Is it wrong to die angry?

[WonderWhatsOutThere]

I wrote a letter basically blaming my family for everything. While it is how I feel and their actions most definitely pushed me over the edge, I'm wondering if it's the right thing to do. I literally end the letter with "I'll see you in hell" and call my mother a horrible mother.

I want to keep the part where I tell them how their actions effected me in a less judgemental way, but I wonder if it's ok to keep the rest. Because while they all hurt me in different ways, they did have good intentions and what they thought was best for me because they love me.

I'm just wondering what the title says: should I die angry, or just thank them for trying? I'm on the fence about it because them trying to help is exactly what led to my current mental state. Any input would be appreciated

 

[Dejected 55]

I am not in a position to say right vs wrong since I haven't lived your life. It does feel sad to me. I'm disappointed in life quite a bit, but I'm not angry. I don't think I would like to die angry. The stress alone would be awful. But, not having lived your life, I can't say if there is something that could make me angry enough that I would carry that with me.

I think all I can offer here is perspective in general... I think it boils down to what do you want. Is there someone you genuinely want to make feel bad? Is there anyone you specifically do NOT want to have feel bad? Is there a real anger/hate you want to make sure is felt/expressed after you are gone? I think you maybe need to take a breath and make a list, even if just a mental list, and think it through as to what YOU want... and try as much as you can to communicate that however it makes sense.

 

[WonderWhatsOutThere]

I am not in a position to say right vs wrong since I haven't lived your life. It does feel sad to me. I'm disappointed in life quite a bit, but I'm not angry. I don't think I would like to die angry. The stress alone would be awful. But, not having lived your life, I can't say if there is something that could make me angry enough that I would carry that with me.

I think all I can offer here is perspective in general... I think it boils down to what do you want. Is there someone you genuinely want to make feel bad? Is there anyone you specifically do NOT want to have feel bad? Is there a real anger/hate you want to make sure is felt/expressed after you are gone? I think you maybe need to take a breath and make a list, even if just a mental list, and think it through as to what YOU want... and try as much as you can to communicate that however it makes sense.

I go back and forth. Even though they had the best intentions, they should know how their actions effected me. But I logically understand where they were coming from. There is only one person that I truly want to chew out because his actions were purely to serve himself

 

[sadman1897]

It's hard to say without knowing all of the details of who did what , but I wouldn't want my last words to family be so negative .

 

[WonderWhatsOutThere]

It's hard to say without knowing all of the details of who did what , but I wouldn't want my last words to family be so negative .

I rewrote it a bit to focus on the person who deserved it the most. As much as I would like to say things like "I love you all, I'm sorry to leave" or just be polite, I just can't. I simply don't want to. As much as I don't want to be negative in my final moments, I also think I have the right to fully voice how I feel. I removed the overtly hurtful stuff, at least

 

[fedup1982]

Definitely don't die angry. Never end a day with unresolved anger if you can help it. Really you need to process it and learn to forgive, otherwise its bad karma.

 

[WonderWhatsOutThere]

Definitely don't die angry. Never end a day with unresolved anger if you can help it. Really you need to process it and learn to forgive, otherwise its bad karma.

I see what you're saying, I'd like to not die angry, not for them but for me since I would fully be at peace. But resolving the anger would require years. I'd have to stick around a lot longer than I plan to.

 

[hippiedeath]

I'd say die honorably, without any anger towards anyone; but an embrace of the possibility of peace. Anger is for the living. In death, we have no thoughts or feelings. You're wanting to leave that behind. I personally would like to die like a viking or gladiator. That's if I really was ready to ctb. To die fighting is honorable.

 

[Dejected 55]

In addition to trying not to die angry... I also encourage you not to be disingenuous. As in... and using myself as an example... If there is a person I don't want to blame themself for my death, I want to be sure I tell them that. If there is a person I think has caused me harm and doesn't regret it, even though I don't want to die angry with that person I also don't want to say things I don't believe just to "let them off the hook."

