is suicide really a choice?

[takuyablackbox]

based off personal experience, the desire and solaced dreams of ending my life would manifest themselves into a sort of light at the end of the tunnel. like that there was NO other choice at all. that i had lived through these chapters in my book, and it was only gonna be right with one, already written ending. i feel as thats why every day that i was living just felt so wrong. my mind fixating itself on daydreams of ctb, from sunrise to sunset, as a sort of comforting way that distracted me from the terrible pain of still continuing to live day to day. i feel like i would never even consider suicide if i didn't fully believe that it was the ONLY outcome that made sense for me. the ONLY path for the redemption of my soul. in that sense, it sort of feels as if i don't really have a choice in the matter. that the every day battle of convincing myself to commit to either life or death is one that can only last so long. something to just delay the inevitable.

does anyone else feel like this? or at the very least understand what i'm saying? is the decision to ctb one to be logically, consciously made by one through reasons pertaining to their experiences and perspectives? or just an inevitable end to eventually befit every soul that was unwantingly born into a life of misery and detachment.

do people kill themselves because they want to or because they have to?

 

[chakravyuh]

If death is inevitable, why is suicide frowned up. It should be taken as a welcome step that the person was courageous enough to take his own life and end his suffering once and for all.

i want to end my life because it's the only option left on the table for me. I am surrounded from all sides with death as the only exit available.

 

[lookingglassinsect]

Yes, I feel the same way, but here's what's interesting: even though this was the logical outcome, why does it bring such relief? Thoughts about death should cause discomfort instead.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

If free will is only an illusion, what I belive, our future is determined and we have no choice neither for suicide nor for anything else.

 

[frayed]

death is inevitable. how we die though can be a choice. is it impossible to imagine that there's a chance that someone else in your exact position may make a different choice? after all, people can come from all sorts of backgrounds, can carry different genetic dispositions, and may be subject to different external factors. the path of a person can change drastically in a moment. i'm not saying it happens a lot, but it happens. i've seen some therapists describe certain suicides as seemingly inevitable, but that says more about the suicidal person than suicide itself, i think, and at best it's just an educated guess.

however, i cannot help but feel i am gonna end up a suicide myself too, unless some miracle happens.

 

[Vivissa]

For me its is. Must be a choice. If you feel forced to suicide, maybe is not a good reason to do it, at least in most of the cases. imo

 

[fedup1982]

I feel like I'm just floating through life, unable to change much. Like I'm rowing through fog with every direction the same until I hit barriers. I wish I could end my life but I'm just taking the path of least resistance because I just have sod all motivation. I wish I could die but suicide is HARD and seeds of doubt have been planted in my mind by a conspiracy such that I just don't feel like I have an acceptable way to die that I can muster the courage for. Kill me

 

[unluckysadness]

I don't think it's a choice. To me it's just a consequence of too much suffering / depression.

 

[TheVanishingPoint]

I think that alternative is an illusion because there is no predestined course, but the blind chance which propels us forward, and we are masters of nothing: we drift like beachcombers on the vacuity of chance, imagining that we can plot a course which does not exist, because every situation which affects us determines us without our desiring it, and even when we are debating upon changing or plotting a course we are merely responding to forces of chance, coincidences, lucky meetings, sudden shocks which dismember us and reassemble us, and the illusion of knowing everything is merely the mind's effort to escape complete collapse, while in truth we are children of chaos, creatures hurled into a game with no rules nor terminus, where what occurs has neither reason nor necessity, but the hard and arbitrary blow of chance.

 

[brokeandbroken]

based off personal experience, the desire and solaced dreams of ending my life would manifest themselves into a sort of light at the end of the tunnel. like that there was NO other choice at all. that i had lived through these chapters in my book, and it was only gonna be right with one, already written ending. i feel as thats why every day that i was living just felt so wrong. my mind fixating itself on daydreams of ctb, from sunrise to sunset, as a sort of comforting way that distracted me from the terrible pain of still continuing to live day to day. i feel like i would never even consider suicide if i didn't fully believe that it was the ONLY outcome that made sense for me. the ONLY path for the redemption of my soul. in that sense, it sort of feels as if i don't really have a choice in the matter. that the every day battle of convincing myself to commit to either life or death is one that can only last so long. something to just delay the inevitable.

does anyone else feel like this? or at the very least understand what i'm saying? is the decision to ctb one to be logically, consciously made by one through reasons pertaining to their experiences and perspectives? or just an inevitable end to eventually befit every soul that was unwantingly born into a life of misery and detachment.

do people kill themselves because they want to or because they have to?

