[CesiumBullet]

After reading all your posts this put a smile on my face! I really hope you stick around long enough to find something worth living for. I'm so proud of you. (and also jealous. I'm in a straight relationship but would love to have a lesbian experience )

 

[Britney Spears]

Enjoy the spark that has appeared, my heart