IF I can make peace with it and let my anger go... I'd do that... but I wouldn't do it by pretending for their sake. I like to think I am kind, but I am honest. So, I'll try and make you feel less guilt over me if I can, but I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I forgive you unless I actually do.

Also... for what it's worth, I encourage communication while you are still here. It is good for you to speak your truth, and it is good for them to hear it. Also, they might feel better if they get to respond to you rather than knowing you're gone and they can't answer your last words.

For me, I don't intend to send letters after I die because I've told everyone my truth now. Everyone I've told has the ability to speak to me now as well. If they wait until after I'm gone, that is on them... I shared my thoughts and feelings now and gave them every opportunity to respond. So I will take nothing with me when I go.

 

[TBONTB]

I wrote a letter basically blaming my family for everything. While it is how I feel and their actions most definitely pushed me over the edge, I'm wondering if it's the right thing to do. I literally end the letter with "I'll see you in hell" and call my mother a horrible mother.

I want to keep the part where I tell them how their actions effected me in a less judgemental way, but I wonder if it's ok to keep the rest. Because while they all hurt me in different ways, they did have good intentions and what they thought was best for me because they love me.

I'm just wondering what the title says: should I die angry, or just thank them for trying? I'm on the fence about it because them trying to help is exactly what led to my current mental state. Any input would be appreciated

Here's the thing. If you decide to CTB, you will be gone and they will live. It won't matter to you when you're dead what they did or how they hurt you. But they will suffer.

I realize you sort of want them to suffer, but revenge is the province of the living. What they did, how it affected you, what might have happened if they hadn't....it's all moot when you go. Leave it behind is my thought, you don't need to add any more to the pain of the world

Now...if you decide to stay that's another matter. Then you can absolutely tell them how they affects you and ask for what you would like to be different.

Wishing you peace

 

[WonderWhatsOutThere]

In addition to trying not to die angry... I also encourage you not to be disingenuous. As in... and using myself as an example... If there is a person I don't want to blame themself for my death, I want to be sure I tell them that. If there is a person I think has caused me harm and doesn't regret it, even though I don't want to die angry with that person I also don't want to say things I don't believe just to "let them off the hook."

IF I can make peace with it and let my anger go... I'd do that... but I wouldn't do it by pretending for their sake. I like to think I am kind, but I am honest. So, I'll try and make you feel less guilt over me if I can, but I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I forgive you unless I actually do.

Also... for what it's worth, I encourage communication while you are still here. It is good for you to speak your truth, and it is good for them to hear it. Also, they might feel better if they get to respond to you rather than knowing you're gone and they can't answer your last words.

For me, I don't intend to send letters after I die because I've told everyone my truth now. Everyone I've told has the ability to speak to me now as well. If they wait until after I'm gone, that is on them... I shared my thoughts and feelings now and gave them every opportunity to respond. So I will take nothing with me when I go.

Most of the people I mention in my letter already know how I feel about them, and I thank those that I actually like and reassure them it's not their fault. People have the ability to speak to me, but some of them never did. At this point, I see their eventual lack of closure from me more as their problem then mine. I like the idea of being genuine but polite. Just kind of stating the facts and effects of their actions and allowing them to make sense of it how they want.

Here's the thing. If you decide to CTB, you will be gone and they will live. It won't matter to you when you're dead what they did or how they hurt you. But they will suffer.

I realize you sort of want them to suffer, but revenge is the province of the living. What they did, how it affected you, what might have happened if they hadn't....it's all moot when you go. Leave it behind is my thought, you don't need to add any more to the pain of the world

Now...if you decide to stay that's another matter. Then you can absolutely tell them how they affects you and ask for what you would like to be different.

Wishing you peace

I had communicated with them before this, but they only ever said things along the line of "We had to do what we thought was right". Never really seeing my side of it. Regardless, I have rewritten it. I tell them that I don't hate any of them or call them terrible people, but I also state that I do not love them. I think it's the closest thing to the truth.
I'd be willing to share the letter with people through DMs (of course I would sensor names and stuff in the letter) if anyone is willing to provide more informed feedback. I want this to be good so that I can be at peace in the end, and having another set of eyes on it helps remove my bias a bit