is it selfish to love a normal person?

[バラの心]

Is it selfish for one to be both suicidal and in love?

I used to really like this one guy, but I ended up self sabotaging the situation because he deserves better than someone who doesn't plan to exist in the long term, you know?
And I can't stop thinking about this post I saw here the other day (I can't find it again unfortunately) but the author mentioned that only other suicidal people can understand a suicidal person enough to love them in a way that matters. I mean, suicide itself is such a taboo topic in the real world. It's not like anxiety or standard depression, where you can just talk about it in the open. You have the religious people who say you'll go to hell, and you have others saying you just need to try this therapy or medication or other ridiculous treatment.

At the end of the day, only suicidal people can even begin to understand your experience, your view of the world. On the other hand, I'd go so far as to even say suicidality is a natural, even rational end result of the state of humanity today. I think that if the pro-life tried to understand us a bit better, even a little bit, worked to destigmatize the topic of suicide in the public eye, and foster more human connection between us all, maybe the pros of living would outweigh those of dying.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

All emotions are "selfish", and people can't really control their emotions so there's no point in saying they're wrong or bad. People are allowed to acknowledge any of their emotions, and plenty of people who are suicidal still feel love and I think there's no point in blaming them for that.

As for actually entering a relationship, if a person has an actionable plan and is 100% set on dying, then roping someone into that would be selfish. The other person would be traumatized if someone they loved suddenly killed themselves, it would be selfish to put someone in that position knowingly.

I think in the case of people who are on the fence or who have some desire to still try recovering, then it's not any more selfish than if a non-suicidal person pursued a relationship with someone, even if it is more risky. Exposing someone to that risk unknowingly could be considered selfish, but there's also a point where we need to acknowledge that everyone is struggling with their own problems, even non-suicidal people, and entering into any relationship has its risks. There's a certain point where we need to accept that flawed people are still allowed to love and be in relationships, otherwise the standards will be too high for everyone since nobody is perfect. I think it's unfair to call people who make a sincere effort "selfish", regardless of whatever personal demons they're struggling with.

The true question is whether or not a non-suicidal person would love a suicidal person back. My instinct is to say "that would never happen," but there's enough people on here who talk about having a loving spouse despite being suicidal so it must be possible.

 

[Worndown]

You would both need to work every day to have a fairly stable life.
You would need to do what is needed to remain as even as possible. Meds, therapy and self monitoring.
He would need to be tollerant of those days when your best efforts are not enough. He should work with you and know not all days will be good.
You both need to identify triggers and do your best to avoid them. Identify the good things that help. Try to balance life.

It is a serious commitment from both.
It can be done, but it will not always be easy.

My ex decided being bipolar was her thing and protected it ftom intrusion. She was successful in that.

Some days it was like living with a bear.

 

[lurk]

I left my girlfriend over two years ago for half of the exact same reason. She has mental health problems and I didn't want to drag her further down. She was the only person I really felt any empathy towards, but I made things ugly by going radio silent. I'm pretty sure from what she posted online after, she tried offing herself. We reconnected recently and I still haven't told her the truth. I was trying to leave a voicemail, I gave some BS excuse over the phone because she decided to be awake at some ungodly hour. I wish she never answered because I think I'm a sociopath.

Make of that what you will. But yeah if you're in that situation, it's objectively selfish. Leave the best way possible.