The answer is probably it depends. In my case I worked my ass off got an undergrad, got into medical school, the band was playing and then I was a victim of crimes the music stopped and everything was taken away. All the inertia of life stopped. Every single thing was gone. Friends, family, financials, career, everything. Okay let's get the band playing again. Except finding a job is literally proven to be essentially impossible. 1000s of jobs applied nothing. Everyday success is further away then it was yesterday and the ability to get there even more impossible. It's not even a question of doing it. It's I just literally don't have the opportunities to do anything about it. If I did I would be.

Things in life that give it meaning on some level require money. If you have none, are broke, or you just have no opportunities to earn any you are kind of SOL. While there's more to life besides the amount of 0s in your bank account no one is clamoring to befriend the homeless guy. If they are it's to say how virtuous they are and are just trying to profit off someone's misfortunes.

Sure there's always religion but let's be honest they also like money. Even if they do accept you. Without all other components of life because even if they let you sit in the pew on Sunday's they aren't going to care about you. Even you believe in God and can still hold that God is good which is tough road. There's going to be something in heaven also people. The same people that treated you so poorly your whole life. Even if I believe why do I want to see you there or have anything to do with you? I'll keep my mouth shut and frankly stay home. Like no you can go to hell.

To answer your question. A hollow life versus ending a hollow life doesn't seem different. Frankly if one is angry today how much angrier are you going to be when you do naturally die?

 

[Kalista]

is suicide really a choice?

yes

based off personal experience, the desire and solaced dreams of ending my life would manifest themselves into a sort of light at the end of the tunnel. like that there was NO other choice at all. that i had lived through these chapters in my book, and it was only gonna be right with one, already written ending. i feel as thats why every day that i was living just felt so wrong. my mind fixating itself on daydreams of ctb, from sunrise to sunset, as a sort of comforting way that distracted me from the terrible pain of still continuing to live day to day. i feel like i would never even consider suicide if i didn't fully believe that it was the ONLY outcome that made sense for me. the ONLY path for the redemption of my soul. in that sense, it sort of feels as if i don't really have a choice in the matter. that the every day battle of convincing myself to commit to either life or death is one that can only last so long. something to just delay the inevitable.

all of this is just romanticizing life, death, and suicide -- turning it into some kind of predetermined, meaningful story instead of what it objectively is: a choice. the pain is real, but making it sound like fate or redemption hides the fact that it's ultimately up to the person, not some script already written.

does anyone else feel like this? or at the very least understand what i'm saying? is the decision to ctb one to be logically, consciously made by one through reasons pertaining to their experiences and perspectives? or just an inevitable end to eventually befit every soul that was unwantingly born into a life of misery and detachment.

it will always be logical and conscious, because it stems from their own experience. any decisions made is a response to what the experience is. if one wants to kill themselves to permanently stop the current and any future pain, that is a logical response. if they want to continue living and try to get through the pain, that is also a logical response.
a reminder that just because someone is suffering, depressed and/or suicidal, does not mean they're incapable of rational thought.

it is not inevitable as pain and suffering vary between individuals no matter how much people like to think 'they understand how it feels completely.'
also, many are taught a variety of coping mechanisms (whether by a therapist, family member, friend, or stranger) to deal with or manage through the pain -- while never thinking about killing themselves. suicide is foreign to them.

beyond how one feels -- 'suicide as a choice' is there and it exists whether any one fucking likes, or believes in it or not.

do people kill themselves because they want to or because they have to?

both, but it doesn't matter whether they want or have to. the choice is intrinsically there and in the end, it's chosen -- relieving themselves of current and any future pain.